Work Pr0n? [SFW]

[Triggar]

I work as a student assistant for the Flight Department of my school. I work mornings, and another kid (we'll call him "Bill") comes in in the afternoon. Every morning when I come in to work, I run SpyBot and AdAware on this machine because otherwise it's slow as hell. I decided to try and find the cause of the computer cloggage (since the only sites I visit at work are the flight department's system, PSU, KingsofChaos and Fark), so I checked the internet history from the night before.

Cue vomit.

I always knew that Bill checked out collegehumor.com like crazy, but today I decided to click on some of the things he was looking at. I find some flash games, some harmless pictures, THEN I uncover his search for the words "fucking" and "pussy", and the related pictures.

Come to think of it, the keyboard is a bit sticky.

I should also add that my boss is out of the office for most of the day for the next few days doing interviews.

I am thoroughly grossed out. Discuss.

[Infernus]

:huh: :huh: Ugh... erm... well don't get him fired, just warn him that you know, and that you'll take it to the bosses if it happens again...

[Hamma]

Thats why I have a laptop, I can surf porn at any remote location and not be discovered because I bring the evidence with me.

[oddfish]

Thats why I have a laptop, I can surf porn at any remote location and not be discovered because I bring the evidence with me.

bingo.

[Infernus]

Thats why I have a laptop, I can surf porn at any remote location and not be discovered because I bring the evidence with me.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


That's what I should do... but nah... the laptop is heavy... (anything weighing over 1 pound is considered 'heavy')

[Baneblade]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


That's what I should do... but nah... the laptop is heavy... (anything weighing over 1 pound is considered 'heavy'):huh:

[Infernus]

:huh:

What... I hate lifting things when I don't have to... I'm lazy as fuck (I play goalie for a reason- I dont have to move much...)

[Baneblade]

I used to train weights, so forgive me if I don't think 1 pound is heaveh...:groovy:

[Wolfeh]

Do topics always get derailed this quickly? ^^

[Ivan]

I used to train weights, so forgive me if I don't think 1 pound is heaveh...:groovy:
How do you train a weight? Do you train them to do funny tricks? ;) :p

[Baneblade]

How do you train a weight? Do you train them to do funny tricks? ;) :p
Oh yes, we had this one guy named Ivan, he liked to try to catch them with his teeth.

[oddfish]

Oh yes, we had this one guy named Ivan, he liked to try to catch them with his teeth.


the real trick is trying to catch them with your brain stem.

[Glaynor]

Thats why I have a laptop, I can surf porn at any remote location and not be discovered because I bring the evidence with me.

Err do you bring all the 'evidence' of your looking at porn with you? Must have lots of tissues in your possession !!

[Infernus]

I used to train weights, so forgive me if I don't think 1 pound is heaveh...:groovy:

I was being facetious...

[Baneblade]

I was being facetious...
;)

[Mag-Mower]

Thats why I have a laptop, I can surf porn at any remote location and not be discovered because I bring the evidence with me.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Infernus]

;)

Well I was... ... ...ugh... :rolleyes:

[Triggar]

Thats why I have a laptop, I can surf porn at any remote location and not be discovered because I bring the evidence with me.


:sniff sniff:
what's that i smell?
oh, it's packets!

-martyr
(forgot to log her out. sorry)

[Triggar]

You have no idea how confused I just was.

This is the real Triggar, by the way.

ANYWAY back on topic, seriously what should I do? Should I say something or just quietly disinfect my work area every day??

[Infernus]

You have no idea how confused I just was.

This is the real Triggar, by the way.

ANYWAY back on topic, seriously what should I do? Should I say something or just quietly disinfect my work area every day??

Say something... but say it to the guy, not the boss, and if it happens again (random check) then bring it up to the boss...

[oddfish]

You have no idea how confused I just was.

This is the real Triggar, by the way.

ANYWAY back on topic, seriously what should I do? Should I say something or just quietly disinfect my work area every day??


if you say something the guy might go defensive on you and then freak out and say something to the extent of: "how DARE you accuse me of viewing pr0n!!"

... in which case, a scene will be caused...

this only leads to bad things.
and constantly Purellling the shit out of the keyboard is a pain.
......... damn, this sure is a sticky situation.........

that pun sure was 1337. i get a cookie, plz.

[Triggar]

Well, how do I say something to "Bill":

a) Without creating a scene that is awkward as ALL hell
b) Being able to prove without a reasonable doubt that it was him doing the pr0n surfing (in case he tries to say, 'how do I know it wasn't YOU?')
c) Without seeming like a huge bitch

He's a nice guy, but this skanky feeling on my hands from the computer peripherals is making me queasy.

[oddfish]

Well, how do I say something to "Bill":

a) Without creating a scene that is awkward as ALL hell
b) Being able to prove without a reasonable doubt that it was him doing the pr0n surfing (in case he tries to say, 'how do I know it wasn't YOU?')
c) Without seeming like a huge bitch

He's a nice guy, but this skanky feeling on my hands from the computer peripherals is making me queasy.




bring your own keyboard. or just say: Look, we're gonna have to stop using the work computer for any other site surfing other than work related stuff because it's getting loaded with spy-ware. hopefully he's not so horny (like me) that he can't refrain from masterbating long enough to go home and do it. just explain that it should be work only sites.. or something like that.

[Triggar]

But the age old "Sex and The City" question begs:

Can I do it on a post-it?

[oddfish]

But the age old "Sex and The City" question begs:

Can I do it on a post-it?


HEY!! THAT JUST GAVE ME A GREAT IDEA!!11111111111

Trig, just put a post-it or some kind of note on the desk/monitor/screen/wherever that he'll see that says:


ONLY USE COMPUTER FOR
WORK RELATED MATERIAL
Thanks
-Management

[Triggar]

My boss would think it was funny, but then he'd ask me about it, and I'd either have to lie or be a little tattle-tale.

Funny though :p

[Heavygain]

***fapfapfap****
Huh? o shit, thought this room was empty!

[TheN00b]

Dear PSU,

My co-worker, "Bill", insists on viewing pr0n and fapping on the keyboard where I work. It's very hard to concentrate through his constant moaning, and I'm growing frustrated. Should I be a n00bz0r tattle-tale, or should I just get a life and ignore him?

Sincerely,

Unhappy Worker

Look out, Abby, we're comin' 4 j00!!11oneone!1

[Infernus]

Dear PSU,

My co-worker, "Bill", insists on viewing pr0n and fapping on the keyboard where I work. It's very hard to concentrate through his constant moaning, and I'm growing frustrated. Should I be a n00bz0r tattle-tale, or should I just get a life and ignore him?

Sincerely,

Unhappy Worker

Look out, Abby, we're comin' 4 j00!!11oneone!1

:doh: :doh: WTF?

[Zodiac]

Well, how do I say something to "Bill":

a) Without creating a scene that is awkward as ALL hell
b) Being able to prove without a reasonable doubt that it was him doing the pr0n surfing (in case he tries to say, 'how do I know it wasn't YOU?')
c) Without seeming like a huge bitch

He's a nice guy, but this skanky feeling on my hands from the computer peripherals is making me queasy.Just flat out tell him to save that shit for home. duh. :p

[Infernus]

Just flat out tell him to save that shit for home. duh. :p

or to bring a cum sock...

[lightfire]

Sorry trig i wont leave a mess on the keyboard anymore... sorry... - bill

[Dharkbayne]

or to bring a cum sock...
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[JetRaiden]

:rolleyes: o well...Im sure this happens at thousands of white collar workplaces everywhere....

[Infernus]

:rolleyes: o well...Im sure this happens at thousands of white collar workplaces everywhere....

All I do in work is work... ...'work'... <.< >.>

[Electrofreak]

Triggar, just make a text file that says "I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING ON THIS COMPUTER" and set the Internet Explorer homepage to its directory on the computer shortly before he logs on. Then, when he gets on and opens the internet, it opens the text file. I guarentee he will fix his web-surfing habits immediately :) Oh, and he will undoubtedly delete the file and reset the homepage so you won't have to worry about touching that "sticky" keyboard again :)

[Triggar]

I'm thinking about stealing some alcohol prep pads from the IT department (while Martyr isn't looking) and having a thorough clean when I get there tomorrow morning.

When he came in this afternoon to relieve me of my duties, I couldn't even make eye contact with him. It was so bad!

[TheN00b]

I'm thinking about stealing some alcohol prep pads from the IT department (while Martyr isn't looking) and having a thorough clean when I get there tomorrow morning.

