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2003-10-29, 12:40 AM
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[Ignore Me] #2 | ||
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Contributor Teh Masturbator
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Umm, there was already like 2 or 3 of these.
http://www.planetside-universe.com/f...highlight=joke http://www.planetside-universe.com/f...highlight=joke |
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2003-10-29, 01:24 AM
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[Ignore Me] #4 | ||
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Contributor General
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Two forums walk into a bar one says the the other that porn site keeps looking at me and playing with herself. What do you think i should do. The other forum say" that porn site keeps looking at me and playing with herself. What do you think i should do" both go on untill they both go up to the porn site and ask her for a date.
Of course the porn sites finishes and leaves the bar. The lesson: forums can make noise but cant hear you.  Edit: forums can make noise but they cant be heard. Last edited by Ait'al; 2003-10-29 at 01:52 AM. |
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2003-10-29, 01:39 AM
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[Ignore Me] #6 | ||
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Lieutenant General
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Knock, Knock
Who�s there? I know it was you. Crap. Knock, knock Who�s there? A talking pig. Pigs can�t talk. Neither can penguins, but I can�t shut him up! Wait till you get a load of the dancing candelabra� Knock, knock Who�s there? You want to buy a kitten? You want to buy a kitten who? Make pretty pet. I�m allergic to cats. Taste good, too? Knock, knock Who�s there? You sure you don�t want buy a little kitten? Yes, I�m sure. Could make one cute fuzzy glove? Knock, knock Who�s there? Ted Bundy Ted Bundy who? Let me in, meat! No! I mean� Hello I am Santa Claus. Yay! Santa! Knock, knock Who�s there? A Predator drone-launched Hellfire missile. Saddam, I think it�s for you! Knock, knock Who�s there? Gandalf the Gray Wizard, friend to hobbits and elves! Dork-ass loser. Don�t hit me! Don�t hit me! Knock, knock Who�s there? My mouth is full of spiders. My mouth is full of spiders who? I didn�t kill the baby. It was made out of popcorn. Popcorn baby! I need a bucket - my knuckles are melting� Man, you have got to lay off the cough syrup. Knock, knock Who�s there? Hitler Hitler who? Hitler: German, dictator, mass murderer. Little mustache? One testicle? �HEIL ME!� Ring a bell? I thought you were someone else. How is that possible? There is only ONE HITLER! Nope. Went to school with a Nelson Hitler. You�re just trying to annoy me now. Do you really have just one testicle? You�d think I miss it, but I don�t Knock, knock Who�s there? Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. What, and that makes you special? Knock, knock Who�s there? Some. Some who? Some asshole telling you knock, knock jokes. . |
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2003-10-29, 01:39 AM
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[Ignore Me] #7 | ||
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Lieutenant Colonel
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Whats the difference between a Musician and a Pizza?
A pizza can feed a 4 person family.
__________________
If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint boy, and that voice will be silenced. ~ Vincent van Gogh Sit Back, Relax, and Enjoy the Action. |
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2003-10-29, 01:45 AM
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[Ignore Me] #9 | |||
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Lieutenant Colonel
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__________________
If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint boy, and that voice will be silenced. ~ Vincent van Gogh Sit Back, Relax, and Enjoy the Action. |
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2003-10-29, 01:43 AM
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[Ignore Me] #10 | ||
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Lieutenant General
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Questions Not to Ask
IRELAND �Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?� FRANCE �Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren�t the French just Germans who can make sauces?� ITALY �Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O�s! � POLAND �Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?� GERMANY �Is this bratwurst kosher?� TURKEY �Where�s the hash at? It�s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?� KOREA �Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?� CHINA �This wall isn�t so great.� ENGLAND �Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?� SWEDEN �Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?� YEMEN �Yemen? That�s a stupid name for a country. What�s it mean -- �Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?� INDIA �You don�t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?� ETHIOPIA �After a long day of travel, I�m famished. Hey � those flies sure love your pregnant son!� CANADA �You�re like Americans without money.� SPAIN �So, this is the country that�s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?� SOUTH AFRICA �I liked it better the other way.� MEXICO �What's that smell?� SAUDI ARABIA �Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?� RUSSIA �Is it always this cold and economically devastated?� UZBEKISTAN �Can you spell Uzbekistan?� GREECE �I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy." AFGHANISTAN �Seriously, where is the real country� where is everything?� JAPAN �What�s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?� AUSTRALIA �How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?� AMERICA �Was John Wayne gay?� |
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2003-10-29, 01:46 AM
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[Ignore Me] #11 | ||
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Lieutenant General
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Highbrow Genital Jokes
My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully inadequate, that evolution laughs at you and promises that your male offspring will also be cursed with your ridiculous nubbin -- thus dooming your DNA! My genitals are so sweetly intoxicating, I was able to convince Cornel West and Camille Paglia to violently disrobe and vigorously copulate with me in a Chablis-fueled, mind-bending threesome that made the seraphim in paradise blush with a mixture of shame and desire! My genitals are so leviathan that Ahab himself, if he were rendered a non-fictional creature, would surely stand upon his masts crows nest and lob mighty harpoons at me! If the teaming masses were to behold my juggernaut-like genitals, surely Marx's concept of the End of History would be nigh. My genitals are of such behemoth proportions, it is to the world of genitalia what Noam Chomsky is to the study of global activism! My genitals are so mammoth in size, that if inches were words, my member could fill every page of one of Ayn Rand's epic Objectivist tomes! A fine 1997 Chateau-La Cardonne Bordeaux would go well with my robust and flavorful genitals, even after the third helping! My genitals are so bursting with sexual magnetism, I could single-handedly seduce and defile the entire lesbian population of Sarah Lawrence University! My genitals bloat with such passionate force, that upon arousal, I barely have enough epidermis to purse my lips so that I may recite Shelley's immortal poem "Ozymandias"! If Philip Glass wrote an ambient opera in honor of my genitals, the title of the epic collection of random notes and sounds would be "Phantasmagoric Ode To Big Dong Number Five."! Hemingway''''s lost book about my genitals began thusly: "His organ was big." My virility is so profoundly cosmic, that in the event that every human male were to cease to be, my limitless supplies of genetically super-human semen could impregnate the remaining female population, thus siring a perfect race of confident, and impressively endowed men! Tired Freudian references aside - your mother played my mighty skin flute like a surf crowned sea nymph trying to rouse Poseidon from his watery slumber! Kurt Anderson secretly admires the cultural relevancy of my genitals, which have supplied artists and writers alike the inspiration needed to create great American works, and this admiration turned to sour envy when he ignored my zippered muse and wrote that appalling "Turn of the Century" that many have mistakenly referred to as a "novel"! So colossal are my genitals, that they compelled Stephen Hawking to theorize that my sexual gravity is such that a tablespoon of it would weigh more than an entire LA club full of amorous, cocaine-addled, Prada-clad Casanovas! My genitals are comparable to Harvard University�s endowment - both are the largest of their kind, both are institutions that demand the respect of academics and undergraduate trollops, and both cannot be seen or used by anyone of low birth or intelligence, unless they work very hard to prove they are worthy. |
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2003-10-29, 01:48 AM
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[Ignore Me] #12 | ||
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Lieutenant General
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Definitely
Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!" "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..." |
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