Don't you hate it when...

Smaug · 2004-12-10, 12:17 AM

You're taking a piss and then you sneeze and you don't have a proper grip on your unit. Then it flaps around and piss hits the wall or something? I talked to trggar about this and she says it happpens to her ALL the time too.

Triggar · 2004-12-10, 12:19 AM

Oh I'm a mess. When I lose my grip on my... what'd you call it? My "unit". Oh it's just a mess.

On a not entirely unrelated note, when my little brother was learning how to write in cursive, he'd try and write his name on the lid of the toilet with his piss.

The first time, we thought it was hilarious. THe "F" is a very difficult letter to render in urine.

The 50th time he did it, we beat the shit out of him.

FlamingPotato-J · 2004-12-10, 12:21 AM

I never learned cursive...do i fail at life?

JetRaiden · 2004-12-10, 12:51 AM

Ive sneezed and had really intense bowel movements before.

oddfish · 2004-12-10, 01:05 AM

Originally Posted by FlamingPotato-J

I never learned cursive...do i fail at life?

people who write in cursive should be shot.

mechaman · 2004-12-10, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by oddfish

people who write in cursive should be shot.

Indeed, I can hardly remember the cursive letters anymore because the teachers haven't told me to use it in over 3 years.

On another note, I've never had smaugs problem.

Hamma · 2004-12-10, 10:12 AM

This thread owns.

BUGGER · 2004-12-10, 12:59 AM

Hold on to your equiptment.

Lonehunter · 2004-12-10, 05:55 AM

Originally Posted by BUGGER

Hold on to your equiptment.

Exactly, you must need practice with the holding procedure. Drink more fluids and get more practice time in.

Everay · 2004-12-10, 10:54 AM

indeed, it is difficult, but, if you have mad skills like me, its no problem at all. im so accurate, it doesnt matter if the lid is up or down.

oddfish · 2004-12-10, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Everay

indeed, it is difficult, but, if you have mad skills like me, its no problem at all. im so accurate, it doesnt matter if the lid is up or down.

i too am a pee sniper. if only that skill could be used for practical purposes...

Triggar · 2004-12-10, 11:27 AM

What I want to know is, do you really need to put the seat up when you pee? Granted I've never once peed in a way that demanded I stand up and aim for the bowl, but can't you like, stand closer and shoot directly inside without having to put the seat up?

Someone understand the logistics for me as I'll never get to test out my theories.*

*No, Martyr won't let me use him for experimentation purposes. I've asked

oddfish · 2004-12-10, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by Triggar

What I want to know is, do you really need to put the seat up when you pee? Granted I've never once peed in a way that demanded I stand up and aim for the bowl, but can't you like, stand closer and shoot directly inside without having to put the seat up?

Someone understand the logistics for me as I'll never get to test out my theories.*

*No, Martyr won't let me use him for experimentation purposes. I've asked

Triggar, lemme break it down for ya:

When a guy goes to urinate, he tries to be as lazy as possible about it. So, lifting the seat is a hassle, but he usually still does it if there's a lady in the house. The reason we can't lift the seat without pissing all over it has nothing to do with accuracy or angle. You see, there are several parts and processes involved in urination for a guy.

First, the release -- When you first get going there is one of many things that may happen. You may have to shotgun piss, where you've been holding it for two days and it comes out like it's coming from a shower head. This is messy and usually results in piss everywhere, not just on the seat. The other possibility is the dribble piss, where you just took a piss fifteen minutes ago and you thought you had to now but you don't, or the pee before you go on a car trip. This situation results in much of the urine ending up right on the front of the toilet seat AND on the floor between your shoes. Then, there's the post-sex piss. For some reason, after sex, even if the guy didn't orgasm, his piss wants to just shoot off in some wild angle. This results in the first couple seconds of urine spraying against the cieling or the wall, and the guy now has to angle himself in an awkward position to get the urine INTO the toilet, let alone not on the seat. These are just a few variables, I'm sure i'm leaving some out.

Second, control -- after the release, there's maintaining control of the stream. Drunkeness, sneezing, a really funny friend who bumps into you while you're pissing, or desire to hurry the urination experience, will alter your control a certain degree. This may result in piss on the seat.

Third, the shake -- Everyone knows about the shake. This is a scary time if the seat's down. During the shake, there is the possibility of a derelict drop that may land just about anywhere, usually on the seat. No matter how careful a guy is, odds are this is when he'll get some on the seat.

Finally, the wrap up -- Zipping up and getting ready to go? The last flip before the "unit" is back in the boxers/briefs/boxer-briefs/boardshorts/bathing suit/trousers is the final chance for urine to make a last ditch effort for the seat. One drop may remain and make its way through the air to the seat. This is one stealthy drop. It's often called "the ninja drip."

This is why, even for a pee sniper like myself, there is still a chance of getting piss on the seat.

As far as putting the seat back down. Ladies, please, if you fall in it's your own fault. Why wouldn't you LOOK before sitting? Hmm??? Retarded? I think so.

Triggar · 2004-12-10, 11:46 AM

Thank you for the brilliant explanation.

I don't feel bad for women who fall into the toilet bowl when the seat's been left up. I've done it many a time myself. We can't bitch about wanting the seat down if you can't bitch about wanting the seat up.

However, I still don't get what's the big deal about just getting a square of TP and wiping up any drips? It's a long-held secret of the female species (we, too, are afflicted with "the ninja drip").

Also, it's funny because we have the same problems - the pee squirting out like it was coming from a showerhead, the pee dripping out because you just went 10 minutes ago, the pee coming out in every direction possible. It makes me that much more grateful that I get to sit down and not have to worry about such things at Pee Time!

oddfish · 2004-12-10, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by Triggar

Thank you for the brilliant explanation.

I don't feel bad for women who fall into the toilet bowl when the seat's been left up. I've done it many a time myself. We can't bitch about wanting the seat down if you can't bitch about wanting the seat up.

However, I still don't get what's the big deal about just getting a square of TP and wiping up any drips? It's a long-held secret of the female species (we, too, are afflicted with "the ninja drip").

damned ninja drip.