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[Ignore Me] #1 | |||
Contributor Old War Horse
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Gaellic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all people, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly Lost. Saved at the last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates "The First Rule of French Warfare": France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman. Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. (Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huegenots.) Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchman take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied. War of Augsberg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded French supporters the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. War of Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French their first taste of Marlborough, which they have loved ever since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the "Second Rule of French Warfare": France only wins when America does most of the fighting. French Revolution - Won. This was primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French (who lost). The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (brought about by the application of the "First Rule of French Warfare") due to the leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. (The French troops probably got distracted by wanting to try on the fancy shoes.) The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of "the drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night". World War I - Tied. Were on the way to losing; France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what its like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein". Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song. War in Indochina - Lost. French Forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the "First Rule of Muslim Warfare": We can always beat the French. This rule is identical to the "First Rules" of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he runs into a McDonald's. ![]()
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Manitou "On the plains of hesitation lie the bones of countless millions who, upon the dawn of victory, sat down to rest and resting, died." <))>< |
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[Ignore Me] #8 | |||
Contributor Custom Title
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French Army to Market 'Ultimate Surrender' Video Game
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[Ignore Me] #12 | ||
Lieutenant Colonel
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In defense of the undefended, France did dominate europe for a significant period of time.
Charlemagne, Louis XIV, and Napoleon do come to mind when I think of great leaders in history. Charlemagne and Louis XIV increased french power a great deal and made france the dominant area in the western world. As far as Napoleon, you can't blame him too much for losing. Who knew that fighting a ground war against the Russians was such a bad idea? ![]()
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If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint boy, and that voice will be silenced. ~ Vincent van Gogh Sit Back, Relax, and Enjoy the Action. |
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[Ignore Me] #14 | ||
Lieutenant Colonel
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BTW, what does France's record implicate?
France may bey opting out of fighting because they know if they do fight, NATO will lose. Don't hate on France. They are doing their very best to preseve a NATO victory. ![]()
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If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint boy, and that voice will be silenced. ~ Vincent van Gogh Sit Back, Relax, and Enjoy the Action. |
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