Joke Thread

[Happy lil Elf]

We need more jokes /nod
So here, add a joke, read a joke, whatever, it's all good.


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?".

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So..... I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she.

[EarlyDawn]

Why did Michael Jackson go to Wallmart?

Because the ad said boy's pants were half off.

[diluted]

three guys go to jail, a *** - an italian - and a greek.
in heaven, they're talking to god and god says that if they give up their favorite things they can live again. for the italian it was eating spaghetti, for the *** it was being a penny pincher, for the greek it was being gay.

okay, so they're back on earth alive and well.
the italian is walking down the street a few days afterwards and sees a pizzeria and can't help himself. he runs in and as he takes the first bite he disappears.
the *** is walking down the street and sees a penny on the ground. he looks at it very hard and thinks for awhile. he can't help himself so he bends over to pick it up and the greek disappears. :)

[Spider]

:lol: at the greek joke

[Lonehunter]

Guy walks into a bar with a group of friends. He talks with them for a while, then goes to the bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. The guy says, I'll bet you 50 bucks that I can piss from here into that glass 5 feet away. The bartender says What? You heard me, 50 bucks. The bartender pulls out his money and puts 50 on the bar. The guy gets ready and pisses every last bit into the glass. The bartender is pissed now. Ok, now i'll bet you 1000 dollars that I can piss from here, out that window, into that car with the open window, and into the cup holder. The two guys pull out their checkbooks and get them ready. The guy gets ready, then starts pissing all over the place. On the bar, in the cooler, on the bartender, everything is covered with piss. The bartender starts jumping up and down yelling "I got a thousand bucks! Yeah!" The guy shakes his head and says, "Well I just bet my friends over there 5000 dollars that I could make you happy by pissin on you."

[Revolution]

2 blondes are walking down the beach. One says to the other "Hey, look its a dead seagull"

The other looks up, and says " Where??"

[Lonehunter]

Originally posted by Revolution
2 blondes are walking down the beach. One says to the other "Hey, look its a dead seagull"

The other looks up, and says " Where??"

:lol: funny and simple

[Squeeky]

:rofl: very good ones

[WickedDeus]

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.

We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."





The moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your
car.

[Happy lil Elf]

Old one but good one Wicked :rofl:

[GonePostal]

the only jokes i know are extremely racist but all in good fun

can i post extremely racist jokes?

[Spider]

simple! NO!

[WickedDeus]

Only if your the same race as the joke.:rolleyes:

[Kaltagesta]

racist jokes are no different to blond jokes and 'you have a big nose' jokes - they are all stereotyping someones religion/culture/lifestyle/looks, most of the time about something they are born with.

well, i have no problem, anyone who takes them seriously is an idiot.

[BUGGER]

2 fishermen go walking down the street.

"hey look! its seamen!"

[Spider]

Would of been better if you place it in the austin powers context...

''Welcome to my submarine! It's long, it's hard and it's full of seamen!''

anyhoo! I prefer image humour... less to read and me being lazy ^^

http://www.humour.com/images/zoneNoire/patrioticpad.jpg

http://www.humour.com/images/images/clavier_IRC.jpg

the mIRC keyboard :brow:

[Lonehunter]

I live in West Virgina USA Redneck central, so I know a LOT of racist jokes. But I am not racist. Here a good one though,

Steve (big brother) and Johny (little brother) always hang out together. Johny does everything his big brother Steve does. Steve will watch football, and Johny will be right next to him shouting "Go cowboys." Steve will mow the lawn, and Johny will be out there with his little toy lawn mower. One day Steve was takin a shower and Johny hopped in with him. Steve said, "What ever you do, don't look up." The first thing johny did was look strait up. "What's that?" Johny says. "That's my raggedy-anne." Later on the parents come home from work and see Johny on the couch and hear Steve up stairs crying. The father runs upstairs and the mom asks johny what happened. "Raggedy-anne spit in my eye so I bit it's head off."

[Lonehunter]

I have 2, REALLY nasty jokes left. Should I post them?

[Hamma]

:rofl: @ mirc keyboard

[Corrosion]

AHAHHAH the dick one was hilarious..... gj every1 good jokes

[HawkEye]

i was :rofl: at the keyboard one. is there a palce where i can get one of those.

[Lonehunter]

!!WARNING!!

REALLY SICK JOKE

This girl comes home one day from getting her liscense. She runs to her dad, "Dad! Dad! I got my Liscense let me have the car!" "Give me a Blowjob" "EEww ! God dad that's sick!" Then she goes to her room. She comes back down stairs, "Dad, I need the car." "I need a blowjob." "Dad, just give me the keys." "Just give me a blowjob." So she finally cooperates and...ya'know. Half way through she stops and says, "Dad, your penis smells like ass." "Oh that's right your brother has the car today."

Firend of mine insisted on me posting this, he's sitting right next to me laughing his ass off =/

[ObnoxiousFrog]

That would probably be funny if it wasn't so unfunny.

[Timormi]

Q - What do the pope and a christmas tree have in common?

A - The balls are just for decoration

[1024]

Originally posted by Lonehunter187
Guy walks into a bar with a group of friends. He talks with them for a while, then goes to the bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. The guy says, I'll bet you 50 bucks that I can piss from here into that glass 5 feet away. The bartender says What? You heard me, 50 bucks. The bartender pulls out his money and puts 50 on the bar. The guy gets ready and pisses every last bit into the glass. The bartender is pissed now. Ok, now i'll bet you 1000 dollars that I can piss from here, out that window, into that car with the open window, and into the cup holder. The two guys pull out their checkbooks and get them ready. The guy gets ready, then starts pissing all over the place. On the bar, in the cooler, on the bartender, everything is covered with piss. The bartender starts jumping up and down yelling "I got a thousand bucks! Yeah!" The guy shakes his head and says, "Well I just bet my friends over there 5000 dollars that I could make you happy by pissin on you."

ofn.

[Mr1337Duck]

1024's a ninja now! Welcome to the brotherhood! *cuts off 1042's left nut* That's the ninja salute to new ninjas around here.

[Timormi]

How do you drown a blonde?

A scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

[Lonehunter]

Blonde jokes huh. Ok,
Ok ya got three blondes. A Russian, an American and an Aussie. The Russian says, "We were the first in space." Then the American says, "So, we were the first on the moon." the Aussie says, "That's nothin, we're gonna be the first ones on the sun." The Russian and American start laughing when the Aussie replies, "We're not stupid ya'know we're going at night!"

[1024]

Originally posted by Mr1337Duck
1024's a ninja now! Welcome to the brotherhood! *cuts off 1042's left nut* That's the ninja salute to new ninjas around here.

wts? i've been a ninja. i just don't advertise it.

[Lonehunter]

A blonde is walking through the woods. She comes to a river and wants to cross it. She starts walking one way hoping to find a bridge. She sees another blonde on the opposite side of the river, "Hey! How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks up the river, then down the river and says, "You are on the other side."

[Indecisive]

Originally posted by 1024
wts? i've been a ninja. i just don't advertise it.


oh so they took your right nut the first time ....uh oh someone isnt haveing kids

[Lonehunter]

If someone cuts off your nuts can you sue them for child abuse? You know, for hurting your feauture children?

[eXoSloth]

A blonde walks into a bar. Ouch.

[Sentrosi]

I just have Two words


:::::Sony's CSR's:::::

[Onizuka]

Originally posted by Sentrosi
I just have Two words


:::::Sony's CSR's:::::

:rofl: :rofl: