Post A Joke

[Biohazzard56]

Best Idea for a thread in along time, pretty much just post a joke you have heard or read from somewhere or someone. One Joke Per Post.

Heres mine:

Why Do Women Call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease Was Already Taken.

[ViperGTS]

Mine are way to vulgar and racist...

(just so you people know I am not racist I hate everybody equaly)

[Biohazzard56]

Mine are way to vulgar and racist...

(just so you people know I am not racist I hate everybody equaly)

Yea I have some too that are pretty bad I probably wont post them

BTW, Whats Positive About Africa?

HIV

[1024]

Hamma.

[Biohazzard56]

Hamma.

Hacking Hamma, Killing His Dog, Calling him a Joke

I Have a feeling your about to be banned for a reason :brow:

[1024]

oooo man thats nothing. I've said wayyy worse.

edit: i :love: hamma, his dog, jenny, et cetera.

[Biohazzard56]

Post A Joke, your not allowed to post if you dont make a joke somewhere in your post.

If your Jack O' Lantern has more teeth than you do you might be a redneck.

[1024]

uh, this thread sucks already...

[Biohazzard56]

uh, this thread sucks already...

Way To Go. :thumbsup:

[1024]

thanks. :thumbsup:

:love:

[Dharkbayne]

1024, the webcam pic in your sig is right aligned, and it's driving me insane. Please fix it. :D

[Biohazzard56]

thanks. :thumbsup:

:love:

:love:

[Rbstr]

1024, the webcam pic in your sig is right aligned, and it's driving me insane. Please fix it. :D

/agreed

[Cyanide]

If you live in a mobile home, and have 9 cars that aren't. You might be a redneck.

[Triggar]

Two guys are sitting in a bar in a skyscraper building, a blonde guy and a beefy brunette. The brunette is sitting alone at the end of the bar, pounding shot after shot of vodka. But after each shot, he walks over to the window and jumps out, only to walk back into the bar minutes later and do the whole thing all over again.

After watching him do this for a little while, the blonde guy decides to find out what the fuck is going on. So he strolls up to the brunette and asks, "How do you do that? How do you live after jumping out the window?" and the brunette said, "It's easy, just take a shot of vodka and try it for yourself."

The blonde guy, intrigued, agrees. He takes a shot of vodka, walks over to the window, and jumps to his death.

The bartender walks up to the brunette afterwards and says, "You're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

[ControlledBurn]

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?


A: She was a woman.

[Smaug]

If your name is Jeff Foxworty, you might be a jackass.

[Triggar]

A married couple was invited to a masquerade party. The wife had a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping for an hour, woke up feeling much better so she decided to go to the party.

Since her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she got to the party and spotted her husband cavorting on the dance floor, dancing with every attractive woman he saw. His wife sidled up to him, and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little fun.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior. She was sitting in bed reading when he came home, and asked him how his night was.

He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I didn't even dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Don and Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you, the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

[Onizuka-GTO]

:lol: nice joke Triggar. :p

Here's one!

**************

Subject: Warning!!!!!

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will
also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your
VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you
attempt to play.

It will program your phones auto dial to call only your
mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all of your beer. (For God's sake, man, are you listening?!?!?)

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all
the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and
billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
passive tense and incorporating undetectable mis-spellings, which
grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment,
it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN**

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you're
computer
will blow up 2 seconds later....

Send send send send..................
P.S. In case you are a blonde, this is a joke.

[MrVicchio]

This little old lady walks into the doctors office, and says "Doctor for the last 6 months, I've had gas, lots of gas. But you see, its okay because my farts are silent and don't stink. As a matter of fact, I have farted atleast 20 times since I stepped into your office, but you didn't know this."

The doctor looks at her gravely, checks her temp and a few of the other normal doctro pokings and proddings, then giver her a bottle of pills and says "Come see me in two weeks."

Two weeks pass and the little old lady has returned.

She is not happy at all. "Doctor, I don't know what those pills were, but they made my gas become very... well to be honest, every fart is like an open sewer its so bad smelling!"

The doctor smiles and says "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, lets see what we can do about your hearing."

[Onizuka-GTO]

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life", her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The little girl thought about this for a moment then asked again, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

*******************

A couple got married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said.
"Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. but, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

*****************

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note."I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 AM. Signed "The Blonde".She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

[Jennyboo]

Q:What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

A:Men always miss them!
:lol::rofl:

[Jennyboo]

Busy Bulls
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow."
:D Owned!