When he came in this afternoon to relieve me of my duties, I couldn't even make eye contact with him. It was so bad!

Eh, yeah, pr0n is :ugh: . I'm not a hugely moralistic guy, and not a hardcore Christian, but I just don't like that shit. And having to deal with someone you suspect is fapping on the keyboard you're using? Double :ugh: :ugh:

[eXoSloth]

Psssh, what a n00b. He didn't even clear his history.

[Infernus]

Eh, yeah, pr0n is :ugh: . I'm not a hugely moralistic guy, and not a hardcore Christian, but I just don't like that shit. And having to deal with someone you suspect is fapping on the keyboard you're using? Double :ugh: :ugh:

Would that mean its :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: ?

I still say you have martyr give the guy a cum sock...

Psssh, what a n00b. He didn't even clear his history.

Indeed...

[Triggar]

Yeah and all the pictures were nasty, too. I can't look at him ever again thinking he finds those things ::gag:: erotic. :sick:

[TheN00b]

Psssh, what a n00b. He didn't even clear his history.

Indeed, what a silly rabbit.

[Triggar]

That's what I thought too, wtf?? Who doesn't clear their internet history ANYWAY?

I wouldn't want my boss to stumble onto the computer and see I've been farting around on PSU all day!

[Infernus]

Yeah and all the pictures were nasty, too. I can't look at him ever again thinking he finds those things ::gag:: erotic. :sick:

WTF was it scat porn or some shit? (no pun intended)

[Electrofreak]

only a noob forgets to clear his internet history and only a noob would... make the keyboard sticky. get him fired, if he cannot do those 2 things, he sucks at life.

[TheN00b]

Yeah and all the pictures were nasty, too. I can't look at him ever again thinking he finds those things ::gag:: erotic. :sick:

Some people, I guess... My mom recently found out via an overheard conversation that one of her co-workers masturbates to having hot wax dribbled down their back... :sick: :ugh: :sick: :ugh:

[eXoSloth]

:whatelectrosaid:

[Neon Apocalypse]

Some people, I guess... My mom recently found out via an overheard conversation that one of her co-workers masturbates to having hot wax dribbled down their back... :sick: :ugh: :sick: :ugh:
:scared: :rofl: :scared:

[oddfish]

Some people, I guess... My mom recently found out via an overheard conversation that one of her co-workers masturbates to having hot wax dribbled down their back... :sick: :ugh: :sick: :ugh:


that's pretty sleazy.

[Infernus]

Some people, I guess... My mom recently found out via an overheard conversation that one of her co-workers masturbates to having hot wax dribbled down their back... :sick: :ugh: :sick: :ugh:

'wax'

[UncleDynamite]

Leave a box of tissue on your chair when you get off work.

[oddfish]

or just have a big black guy stand behind him while he's at the computer and every time he opens a porn site the big black guy will yell:

STOP LOOKING AT PORN! MUTHUHFUCKA!

[Triggar]

or just have a big black guy stand behind him while he's at the computer and every time he opens a porn site the big black guy will yell:

STOP LOOKING AT PORN! MUTHUHFUCKA!

"Bill" is a big black guy :scared:

EDIT: And the screwed up pr0n in question involved black guys doing 15-year-old looking white girls, huge fatties in a threesome, and wet t-shirt contest sort of things.

[Fragmatic]

[Fragmatic|b0rked]: ah
[Fragmatic|b0rked]: the amount of free porn on the internet is amazing
[Fragmatic|b0rked]: <3 porn
[Lartnev]: <3 for porn
[Fragmatic|b0rked]: ALL HAIL PORNOGRAPHY!
Fragmatic|b0rked hails
Lartnev hails

[oddfish]

"Bill" is a big black guy :scared:

EDIT: And the screwed up pr0n in question involved black guys doing 15-year-old looking white girls, huge fatties in a threesome, and wet t-shirt contest sort of things.


that's pretty scary......

what's the name of that first site?? just so i can make sure no one on my computer goes there.. seriously.. those jerks. who look at porn.
























:D :D :D :D kidding trig ;)

well, the situation has changed now. he's a large black gentleman. it's possible for him to pull the race card on you if you confront him. i suggest you just pay one of your female friends to sechs him so he doesn't have to pleasure himself at work.

