Things Ya'll Will Never Hear a Southerner Say

[Strygun]

Here are the top 36 things you'll never hear a southerner say. (I'm from Alabama, and this made be laugh.. it's sad, but most of them are true.)

36. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
35. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a
family sedan.
34. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
33. We don't keep firearms in this house.
32. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
31. You can't feed that to the dog.
30. I thought Graceland was tacky.
29. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
28. Wrestling's fake.
27. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
26. We're vegetarians.
25. Do you think my gut is too big?
24. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits
and gravy.
23. Honey, we don't need another dog.
22. Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War?
21. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
20. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
19. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
18. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
17. Trim the fat off that steak.
16. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
15. The tires on that truck are too big.
14. I'll have the arugula and riadicchio salad.
13. I've got it all on the C: drive.
12. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
11. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
10. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
9. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
8. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
7. Checkmate.
6. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't
seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
2. You all. ---(This one made me laugh so hard.. it's so true)

And, Number ONE is:

1. Duct tape won't fix that.

[Incompetent]

They forgot "ask."

[EarlyDawn]

1. Duct tape won't fix that.Maybe that's because it's true? You can fix anything with duct tape...

[SDM]

Maybe that's because it's true? You can fix anything with duct tape...
Can duct tape stop Ait'al from posting like a lab chimp on expirimental stimulants? Well, can it?

[I Hate Pants]

I remeber my family and I went down to Florida for vacation once (keeping in mind im Canadian). We drove down there (3 boring days). We stopped at a restaurant on night and I ordered my fodd. I asked what sidedishes they had and the waitress said " what wus that huney"?

me: "A side dish for my meal"

waitress: " You mean a side arm?"

A side arm? Sounds delicious. :P~

Another time we were heading down there we stopped at a rest station in Tennesse. I left my hat in my jacket pocket accidently. It dropped and I went to pick it up. Than some one asked me were I got the toboggan. :huh:

This thread reminds me of my " You might be a redneck if..." calander I had once. My favourite one was " You might be a redneck if you teach your parrot cuss words."

Polly wants a fucking cracker.

[Firefly]

2. You all.
You'll also never see them spell it correctly - "y'all"

[Everay]

HAHAHA! im from texas, i love chess, most of that i do, but, man, just the other night infact, i used duck tape to fix the shower because it wouldnt stop shootin out water. :rofl:

you really can fix anything with duck tape

[Biohazzard56]

Im from Tennesse and still live their, and i never say yall

[ObnoxiousFrog]

Ironically, the only thing that duct tape wont fix is ducts (the rapid airflowes up and curls the adhesive, and the tape falls off).

[Neon Apocalypse]

anyone seen red greens "duck tape forever"?

[ObnoxiousFrog]

Yes...Red Green is one of 3 cool things that come from Canada, the other 2 being Mounties and something to make fun of.

[Rayder]

Pants, you must have been in the north at the border. The rest of Florida isn't the south.

[Jaged]

You'll also never see them spell it correctly - "y'all"

Ahh, y'all is the most annoying word ever. I just wanna punch anyone who says it around me.

[Squeeky]

Southerners scare me. I don't wanna move to Ft. Worth, Texas. My yuppie ass is gonna get shot by some big fat redneck named Bubba

[worldvengence]

....damn setreotypes....TX is all cowboys not Rednecks....cmon get with the times! LMFAO....i have the right to make fun of it cause i lived there for 10 yrs...all the other southern states are rednecks...ha

[FlakMan]

Since this seems like a jokes thread...

What's the difference between a norther and a southern fairy tale?

A northern one starts off "Once upon a time..." and a southern one starts off "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

:lol:

[xmodum]

Ahh, y'all is the most annoying word ever. I just wanna punch anyone who says it around me.
hey y'all!
wut u gonna do punk!?!?! :p j/k and i no that was stupid cuz im not by u :)

[Spee]

Every side of the 'States has something to make fun of.


The south is a bunch of rednecks.


The west are a bunch of tree-hugging hippies, for the most part.


The Eastern Folks are really rude.


The North has an assload of fat people.


Emphasis added because I dont want a horde of angry californians zerging ,e with "OMG I M N0T L13K THAT!!11" Welcome the World of Stereotypes.

