Nubi
2003-04-17, 05:17 PM
San Diego, California � Today a mass mob hit the city of San Diego in a huge wave of rage. It started at about 10:00 A.M., which happens to be the time that the first mail deliveries are made, and has not ceased since. Thousands of angry people, men, women, 12 year olds, and (surprisingly) even llamas marched their way towards downtown.
As the helicopter followed them we were able to discern several things. For one it seemed that some of the mob were wearing paper plates colored a variety of colors. The primary colors, however, were purple, red, black, yellow, and blue. We are currently looking into the situation to find out if these colors are a symbol of some cult, or possibly a gang.
When the mob got closer to downtown it was apparent they were headed towards the SOE (Sony Online Entertainment) headquarters. When they reached their destination the mob surrounded the building and started wielding an array of weapons. So far the police have collected a pipe, thousands of matches, a few torches, and a peculiar item, a chain gun made completely out of cardboard. It was also found that if you were wearing a different color from the others you were brutally beaten down as well as any SOE employees that may have emerged from the building for a lunch break.
When we first spotted the situation it was believed that this was an anti-war protest but further evidence has proved our theory wrong. Currently a mass chant of what sounds to be �We won�t beta,� can be heard. We have asked an employee that escaped from the building what this phrase could possibly mean.
Bob said, �Well they�re actually saying that they want beta, not that they will not beta [Editor�s note: Beta was previously thought to be slang for masturbation] and they�re angrily�OH MY GOD THEY�VE GOT ME!�
At this time a member of the mob had spotted Bob and drug him into the crowd, thus ending our interview. However we did get a news reporter on the roof and he made his way into the CEO�s office to ask him what could possibly be happening.
�Well it�s very simple, we had two errors with the sending of beta CDs. Today should have been the day most people received their CDs, well no actually they should�ve been received on Monday but Erifkro forgot to inform the mailroom to send them. Now they have organized and are currently protesting the best way they can.� Said the CEO, he then chuckled and said �it�ll be really bad if they scream �SEND IN THE VANGUARD.��
As fate would have it this is exactly what had happened. The crowd started chanting �Vanguard� over and over again. Eventually a monstrosity made of steel and cardboard rolled through the crowd and opened �fire� on the building. [Editor�s note: the projectiles were soggy rolls of toilet paper.]
Eventually, to subdue the crowd a brave employee went to the roof and threw off several thousands of CDs (which had not been shipped yet) off the building. Also several leaflets of paper including a website and weird codes started raining from the sky as well. At 2:00 P.M. the siege had been lifted. 1,337 llamas died in the event as well as 455 twelve-year olds. Several thousand more people were injured in the mad rush for CDs and paper.
As the helicopter followed them we were able to discern several things. For one it seemed that some of the mob were wearing paper plates colored a variety of colors. The primary colors, however, were purple, red, black, yellow, and blue. We are currently looking into the situation to find out if these colors are a symbol of some cult, or possibly a gang.
When the mob got closer to downtown it was apparent they were headed towards the SOE (Sony Online Entertainment) headquarters. When they reached their destination the mob surrounded the building and started wielding an array of weapons. So far the police have collected a pipe, thousands of matches, a few torches, and a peculiar item, a chain gun made completely out of cardboard. It was also found that if you were wearing a different color from the others you were brutally beaten down as well as any SOE employees that may have emerged from the building for a lunch break.
When we first spotted the situation it was believed that this was an anti-war protest but further evidence has proved our theory wrong. Currently a mass chant of what sounds to be �We won�t beta,� can be heard. We have asked an employee that escaped from the building what this phrase could possibly mean.
Bob said, �Well they�re actually saying that they want beta, not that they will not beta [Editor�s note: Beta was previously thought to be slang for masturbation] and they�re angrily�OH MY GOD THEY�VE GOT ME!�
At this time a member of the mob had spotted Bob and drug him into the crowd, thus ending our interview. However we did get a news reporter on the roof and he made his way into the CEO�s office to ask him what could possibly be happening.
�Well it�s very simple, we had two errors with the sending of beta CDs. Today should have been the day most people received their CDs, well no actually they should�ve been received on Monday but Erifkro forgot to inform the mailroom to send them. Now they have organized and are currently protesting the best way they can.� Said the CEO, he then chuckled and said �it�ll be really bad if they scream �SEND IN THE VANGUARD.��
As fate would have it this is exactly what had happened. The crowd started chanting �Vanguard� over and over again. Eventually a monstrosity made of steel and cardboard rolled through the crowd and opened �fire� on the building. [Editor�s note: the projectiles were soggy rolls of toilet paper.]
Eventually, to subdue the crowd a brave employee went to the roof and threw off several thousands of CDs (which had not been shipped yet) off the building. Also several leaflets of paper including a website and weird codes started raining from the sky as well. At 2:00 P.M. the siege had been lifted. 1,337 llamas died in the event as well as 455 twelve-year olds. Several thousand more people were injured in the mad rush for CDs and paper.