Short Essay: Why do you think the French suck

[Navaron]

Post away.

Bonus for bredvity

Ex. They are weak, lazy, smelly, ignorant, snobbish, weak kneed, worthless pos's.

[afex]

http://www.nypost.com/images/front012403.gif

[Navaron]

Jokes.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.


Q:How do you castrate a frenchmen???
A:Kick his sister in the jaw.

Y do frenchmen always were yellow tyes ? A: to match the teeth

Whats the best place to hide your money ? A: under the soap of a frenchman

A frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. the barman says "Thats an real ugle bird u got there. Where did u get it? The parrot says " i got it in France ..theres millions of em there"

What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered during WWII? "Table for One Hundred Thousand?".

Q-how can you tell if a frechmen has been in your backyard? A-your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. What do you do if you see 90,000,000 dead french-men? A. Stop laughing and re-load!!

Q: How do you stop a French tank? A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Q: What do you call 20 dead frenchmen in the back of a lorry. A: A good days hunting

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? A: REVERSE! Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowing? A: Chuck his wife and kids in aswell.


Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his licence to practice medicin? He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was by far the best vet in town. What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? More sand.

Why do French men have moustashes? A: To remind them of their mothers. Q: How long does it take a french woman to have a poo? A: 9 months

The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Pierre, it was rumoured, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what about the third condition. "Well," said Pierre, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs."

A psychology professor decided to study the way in which different people from different parts of Europe have sex with sheep. He traveled first to Wales, where he asks a farmer to explain his method: "Well, boyo, I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, grab her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Tidy!" The professor tries Scotland next "Hoots an' toots man, I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, grab her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Och aye tha noo!" The professor moves on to Germany: "Well, I find the most efficient way is to grab her with my velcro gloves, and we're well away. The professor is noticing a pattern developing, so he decides to try France, and then end his investigation. He stops a bloke by the Eiffel tower named Pierre, and asks him to explain the French method: "Well monsieur, I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, sling her front legs over me shoulders, and that's all there is to it!" The professor is excited to have found some national variation and tells Pierre that this is different to the methods of the Scots, Welsh and Germans. "How do they do it then?" asks Pierre, and the professor explains. Pierre on hearing the explanation walks of disgusted. "What! No kissing?"

A FRENCHMAN named Pierre was walking through the small town he lived in with a friend. He pointed to a row of houses and says, "You see those houses? I built those houses! But do they call me Pierre the Housebuilder..No" They walked along a bit futher, and he points to a number of boats in the harbour. "You see those boats ? I built those boats! But do they call me Pierre the Boat Builder? NO!" Then he turns to his friend and says "BUT MAKE LOVE TO JUST ONE GOAT AND YOU ARE LABELED FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

Q. What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? A. The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better. Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A. So the Germans could march in the shade. Q. Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? A. Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished colouring in the second one ! Q. What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? A. bisexual.

I stole these.

[Lexington_Steele]

This is from the "50 Reasons why the Lord of the Rings Sucks" page:

The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective soldiers, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French.

[Flashingfish]

Hmm. Let me see, here's a good one. You're all racists and you like to follow each other's trend because you think it makes you look big!

lol @ me.

[Navaron]

Huh? That didn't make any sense.

[chaos1428]

Of all those jokes, I still like the Euro Disney one the best

:rofl: :rofl:

[Hamma]

what is with the hatred today. lets get some :love: in this piece, its friday dammit

[Navaron]

This is a :love: thread man. I :love: making fun of the frogs. You do too and you know it.

[Sputty]

Ok, we can all agree that the french are annoying..as long as the flamers would stop flaming all over the plave it would be okay. Hamma, spread the :love: in the flame threads.

[mistled]

Originally posted by Flashingfish
Hmm. Let me see, here's a good one. You're all racists and you like to follow each other's trend because you think it makes you look big!

lol @ me. Sorry Fishy man, we've been making fun of the French for years. No one's following anyone's trend. We're just having a good time.

[Incompetent]

I don't have a year to list all the reasons, suffice to say, damn near every reason humanly possible

[HotDogTommy]

no one mentioned Jerry Lewis yet?! !!!

[Navaron]

"no one mentioned Jerry Lewis yet?! !!!"

:rofl: :rofl:

[�io]

They don't.

Well at least IMO. No one culture or ethnic group suck as a whole but rather bad people create flase impressions and prejudice...but don't mind me i'm just a foolish optimistic. :)


Originally posted by Hamma
what is with the hatred today. lets get some :love: in this piece, its friday dammit

Hamma if you would finally getting aroung to enlist me in your friendly and great staff i could spread a lot of :love: (or force it on those who don't want it, same difference) :D

:love: dammit! :love:!!!

[Bighoss]

Originally posted by Flashingfish
Hmm. Let me see, here's a good one. You're all racists and you like to follow each other's trend because you think it makes you look big!

That might be true and were all horrible racists but the french don't count cuz there more of a parasite.

Has anyone noticed that a race has to have something bad happen to them and then the slightest joke gets people really really pissed. If you say God damn French it won't have the same effect that might happen to uuuuhhhh I don't wanna make an example I'll just get flamed

[Zanzibar]

lol the french deserve all they get for folding n WWII n making the british americans and canadiens pull their arses out of their (surprise surprise america you didnt do it on your own):p

[Squeeky]

Q. Why doesnt Euro Disney have fireworks?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
A. Because everytime they went off the french tried to surrender

:rofl:

[Navaron]

Newsflash, racism is when you judge someone by their skin color. The French have people of all races in their country. I am talking about the Country of France. Why do they suck? That's not racism, it's countrycism. :D

[Flashingfish]

Racism is not juding by skin colour, it's judging by race. And the French are a race of people. So making fun of them is racism. Clever no?

[Navaron]

So if I'm an American, that means I'm of the American Race? So if a black guy from Togo, is born in america, he is no longer a black male, but American? That's news to me.

[Hamma]

:mad:

Enough country bashing. World peace!

[Bighoss]

CARPET BOMB EVERYONE :clap:

[Navaron]

I would like to nominate Hamma for Miss Congeniality 2003. World peace...jeez.

[Lexington_Steele]

Originally posted by {BOHICA}Navaron
So if I'm an American, that means I'm of the American Race? So if a black guy from Togo, is born in america, he is no longer a black male, but American? That's news to me.

Not that I mind a quality french ribbing, but Flashing is right about his use of the word race.

*A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.

*A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.

Now it is tough to call Americans a race at this point in history (except native americans). Being so melting potish, we don't carry distinguishable physical traits, nor is our history together very long. The french on the other hand do have ditinguishable physical traits (like gigantic noses) and a common history going back to medieval times.

[Navaron]

I disagree, that classifying people with in a certain imaginary line is considered racism. If that's the case, what about the Austrians? What are the people that live in Chechnya? Russian? I think they'd differ. They aren't a different race. Race is based on biology, no geographic location.

I look at races as, anglo, afro, asian, indian. Not North Dakota, South Dakota. Are Canadians and Americans a different race (For the most part)? No. But are Americans and Mexicans (For the most part) a different race. Yes.

I'll take either though, people living with the boundary of France, or this race the "French".

[Lexington_Steele]

Originally posted by {BOHICA}Navaron
Race is based on biology, no geographic location.


You have yourself there. The french share a a common biological heritage. Besides native americans, there have not been the same families living in south Dakota for over 1000 years, the way that the same french families have been living in france for the last 1000 years.

BTW, how can you disagree with a definition that is cut and pasted from a dictionary?

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=race

[Navaron]

"The french share a a common biological heritage"

My point is that their biological heritage is mostly the same as all other european anglo races. So there's the anglo race. Sure it breaks down more than that, but then where do you stop? If you hate people with the last name Johnson are you racist? If you hate one family of Johnsons are you a racist?

About the dictionary thing, I checked websters, and it has nothing like that, which would solve the arguement. I checked before I posted. It's definition of French however, is "the people of France". Look up anglo. It fits my definitions perfectly.

My point is that Geographic boundries change arbitrarily, however, the people within those boundries do not.

[Lexington_Steele]

Originally posted by {BOHICA}Navaron
My point is that Geographic boundries change arbitrarily, however, the people within those boundries do not.

This is a biological thing, not a boundary thing.

Can you tell the difference between a Spaniard and a frenchman? How about an Italian and a frenchman. How about an Irishman and a frenchman. Is it becuase of the borders they keep or is it because of inherant physical traits?

Suppose these 4 guys all move to america. Does the Spaniard cease to look like a Spaniard? Does the Irishman cease to look like an Irishman? Does the Italian cese to look Italien. Does the frenchman cease to like Jerry Lewis :p ?

[Navaron]

"This is a biological thing, not a boundary thing."

I assume you're talking about Racism, if so, EXACTLY. That is what I am saying. If I were to mock blacks, for being black, then that would be racist. To mock a country, which is determined by its boundries, is not racist.

About your Spainyard, English, Irish thing: At face value you could, however you wouldn't be able to tell where they resided. You *would* be able to see their genetic history.

I think where we differ is that when I say french, I mean the country of france, so in my mind a Frenchman is someone from france - he could be asian for all I care. You see "the French", as a whole, as a race. I can understand that, but that wasn't where I was going.

But yeah, you can group regions by the charecteristics of the people that live there, but I doubt that those charecteristics are restricted to their respective borders.

It's kinda like all squares are shapes, but not a shapes are squares.

[Lexington_Steele]

If the french can be considered a race (which they can).

How is it racism to be prejudiced against one race but it is not racism to be prejudiced against another?

Where is the difference? The difference is that one has become more socially acceptable in America, not that being prejudiced against the french is not racism.

(boy, we love to argue don't we. :D )

[Navaron]

ARRRGGG (we do like to argue)

No no no. The difference is I don't see races based on where that person happens to live. I see them much broader, like I said, anglo, afro, asian, mediterrainian etc. Those are races, blacks, whites, asians etc. I don't see the English, German, or French as a different race. They are all anglo whiteys.

If I started a post, why do the North Koreans suck, what would I get, responses about the country. I would get comments on their physical attributes (unless two faced counts). The point is that if I made the same post about - Why do the Mexicans suck, it would be miscontrued the same way.

I'm going to eat now. :p

[Zanzibar]

it is getting harde to distinguish peeps from their physical appearence as peeps move around and breed with other races. for example take the finch (long shot i know) that darwin studies-at the begining they were all the same then the moved to the diferant galapogus (w/e) islands and evoled, some evolved horter,tougher beaks, some evolved longer, probing beaks. lets call the shortbeaked one a and the long beaked one b. they are now a separate species with the same genus. so they can breed however they will have diferant offspring or none at all.so a breeds with b. you get c. with say the feathyers and bone structure of a and the beak of b.this is not suited to life in either of their islands so i moves to the next one. there it flourishes. that is a new racee as i see it. similar but not identical. now in humans this happened however sometimes c would stay on the same island and breed making more of them. this in all respects is what has happened to the human race because they have bred into each other rendering all regional charactoristics unidentifialble.
have i said enough? it all looks like bolocks to me now. lol

[Zanzibar]

SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>
SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>
SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>
SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>
SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>
SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>
SOLDIER <clap> <clap> <clap>

yaaaaaay!!! :cheers:

[jamikey]

This was the Funniest thread in all of history..LOL LMAO