[Squeeky]

I'm actually not a tree hugging hippy. I just can't litter around Chelle, or by stuff that comes in styrofoam. :(

[Dharkbayne]

What about people in the middle?

[worldvengence]

they are just boring

[Spee]

I'm actually not a tree hugging hippy.


You, my father, and my brother are the first 3 contradictions that popped instantly into my head when I finished typing that. :p

[Nimbus]

I'm currently building a cannon that has a blast radius the exact size and shape as the state of Alabama. I'll give you guys a warning a few days ahead of time so you can get out.

[ultraviolet]

<3 Southerners. I'm half-Southern in the way I speak, as you can usually tell. One of my bestest fwiends evaR is from Mississippi (she's like my counselor, a great person to go to for guidance)! :D

[Setari]

i also hear northerners think southerners are all like Larry the Cable Guy (comedian, if you know who he is then you know what i mean) :p

[Squeeky]

Larry The Cable Guy is my fav.

[ultraviolet]

<3 Larry the Cable Guy. He's hilarious.

[AztecWarrior]

Every side of the 'States has something to make fun of.


The south is a bunch of rednecks.


The west are a bunch of tree-hugging hippies, for the most part.


The Eastern Folks are really rude.


The North has an assload of fat people.


Emphasis added because I dont want a horde of angry californians zerging ,e with "OMG I M N0T L13K THAT!!11" Welcome the World of Stereotypes.


Wrong.

Miami should secede from the United States. It's pretty much the American Caribbean. There are a lot of Northerners in Florida who come down to escape Jack Frost (maybe Hamma should do this). The gradual Caribbean-ness fades away as you go north. Orlando is the limit. It manages to stay 'normal' because of institutions like Disney World and Universal Studios.

There Be Dragons past that.

[Spee]

Wrong.




Stereotypes have a bad habit of doing that.

[Professor Frink]

they are just boring


Dude weak!!!!!!!!!!

[Strygun]

You'll also never see them spell it correctly - "y'all"

There's no one way to spell that word. That's why it's awesome.

Anyway... we southerners aren't all bad. We're just unique. ;) (I wasn't born in the south, but I've lived here for about 6 yrs now)

...asked me where I got the toboggan.

Yup, we wear toboggans down here. What do you northerns call em? Bean hats or something like that? Beanie? It's bean something I think...

[Nimbus]

Coolest contraction ever:
Y'a''r'n't

You All Are Not

[Bighoss]

I met this guy from South Carolina on outward bound and no one had a fucking clue what he said. The only thing I think I ever understood was when he said he was from Rockville south carolina. But he said it more like Yaim frum rochiovil sutcarlina

[Strygun]

I used to live on Rockhill (probably where he was from.)

Rockhill, SC

[Firefly]

I'm from Myrtle Beach SC.

And it's "Y'ALL" because it's a contraction of YOU ALL. Anyone with one-tenth of a brain and half an ounce of common sense, and a slippery grasp of the English language can figure that out.

[firecrackerNC]

Every side of the 'States has something to make fun of.


The south is a bunch of rednecks.


The west are a bunch of tree-hugging hippies, for the most part.


The Eastern Folks are really rude.


The North has an assload of fat people.


Emphasis added because I dont want a horde of angry californians zerging ,e with "OMG I M N0T L13K THAT!!11" Welcome the World of Stereotypes.

WTF MAN!! East coasts not rude,stupid idiot.We are perfectly normal you dumbass

[Firefly]

WTF MAN!! East coasts not rude,stupid idiot.We are perfectly normal you dumbass
Is anyone grasping the sheer irony of this?

[OneManArmy]

thats funny about fat north people becuase I'm pretty damn sure hte south has 'em beat by a LOOOOONG shot....

[SDM]

Forgetaboutit.

[ultraviolet]

And there is NOTHING wrong with being a tree-hugger. The tree by my house would be lonely otherwise. ;p

I think another Californian thing is our mindset of elitist snobbery. I know I'm better than everyone else; I just don't always act like it.

[Dharkbayne]

What're northwesterners? I.e. Seattle

[Mr1337Duck]

Centraleers like me (Kansas) are boring. There's NOTHING to do where I live. There's no strip clubs, only a few bars, some grocery stores, etc. And people wonder why we hang out on the net a lot.

