BUGGER�GHO�T
2003-10-03, 10:25 PM
The new BARBIE collection
Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces the release today of models of limited edition
Barbie dolls for the California market:
Pleasanton Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at the Stoneridge Mall.
She comes with an assortment of Kate ***** handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a
cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic
Ken.
San Ramon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus
SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold
separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Richmond Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a
Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted
windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
Rancho Cordova/Gold River Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a
BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and
shallow Ken.
Stockton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes
too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank,
Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's ass when she's
drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Tahoe Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie still has not
learned that you can't wear a leopard print ski outfit without looking
passe, even if you are actually skiing.
Berkeley Barbie: This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long
gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt
The other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop, low cut jeans and
scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Bakersfield Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not
learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no
pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your
beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red
lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all.
Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored
G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there
see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG.
Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford pick
up.
Texas Transplant Barbie: This bitch of a Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (Texas
plates), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, and tons of makeup.
Carnivore Ken sold separately.
They are working on developing an "Oakland Barbie", but she keeps getting
shot.
Piedmont Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Walnut Creek and
Carmel. She drives her Land Rover (sold separately) to the Oakland Public
Library. She has an MBA from Stanford but has never worked outside the home.
Her child stroller is bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are
discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish
to talk to the nanny, Tagalog, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the
gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively. She is a lifelong
member of the Junior League and her Piedmont estate on Sea View Drive is
featured in Architectural Digest.
Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at
Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover. Her dirty
little secret? She's a closet Democrat.
:lol:
Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces the release today of models of limited edition
Barbie dolls for the California market:
Pleasanton Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at the Stoneridge Mall.
She comes with an assortment of Kate ***** handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a
cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic
Ken.
San Ramon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus
SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold
separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Richmond Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a
Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted
windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
Rancho Cordova/Gold River Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a
BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and
shallow Ken.
Stockton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes
too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank,
Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's ass when she's
drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Tahoe Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie still has not
learned that you can't wear a leopard print ski outfit without looking
passe, even if you are actually skiing.
Berkeley Barbie: This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long
gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt
The other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop, low cut jeans and
scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Bakersfield Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not
learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no
pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your
beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red
lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all.
Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored
G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there
see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG.
Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford pick
up.
Texas Transplant Barbie: This bitch of a Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (Texas
plates), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, and tons of makeup.
Carnivore Ken sold separately.
They are working on developing an "Oakland Barbie", but she keeps getting
shot.
Piedmont Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Walnut Creek and
Carmel. She drives her Land Rover (sold separately) to the Oakland Public
Library. She has an MBA from Stanford but has never worked outside the home.
Her child stroller is bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are
discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish
to talk to the nanny, Tagalog, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the
gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively. She is a lifelong
member of the Junior League and her Piedmont estate on Sea View Drive is
featured in Architectural Digest.
Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at
Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover. Her dirty
little secret? She's a closet Democrat.
:lol: