Spider
2003-12-28, 04:28 PM
So I was at the grocery store the other day due to a certain lack of necessary household items the likes of which are so darned necessary that just the idea that I should be in a house without them is nightmare material.
So yeah, it was toilet paper and swiss cheese for my sammiches.
Anyway, I happened down the aisle with all the cat food, litter, and toys because Macio, well, he's lost his mouse. The Epic of Mouse is long and the end is a mystery with depths so deep that to plumb them would be the epitome of foolishness itself. Basically, Mouse is just a really old catnip mouse cat toy without any catnip left. But Macio is a catnip fiend. You ever see Requiem for a Dream? That's Macio when it comes to catnip. So never mind the fact that Mouse has no catnip, he used to and that's good enough for Macio. But there was more to Mouse than just Mouse and no catnip. Much, much more. There was a string tied to him so that a human, if one were so inclined, could swing and twirl Mouse around and torment Macio with Mouse on the other end. The diabolical team of Mouse and String was often too much for Macio to handle. He would begin an offensive against Mouse and, before he knew it, String would have outflanked him and wrapped up all his little feets. If String was Macio's target, you could be sure that Mouse would sneak around and start slapping him in the face. Many, and mighty, were the battles of String, Mouse, and Macio.
Even so, Macio loved the pair. Most nights String and Mouse would be somewhere in the living room. More mornings than not, they'd be in our bedroom on the very spot that Macio had slept that night.
But then, weeks ago, no one had seen Mouse nor String for several days. A thorough search of the house was made, as well as several others since then, yet they were nowhere to be found. Since there's only a finite number of places within the walls of our home that Mouse and String can be, we have not given up hope that they will, one day, be found.
In the meantime however, and this is where we get back to the grocery store's cat crap aisle, I decided to look for a temporary replacement. Most of the cat toys they had would have been fine except that they were obviously designed by people who had never actually owned a cat. For instance, most of the toys were made of hard plastic and involved bells and chimes and other loud noise making devices that would be employed every time the thing moved. Which is fine until you remember that even domesticated cats are mostly nocturnal. Oh please, can I pay $10 so I can't sleep through six straight hours of blingyblingyblingyblingy... whack thwack THACK blingyblingyblingyblingyblingy every night? Sign me up!
Morons.
And then there was this one cat toy that nearly had me fooled. It looked, strangely enough, almost exactly like Mouse so that was a plus. It was vacuum sealed with factory fresh catnip-like scent, so that was another plus. But then I saw the small print. The toy was supposed to make a sound every time the cat moved it. A mousey squeak kind of sound. Fine, so it's just another stupid cat toy that I won't buy because I value my sanity. But there's more to it than that. It makes the sound electronically so it has little batteries, little speakers, and a little microchip inside.
A microchip. In a cat toy. It's a fucking cat, people. They don't need a toy stuffed with enough electronics that it can double as their personal organizer.
BEEP BEEP! 12:05, time for another nap.
"Boy, it's a good thing I've got this personal organizer, otherwise I would've slept right through nap time!"
I mean come on, already. Cat's aren't morons. They don't need a toy to beep and squeak and talk to them all day. They're cats, not kids.
Was browsing their site and found that :lol:.
So yeah, it was toilet paper and swiss cheese for my sammiches.
Anyway, I happened down the aisle with all the cat food, litter, and toys because Macio, well, he's lost his mouse. The Epic of Mouse is long and the end is a mystery with depths so deep that to plumb them would be the epitome of foolishness itself. Basically, Mouse is just a really old catnip mouse cat toy without any catnip left. But Macio is a catnip fiend. You ever see Requiem for a Dream? That's Macio when it comes to catnip. So never mind the fact that Mouse has no catnip, he used to and that's good enough for Macio. But there was more to Mouse than just Mouse and no catnip. Much, much more. There was a string tied to him so that a human, if one were so inclined, could swing and twirl Mouse around and torment Macio with Mouse on the other end. The diabolical team of Mouse and String was often too much for Macio to handle. He would begin an offensive against Mouse and, before he knew it, String would have outflanked him and wrapped up all his little feets. If String was Macio's target, you could be sure that Mouse would sneak around and start slapping him in the face. Many, and mighty, were the battles of String, Mouse, and Macio.
Even so, Macio loved the pair. Most nights String and Mouse would be somewhere in the living room. More mornings than not, they'd be in our bedroom on the very spot that Macio had slept that night.
But then, weeks ago, no one had seen Mouse nor String for several days. A thorough search of the house was made, as well as several others since then, yet they were nowhere to be found. Since there's only a finite number of places within the walls of our home that Mouse and String can be, we have not given up hope that they will, one day, be found.
In the meantime however, and this is where we get back to the grocery store's cat crap aisle, I decided to look for a temporary replacement. Most of the cat toys they had would have been fine except that they were obviously designed by people who had never actually owned a cat. For instance, most of the toys were made of hard plastic and involved bells and chimes and other loud noise making devices that would be employed every time the thing moved. Which is fine until you remember that even domesticated cats are mostly nocturnal. Oh please, can I pay $10 so I can't sleep through six straight hours of blingyblingyblingyblingy... whack thwack THACK blingyblingyblingyblingyblingy every night? Sign me up!
Morons.
And then there was this one cat toy that nearly had me fooled. It looked, strangely enough, almost exactly like Mouse so that was a plus. It was vacuum sealed with factory fresh catnip-like scent, so that was another plus. But then I saw the small print. The toy was supposed to make a sound every time the cat moved it. A mousey squeak kind of sound. Fine, so it's just another stupid cat toy that I won't buy because I value my sanity. But there's more to it than that. It makes the sound electronically so it has little batteries, little speakers, and a little microchip inside.
A microchip. In a cat toy. It's a fucking cat, people. They don't need a toy stuffed with enough electronics that it can double as their personal organizer.
BEEP BEEP! 12:05, time for another nap.
"Boy, it's a good thing I've got this personal organizer, otherwise I would've slept right through nap time!"
I mean come on, already. Cat's aren't morons. They don't need a toy to beep and squeak and talk to them all day. They're cats, not kids.
Was browsing their site and found that :lol:.