[Triggar]

All my female friends:

a) Are home for the summer
b) Would never, ever, ever have sex with a big black guy

Except my old roommate Meaghan - I walked in on her shagging a big black guy - ew. Or in her case, "Ow" :lol:

EDIT: The pr0n in question was found off CollegeHumor.com, he did a search for "fucking" and "pussy" and then I got queased and cleared the history before uncovering anything else.

[oddfish]

All my female friends:

a) Are home for the summer
b) Would never, ever, ever have sex with a big black guy

Except my old roommate Meaghan - I walked in on her shagging a big black guy - ew. Or in her case, "Ow" :lol:

EDIT: The pr0n in question was found off CollegeHumor.com, he did a search for "fucking" and "pussy" and then I got queased and cleared the history before uncovering anything else.


eek.

well, this is quite the dilemma.
... fuck it, just shoot him in the face. problem solved.

[Neon Apocalypse]

http://www.drugtest.freeserve.co.uk/ky_jelly.jpg
http://homepages.ulb.ac.be/~anatemb/images/hand.gif
http://www.illustration.com.au/package/images/tissues.jpg

there, now print those 3 pictures out and leave them at the desk before he comes in

[oddfish]

http://www.drugtest.freeserve.co.uk/ky_jelly.jpg
http://homepages.ulb.ac.be/~anatemb/images/hand.gif
http://www.illustration.com.au/package/images/tissues.jpg

there, now print those 3 pictures out and leave them at the desk before he comes in


taht's the fucking funniest thing i've EVER seen. Neon, god is smiling and fapping over you as we speak.

[Triggar]

You guys dare me to do it?

[Neon Apocalypse]

if you do it triggar you'll be my hero

[Triggar]

I'll have to coordinate a camera borrowage from my better half, but it can be done... I need a color printer, as well... we've only got laser printers at my work, but black and white'll do, right?

I'll keep you assholes posted :lol:

[Neon Apocalypse]

i guess we can settle for black and white, dont you have a color printer at home?

[Triggar]

I do, but that would involve plugging it in (I've been kinda lazy since I've moved).

We'll see, this might be worth it.

[Neon Apocalypse]

black and white is ok

AS LONG AS HE CAN VISIBLY SEE THE KY JELLY

[Triggar]

I will do my best Campers!

Pics tomorrow around 1500 EDT.

[Zodiac]

You rock.

[Sputty]

"Bill" is a big black guy :scared:

EDIT: And the screwed up pr0n in question involved black guys doing 15-year-old looking white girls, huge fatties in a threesome, and wet t-shirt contest sort of things.
..the fatty porn is fucked up
The rest is pretty common, I bet it's not even hardcore
You're over reacting, althought the sticky keyboard is nasty

[StrangeFellow]

this is gonna be teh funnay

[Sputty]

Get a webcam in there and activate it just before he comes in, then send the recording to the boss, and edit it and release it on the internet
hhahahahahahah

[oddfish]

Get a webcam in there and activate it just before he comes in, then send the recording to the boss, and edit it and release it on the internet
hhahahahahahah


now that's pwnage..

[Triggar]

Yeah right, find me a webcam that'd run on this piece of shit IBM they have me using!

I forgot to bring in the camera today, but having the weekend will only improve the final outcome of teh pwnage.

Now hang on, let me check the intenet history:

Okay at first, it looked good. He'd been looking at cars and rims.

THEN IT GETS UGLY AGAIN WTF?!

I disinfected the desk first thing this morning as a preemptive measure.

God help us all.

[Sputty]

Seriously, just fucking chop off his dick
Anyone who can't keep the keyboard clean deserves that measure
It may seem harsh but it's fair

[Triggar]

Anyone who can't keep the pr0n out of the workplace doesn't deserve to work.

I'm so grossed out.

[ICha0sI]

omg... :rofl:

[Triggar]

It's not funny, it's really really disturbing!!

Especially since my boss is off today and "Bill" has the office to himself after I leave...

/me pukes violently

[Squeeky]

I remember a kid in middle school got expelled for bringing in a CD of some kazaa porn he downloaded. He cranked up the speakers and played it. All the guys huddled around the monitor, all the girls were screaming and shit, it was pathetic.