[Firefly]

Centraleers like me (Kansas) are boring. There's NOTHING to do where I live. There's no strip clubs, only a few bars, some grocery stores, etc. And people wonder why we hang out on the net a lot.
There's some good skinhead bands and a decent punker/skin scene out there in Kansas. And when I say skinhead, please everyone remain calm and refrain from acting stupid. Not all skins are neo-Nazis.

[Lonehunter]

Y'all need to learn how's to be treatin rednecks with respect now ya'hear? Yeah ok, I say y'all all the time. When I moved to West Virginia people thought I talked wierd, originaly from Ohio. Now West Virginia isn't very south but it sure does seem like it. Duct tape WILL fix anything. Round hear we says, if ya can't duck it, f**k it. A friend of mine wrecked his car to make a Jackass video (Drinking) and his back end was the only thing damaged, so he got 6 rolls of Duct tape and covered the hind end, B-E-A-utiful. I alos believe I read someone said they say "axe" in stead of ask...now come on. A redneck, southerner, saying.....I gonna axe you a question. The only people I kow that use that are the ones who believe in crap, I mean rap, oh well, same thing.

rEdneks 4 life!

Edit:
...And when I say skinhead, please everyone remain calm and refrain from acting stupid. Not all skins are neo-Nazis.
Yep, that's me.

Edit2: The non-neo-Nazi skinhead

[Strygun]

I'm from Myrtle Beach SC.

And it's "Y'ALL" because it's a contraction of YOU ALL. Anyone with one-tenth of a brain and half an ounce of common sense, and a slippery grasp of the English language can figure that out.

Grammatically, you are correct. However, because most people in the south can't spell anyway, (no offense to southerners) it doesn't matter.

However, since I was not born in the south, I have a pet peeve called grammar.

Incorrect grammar is the one thing that bugs me. Oh well.

[Squeeky]

In otherwords you are a Grammar Nazi. :p

[Strygun]

:indeed:

[AztecWarrior]

WTF MAN!! East coasts not rude,stupid idiot.We are perfectly normal you dumbass
I say not. Miami is fucking rude as hell.

[I Hate Pants]

Yup, we wear toboggans down here. What do you northerns call em? Bean hats or something like that? Beanie? It's bean something I think...

A BEANIE!? Do I look Jewish to you? Anyways we call them hats. Or a tuke. Whichever you like.

And incase you were wondering a toboggan is a sliegh you ride down snow hills. Not something you can wear on your head really.

[Setari]

(from Blue Collar) The best thing about being from Texas is that we have the death penalty and we USE it....other states are tryin to abolish it and Texas is puttin it in the express lane... sry couldnt resist puttin that

[AztecWarrior]

A BEANIE!? Do I look Jewish to you? Anyways we call them hats. Or a tuke. Whichever you like.

And incase you were wondering a toboggan is a sliegh you ride down snow hills. Not something you can wear on your head really.
Yeah, I was wondering what he meant by "toboggan." Toboggans are sleds, beanies are what stereotypical mischevious little kids wear, usually brightly colored and sometimes with a propeller at the top, and yarmulkes (sp?) are the things worn by ****.

[AztecWarrior]

You will never, NEVER see a Southerner name his car the "Sherman" or the "Grant". Instead, you get "General Lee" (Dukes of Hazzard) or maybe "Stonewall Jackson."

SDM: The first two are Union Civil War generals. The last two are Confederate Civil War generals. Yes, I'm talking about the American Civil War.

[SDM]

You will never, NEVER see a Southerner name his car the "Sherman" or the "Grant". Instead, you get "General Lee" (Dukes of Hazzard) or maybe "Stonewall Jackson."

SDM: The first two are Union Civil War generals. The last two are Confederate Civil War generals. Yes, I'm talking about the American Civil War.
I'm real sorry I bruised your little ego. You can stop being a retard now.

[AztecWarrior]

I'm real sorry I bruised your little ego. You can stop being a retard now.
I'm not offended at all. In fact, I feel sorry that I must make clear every frigging thing I say to our slower learners.

NOTE: I'm replying to your post.

[SDM]

I feel sorry that I must make clear every frigging thing I say.
Go back to making no sense then. For the smartest little punk in Florida, you sure are being a moron.

[Ait'al]

Yarnt yall coming over :P~