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2004-03-10, 04:45 PM
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[Ignore Me] #1 | ||
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Colonel
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Three men, a Torontonian, an Albertan and a Newfie, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knew it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to hell." The Torontonian then stepped up, "Okay, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The Torontonian read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to hell!" With another snap of his finger, the Torontonian disappeared. The Albertan then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you could ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The Albertan read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to hell!" With another snap of his finger, the Albertan disappeared, too. The Newfie then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The Newfie then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right." "Wrong," said the Newfie, "It came from my butthole." The Newfie went to Heaven!! |
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2004-03-11, 07:49 AM
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[Ignore Me] #7 | ||
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Contributor teh Sexb0t
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[ Penis removed by Hamma. ] NEVAR FORGET THE SHUNK! (The Shunk Logs.) Violated by ChiaHamma |
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2004-03-11, 08:08 PM
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[Ignore Me] #8 | |||
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Lightbulb Collector
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly. |
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