[Neon Apocalypse]

I remember a kid in middle school got expelled for bringing in a CD of some kazaa porn he downloaded. He cranked up the speakers and played it. All the guys huddled around the monitor, all the girls were screaming and shit, it was pathetic.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Wraithlord]

or to bring a cum sock...
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[ViperGTS]

Just leave a box of tissues with a note on it that says USE THEM BITCH!

[oddfish]

It's not funny, it's really really disturbing!!

Especially since my boss is off today and "Bill" has the office to himself after I leave...

/me pukes violently


that is so nasty.

there was a kid in my dorm when i was a freshman who masterbated LOUDLY in the shower. you could hear him down the hall. we made little comments about it that flew right over his head, so he never really got that we knew he did it. i wore combat boots with plastic bags over them in the shower after i found out about his daily stress relief habbit.

[Infernus]

that is so nasty.

there was a kid in my dorm when i was a freshman who masterbated LOUDLY in the shower. you could hear him down the hall. we made little comments about it that flew right over his head, so he never really got that we knew he did it. i wore combat boots with plastic bags over them in the shower after i found out about his daily stress relief habbit.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Triggar]

http://students.db.erau.edu/~cimat41a/img/no.JPG

How's that.

[Fragmatic]

http://students.db.erau.edu/~cimat41a/img/no.JPG

How's that.

needs moar liquid silk, the banana is a nice touch though.

[Onizuka]

:rofl: :rofl:

[Triggar]

needs moar liquid silk, the banana is a nice touch though.

Ew no Frag, we're trying to get RID of the "liquid silk"

[Fragmatic]

Ew no Frag, we're trying to get RID of the "liquid silk"

hahah...

it's a lube.

[Infernus]

hahah...

it's a lube.

Something I need... thanks for reminder...

[I Hate Pants]

that is so nasty.

there was a kid in my dorm when i was a freshman who masterbated LOUDLY in the shower. you could hear him down the hall. we made little comments about it that flew right over his head, so he never really got that we knew he did it. i wore combat boots with plastic bags over them in the shower after i found out about his daily stress relief habbit.
Could you imagine the sucker who layed down to have a bath after he was done?

[Triggar]

I can no longer drink the glass of wine in front of me, you gross, descriptive weirdos!

[TheN00b]

I can no longer drink the glass of wine in front of me, you gross, descriptive weirdos!

Mm, sipping away at that thick, white wine... :brow: :)

[Triggar]

/me pukes

[Fragmatic]

I can no longer drink the glass of wine in front of me, you gross, descriptive weirdos!

We aim to please.

[SDM]

BUKKAKE!!!

[Zodiac]

I saw that shit one time. I almost threw up and was left with a permenant mental scar. Fucking Japanese.

[Infernus]

BUKKAKE!!!

Indeed

[DeepStrikeck]

You should put syran wrap over the keyboard, mouse and monitor with a little note that says "Masterbate at home jackass"

[Neon Apocalypse]

triggar the ky jelly is mandatory im sorry, buy him a tube

[Destroyeron]

:huh: :huh: Ugh... erm... well don't get him fired, just warn him that you know, and that you'll take it to the bosses if it happens again...

yup, and ask him to clean up after himself.

[oddfish]

this is one of those male habbits that needs to stay at home.


i picture this guy coming into work with a really unhappy look on his face, pissed that he has to be at work at all. He retreats to the room with the computer. Ten minutes later he emerges with a grin of the Enzyte variety and there's a little bounce in his step.

Co-workers ask: "Hey 'Bil', new suit?" "Hey 'Bil', new haircut?"
"Bill" replies: "Nope, just jerked off! :)"

[Dharkbayne]

this is one of those male habbits that needs to stay at home.


i picture this guy coming into work with a really unhappy look on his face, pissed that he has to be at work at all. He retreats to the room with the computer. Ten minutes later he emerges with a grin of the Enzyte variety and there's a little bounce in his step.

Co-workers ask: "Hey 'Bil', new suit?" "Hey 'Bil', new haircut?"
"Bill" replies: "Nope, just jerked off! :)"
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Sputty]

I saw that shit one time. I almost threw up and was left with a permenant mental scar. Fucking Japanese.
WTF, "one time"?
You suck


Anyway, do what Deepstrikeck suggested