[RANT]Wrestling is bullshit. Wrestling is bullshit. Wrestling is bullshit.

[AztecWarrior]

Yes. I borrowed that title from Maddox (Astrology is Bullshit x3).

I was at grandpa's apartment about 30 minutes ago. We were getting ready to leave, and my brother was channel surfing. The others were off doing something else. I was reading an old Popular Mechanics (the one about the DOT/FAA considering loosening pilot restrictions). Given that we had just watch Arnold Schwarzenegger give birth along with the assistance of Danny DeVito in some really retarded movie (directors: any scene with a male giving birth is FUNNY, not DRAMATIC, don't paint it that way), you can guess that there was absolutely nothing good on. Hence the channel surfing.

My brother stumbles upon WWF wrestling. I've never watched that shit for more than 30 seconds. This lasted about 3 minutes long, and it is the most bullshit fight ever. It didn't pump me up, it made me want to kill the wrestlers with my AK-47.

The TV comes on and two sweaty men wearing what appears to be Speedos are in a homoerotic pose, one on the floor behind the other, sideways.I have no idea who they are, as my knowledge of wrestling personalities is The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Hulk Hogan. They do not appear to be struggling at all, just gasping and grunting, like a really bad homoporn movie.

Black Speedos gets up, holding Pink Speedos (yes, he had pink Speedos on) in a headlock. As will repeat during this presentation, they are not struggling. Pink does not try to escape the headlock, either by flipping, backing into a post, or hitting Black with his elbow. This lasts for about 30 seconds, until Pink puts his two neurons to work and decides to hit Black with his elbow. Black throws Pink forward, then knocks him over.

Black gets up, stands over Pink, and proceeds to do what appears to be a male stripper dance, but minus the stripper because he is already stripped, all he has are those Speedos. He holds his arms above his head and rotates his hips. I draw 4 conclusions from this:

1: His armpits are bare. He shaved them. That is a homosexual act.
2: The homowrestling at the beginning, gasping and grunting, bare armpits, and dance lead me to one conclusion: he's gay.
3: WWF REALLY sucks.
4: I need to shoot my brother in the foot with a high-caliber weapon for putting this on, despite that he hates it too.

People start booing, and Black decides to show off his 'stregnth'. He gets to the corner, squats on the corner post, and intertwines himself in the wires. Pink gets up and proceeds to beat him. I don't know how this is supposed to make you win. In my opinion, Black is an idiot for not fighting back and Pink is a weakling, because he can't really hurt black. No, wait, that's becuase it's FAKE! Yes, children, I have never seen more fake blows than on that show. To cover up some of the excessively bad ones, the camera actually jerked to an angle hiding the blow. Nobody proceeded to get bruised, bleed, or show any other signs of abuse than the recoil of blows. By now, you would have thought that someone would be injured. Nope, it's WWF.

A note on punches. I can only bench 110 and I weigh 190. I have 28% body fat, I.E. I'm not too muscular. I gave someone an uppercut (he looked a lot like martyr, so martyr, if you have a relative named Raul, he is a jackass) and the asshole REELED. He took two steps back and had to move his head at LEAST 70 degrees. This is a full-strenth punch. The bullshit on TV, however, was not so. Turn to your left right now, as if you heard a noise. That was the amount of recoil involved here. Not much torso movement either. If you get punched to the face, you aren't going to stay still.

They exchange positions and Pink does the same. I forget what happens next, but it's not worth it. I think I went back to my magazine or something. I look up, and Pink is fighting Black, both are now in the center. I think Pink uses the wires as a catapult to push himself forward to tackle Black. Black extends his arm and knocks Pink over. An arm extension will NOT stop a muscular male sprinting at you. Pink, to fake this, makes his feet slip and he falls down in the fakest, sorriest excuse for a blow I've seen yet.

The rest isn't even worth going by exactly. One of them flips along with the other, and they magically both get hurt. They fake severe back/neck injuries, then manage to get themselves up, and in a few moments, are fighting full stregnth again. And more shit like that. By the time my brother changed the channel again, they were pretending to be severely injured as they both lied on the floor.

Wrestling is bullshit. Wrestling is bullshit. Wrestling is bullshit.

