Confusion...

[oddfish]

Wow, I've been away a while only to return to some great news

PSU, here to stay rock on.

Well, here's where I've been:

Was in ohio for a long time. A very long time. I had a lot of shit all going on at once with myself and some very close friends of mine that really required my pressence...

I found out three weeks ago from my friend Jay that he was getting married. His girlfriend, Bliss (that's her name) of over a year just found out that she has ovarian cancer and that it's too far along to be operated on. It's entirely her doctor's fault for not knowing about it sooner since her grandmother DIED of ovarian cancer. That's neither here nor there. She's got cancer. And that's that.

So they're getting married. heh.. i'm actually really happy for them, though i can't bear to think about what this is going to do to Jay. He's going to have to watch her slowly wither away. He's going to stay by her side through this whole thing. Every step. And i know that it's going to fuck him up forever. The doctors are giving her 4 years. They're saying that in 18 months if it hasn't been beaten by treatments and chemo and all that then she's got a four year life expectancy.

So they're getting married... Jay made me his best man at the wedding. this is so fucking depressing because it makes me so damn happy for the two of them because i know they'll be happy, but at the same time i can see what's going to happen and... this just isn't fair.

on top of all that i was with Christina, Bliss's best friend, for quite a while over my break... she and i are going to end up together, hopefully. at any rate, we took a road trip to new york city over break because bliss really wanted to go. so we just went. it was great, but i could see how much it hurt jay every time she'd walk away or he and i would be talking and i'd catch him looking at her. he had that look on his face like he loved her so god damned much but knew that there was nothing he could do. then she'd look at him and he'd smile reassuringly at her and that'd be that.

we had the obligatory "i hate god" conversation. heh. even he laughed about that.

so, yeah.. i spent a lot of time with jay, who i've long since considered my brother seeing as neither of us ever had one. i spent a lot of time with all my ohio people. it was funny. we were watching the movie Garden State together one night and we all looked at each other and started laughing. anyone who has seen the movie will understand what i mean.

but, yeah. that was my break in Ohio. snow. cancer. alcohol. pool tables. bowling. plow trucks. printing presses. ex-girlfriends. road trips. sled-riding. christmas tree decorating. family. confusion. having to be everybody's rock.

i'm drained right now and i've been taking loads of pain medication because i shattered my hand over break. six broken bones. six. fourteen individual breaks. yeah. shattered.

but, that's another story for another time. possibly for IRC.

i'm glad to be back, though. i missed you guys very much and love you all.

[Pilgrim]

Deep

I tell ya, that's more noble then many men would be able to be, to put aside your own needs, to love and support a woman in that situation. The temptation is always to be selfish.

Props to your friend.

[oddfish]

... bear in mind he's only 21, too.. i mean. he's giving up a lot. jay's one of the best people i know. i've never had a more loyal friend.

[MrVicchio]

My hats off to your friend. My father had to deal with watching the love of his life fade away, he never left her side. It takes a REAL man to do that. I salute him.

Just be there for him, all right? When he needs you, make the time. (I know you will just saying.)

[Kikinchikin]

That's rough, man. I'll pray for your friend's fiancee.

[Electrofreak]

I fucking hate cancer. I've lost a parent and almost a half-dozen family members to it. Your friend is a hell of a guy to be with the girl through all this. I hope she beats the cancer and they can have a happy marriage together.

A lot can happen in the medical world in 4 years... theres still plenty of hope.

[Sabinius]

wow.. yeah I agree with everyone

and fucking cancer.. all it does is kill
god damnit!

Good luck to you oddfish, your a funny guy
and very very smart, I know you can help him through this
as well as yourself

[oddfish]

it's just so fucking stupid..

Bliss is one of the nicest, kindest, most honest and good people i've ever met in my life.. i just don't understand it. why her? y'know?..

and jay.. my entire life i've only ever wanted jay to be happy and for good things to happen to him because never in my life have i ever had a more loyal friend. it's just not right.. why do the truly good people get punished in life? i don't understand.. then assholes like me get off scott free. hell, i get away with murder, while good people like jay and bliss get fucked over.

... my grandmother pulled the "God works in mysterious ways" card on me. I felt like flipping her off, or at least sucker punching her in the face, but i love my grandmother to death, soooo, that wasn't going to happen. still, i hate that blind acceptance that "IT'S ALL IN GOD'S PLAN."

fuck god's plan. God's plan is shitty. Take all the good people away and leave the fuckers and jerks and assholes and forum trolls(poor attempt at humor.. not feeling very funny lately)...

all i can say is i hope that something happens in four years, because i know that if bliss dies jay's not going to last much longer. that will kill him. i've never seen two people who loved each other so much. and they're so young. i can't understand this. it's like they're being punished for being happy together....

it's not right. i'm the asshole. why is someone like bliss being punished? why someone like jay? i don't understand it.. i just don't.

[Neon Apocalypse]

She can beat the cancer, and I think she will.

[firecrackerNC]

Cancer blows man. Lost not 1 but 2 grandfathers within 2 years of each other from Cancer.

[Kikinchikin]

I just found out today that a new friend of mine has cystic fibrosis. If I'm correct in what I learned in health a while ago, those afflicted have life expectancies less than 30.

I would never have known it by looking at her, she's always so cheerful and happy. I don't know how she deals with it. I know I'd be a mess myself. It really sucks though, I just hope they can figure out a cure for it soon.