Things Ya'll Will Never Hear a Southerner Say

[Strygun]

Here are the top 36 things you'll never hear a southerner say. (I'm from Alabama, and this made be laugh.. it's sad, but most of them are true.)

36. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
35. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a
family sedan.
34. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
33. We don't keep firearms in this house.
32. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
31. You can't feed that to the dog.
30. I thought Graceland was tacky.
29. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
28. Wrestling's fake.
27. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
26. We're vegetarians.
25. Do you think my gut is too big?
24. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits
and gravy.
23. Honey, we don't need another dog.
22. Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War?
21. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
20. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
19. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
18. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
17. Trim the fat off that steak.
16. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
15. The tires on that truck are too big.
14. I'll have the arugula and riadicchio salad.
13. I've got it all on the C: drive.
12. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
11. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
10. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
9. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
8. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
7. Checkmate.
6. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't
seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
2. You all. ---(This one made me laugh so hard.. it's so true)

And, Number ONE is:

1. Duct tape won't fix that.

[Incompetent]

They forgot "ask."

[EarlyDawn]

Originally Posted by Strygun

1. Duct tape won't fix that.

Maybe that's because it's true? You can fix anything with duct tape...

[SDM]

Originally Posted by LNS0388

Maybe that's because it's true? You can fix anything with duct tape...

Can duct tape stop Ait'al from posting like a lab chimp on expirimental stimulants? Well, can it?

[I Hate Pants]

I remeber my family and I went down to Florida for vacation once (keeping in mind im Canadian). We drove down there (3 boring days). We stopped at a restaurant on night and I ordered my fodd. I asked what sidedishes they had and the waitress said " what wus that huney"?

me: "A side dish for my meal"

waitress: " You mean a side arm?"

A side arm? Sounds delicious.

Another time we were heading down there we stopped at a rest station in Tennesse. I left my hat in my jacket pocket accidently. It dropped and I went to pick it up. Than some one asked me were I got the toboggan.

This thread reminds me of my " You might be a redneck if..." calander I had once. My favourite one was " You might be a redneck if you teach your parrot cuss words."

Polly wants a fucking cracker.

[Firefly]

Originally Posted by Strygun

2. You all.

You'll also never see them spell it correctly - "y'all"

[Jaged]

Originally Posted by Firefly

You'll also never see them spell it correctly - "y'all"

Ahh, y'all is the most annoying word ever. I just wanna punch anyone who says it around me.

[xmodum]

Originally Posted by Jaged

Ahh, y'all is the most annoying word ever. I just wanna punch anyone who says it around me.

hey y'all!
wut u gonna do punk!?!?! j/k and i no that was stupid cuz im not by u

[Strygun]

Originally Posted by Firefly

You'll also never see them spell it correctly - "y'all"

There's no one way to spell that word. That's why it's awesome.

Anyway... we southerners aren't all bad. We're just unique. (I wasn't born in the south, but I've lived here for about 6 yrs now)

Originally Posted by I Hate Pants

...asked me where I got the toboggan.

Yup, we wear toboggans down here. What do you northerns call em? Bean hats or something like that? Beanie? It's bean something I think...

[Bighoss]

I met this guy from South Carolina on outward bound and no one had a fucking clue what he said. The only thing I think I ever understood was when he said he was from Rockville south carolina. But he said it more like Yaim frum rochiovil sutcarlina

[I Hate Pants]

Originally Posted by Strygun

Yup, we wear toboggans down here. What do you northerns call em? Bean hats or something like that? Beanie? It's bean something I think...

A BEANIE!? Do I look Jewish to you? Anyways we call them hats. Or a tuke. Whichever you like.

And incase you were wondering a toboggan is a sliegh you ride down snow hills. Not something you can wear on your head really.

[Setari]

(from Blue Collar) The best thing about being from Texas is that we have the death penalty and we USE it....other states are tryin to abolish it and Texas is puttin it in the express lane... sry couldnt resist puttin that

[AztecWarrior]

Originally Posted by I Hate Pants

A BEANIE!? Do I look Jewish to you? Anyways we call them hats. Or a tuke. Whichever you like.

And incase you were wondering a toboggan is a sliegh you ride down snow hills. Not something you can wear on your head really.

Yeah, I was wondering what he meant by "toboggan." Toboggans are sleds, beanies are what stereotypical mischevious little kids wear, usually brightly colored and sometimes with a propeller at the top, and yarmulkes (sp?) are the things worn by ****.

[Everay]

HAHAHA! im from texas, i love chess, most of that i do, but, man, just the other night infact, i used duck tape to fix the shower because it wouldnt stop shootin out water.

you really can fix anything with duck tape

[Biohazzard56]

Im from Tennesse and still live their, and i never say yall