I have the utmost respect for boxers, martial artists (I myself am a blue belt in Tae Kwon Do), but there is just so much bullshit in this. It doesn't have the atmosphere of a fight at all. Sweaty, shaved, steroid-strong, possibly gay men wrestling in a fight scene with more fiction than Star Trek, The Fast and the Furious, and Driven combined, along with girls dressed in next to nothing announcing the round changes, with a referee in official clothes thrown in to make it look official.

Let's all do the world a favor. Let's say you know someone who likes wrestling. Shoot him in the face. Think about it. It's the law of averages. If 20 out of 100 people were wrestling fans, and all 20 died, we would have a PERFECT 100% RATE!

So please. Don't watch wrestling.

DISCLAIMER: No, Strygun, I don't REALLY want everyone to shoot wrestling fans. I am not responsible for sharp population declines in the following states: West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma.

PS: I am also not offended by REAL wrestlers. Wrestling is a sport. I have the utmost respect for real wrestlers, who wear unisuits, not Speedos, and are athletes. They also recieve MUCH less publicity than 'ball' sports, I.E. football, basketball, soccer. WWF is a bullshit show

[SDM]

Agreed

[JetRaiden]

Originally Posted by SDM

Agreed

[Veteran]

Females wrestling in any gelatin/cream-based dessert redeems the tradition.

[Mango]

Originally Posted by Veteran

Females wrestling in any gelatin/cream-based dessert redeems the tradition.

Not when they look like men

[AztecWarrior]

Note: I am also not offended by REAL wrestlers. Wrestling is a sport. I have the utmost respect for real wrestlers, who wear unisuits, not Speedos, and are athletes. WWF is a bullshit show.

[Happy lil Elf]

Originally Posted by AztecWarrior

Note: I am also not offended by REAL wrestlers. Wrestling is a sport. I have the utmost respect for real wrestlers, who wear unisuits, not Speedos, and are athletes. WWF is a bullshit show.

Put on by people who could break you in more ways than you can imagine. Yes the fights are staged, yes they are in fact scripted and yes wrestling is all around idiotic, but could almost anyone of them break any average person with ease? Yes. They know how to take a hit, and they know how to deliver a hit. They do in fact know holds that could easily literally break someone with the amount of power they could put behind them.

So in closing, is Wrestling dumb? Yes, very much so. Is it staged? Obviously so, but then so are movies . Is it dumb because the wrestlers are pussies? No, not even close. It's dumb, at least to me, because a soap opera that has some staged fights, with large men who can't act, appeals to me even less than a soap opera full of pretty boys and haggard old women who also have the acting skills of a highschool drama troupe.

[Indecisive]

ROFL.


Btw, the shaving thing is a body building thing. Dad was a body builder like 20 years ago, thats how I know. No, my father is not gay. Fuck you

[AztecWarrior]

Armpits? How does removing underarm hair add on to weightlifting capabaility?

Besides, I am sure your father did not do gay stripper poses above other men wearing Speedos.

[Rayder]

Makes you less smelly? I dunno.

[Cyanide]

The TV comes on and two sweaty men wearing what appears to be Speedos are in a homoerotic pose, one on the floor behind the other, sideways.I have no idea who they are, as my knowledge of wrestling personalities is The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Hulk Hogan. They do not appear to be struggling at all, just gasping and grunting, like a really bad homoporn movie.

Black Speedos gets up, holding Pink Speedos (yes, he had pink Speedos on) in a headlock. As will repeat during this presentation, they are not struggling. Pink does not try to escape the headlock, either by flipping, backing into a post, or hitting Black with his elbow. This lasts for about 30 seconds, until Pink puts his two neurons to work and decides to hit Black with his elbow. Black throws Pink forward, then knocks him over.

Black gets up, stands over Pink, and proceeds to do what appears to be a male stripper dance, but minus the stripper because he is already stripped, all he has are those Speedos. He holds his arms above his head and rotates his hips.

This is the best depiction of a WWF match EVAR. Excellent rant.

[Corrosion]

Originally Posted by Cyanide

Excellent rant.

[Indecisive]

Its a visablity thing. You are supposed to see a "ripped" body and the muscules..and thats it.

They also use oils to look shiny.



/edit/ btw, just reassirting my h8 for wrestling here. It sucks.

[Rayder]

What about the super-fat ones?

[Indecisive]

Comidic value? You got me there