A different look on Planetside 2 universe thrue a reporters eyes : )

DevilzRightHand · 2013-05-02, 11:31 AM

FIRST I WANT TO SAY THAT THIS IS A DIFF LOOK AT THE PS2 UNIVERSE where soldiers CAN DIE.

Also I am in no way good at writing story's, Infact i am 110% noob at doing this : )
I just thought i would do this because I wanted to try - Its a first time 4 every one i guess : )

So please be nice

AND SRY MY RLY BAD SPELLING

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Hello readers.

I want to tell you a story about the soldiers I met on a planet far away from earth. Its a story about bravery and sacrifice from the men and women fighting for our freedom on a planet called Esamir.

As many of us here on earth I only saw the brutal war on television, And when I got the call in from work to go and do a news report I can admit that some where in me I wondered if I rly wanted to do this.

But now after I got home I can't be more proud and understanding about what our brave children / fathers and mothers are doing over there.

I remember it all as it was yesterday, The ticked dropped in thru the mail box on a Monday as I recall and the next day I stood below the space shuttle that was going to take me to the battlefields of Esamir.

I was the only privateer on that ride, The rest were soldiers and workers bringing equipment to the battle fields far away from home.
On the shuttle I had the chance to talk to some soldiers and while they were going to war and knowing that many of them would never come back they were still very happy and optimistic, Joking and laphging with eachother and I couldn't help to think for my self if they rly understood what they were going to. Had they watched the same news as me I questioned my self.
And as I was going to realize later they had, Better then any one back on earth.

I remember a soldier sitting in the seat next to me, His eyes were pinned into the seat in front of him and when I asked him if he was scared he just looked at me with those eyes. I can't describe the look but it wasn't fear, it was what looked like pride, And yet he wasn't a day older then 18, What do he know about war I thought before falling asleep.

I got waken up by a soldier in heavy armor and stripes on his shoulder telling me we had landed on Esamir and it was time to take my bags and get of the shuttle. As soon as I got off the cold air of esamir hit my face almost freezing my skin right there and then and then it hit me, This men and women on esamir don't just fight the enemy, they fight the land itself, I couldn't understand how a normal human even could stand one minute in this cold weather, But maybe these people aint no humans, As the trainer said at the Space Academy Training school back on earth: We are taking the "human" out of the soldier and making them fighting machines.

As I went down the stairs from the shuttle and put my feet on the cold and snowy Esamir ground I realized for the first time that this is not a war that will be "easy won" as they said on television, This war had been raging for years and will rage for many years to come. Every where there were men running around, Commanders shouting at soldiers standing in line, Engineers putting in meters and meters of ammo belts into tanks and above my head galaxy's were circling around and landing.

I stood there frozen just looking at everything going on around me when the same soldier that woke me up on the shuttle came running forward to me.
- Follow me and I will show you your quarters he said and I followed him over the staging area. I asked him while we were walking if there always were this kind of hectic around here and he just lapghed and said. No not always but right now the Terran republic have taken a foot hold in the hills far to the north and we are doing a call back to rearm and bring in no troops so we can do a big push and take those hills back. I heard that you are here to do news report about our war here he continued, You are in for a hell of a ride then.

I looked him without saying a word and there and then I understood that my own life were in danger. We got to a room in the end of a long corridor and he opened the door and said this is your place. The room were steel from floor to sealing with a bed that would fit more in a jail sell then at a staging area in one of the corners. I turned around at the same time he gave me a bag and closed the door saying that he would come and get me when there were a place in a galaxy free.

When the door closed I opened the bag and found a helmet and an armor.
The helmet looked like it had been badly beaten but then some engineer had tried to to there best to wash the blood out of it and hammered it with a hammer. Then I saw the armor and I can't until this day stop thinking about it.
It was filled with bullet holes, 2 in the stomach and 1 in the heart.
I begged for my own safety and for the soldier that worn this before me that he got a fast death. I placed the army and helmet in the corner of the room and went to bed.

2 days later it was finally time but not in the way I had hoped.
I woke up by a siren going of and a voice saying: ALL SOLDIERS THIS IS AN EMERGENCY CALL OUT / EVERY ONE REPORT TO THE NEAREST GAL.

As I peeked out thru the door soldiers were running by, In the mist of all the action I saw the young soldier that had been sitting in the seat next to me over to esamir and I grabbed a hold of him asking: What is going on?

We are going to WAR he said, And I realized that this was it, If I were going to get a good report about this war it was now or never so I took the helmet and armor from the corner and put it on. As I came out in the staging area it were more galaxy's there then the day I came to esamir. When I got here first it was maybe around 20 galaxy's and now it was over a hundred standing by.

The young soldier that was eager to go to war shouted at me thru the door of a galaxy that it was a spot free and that I could take it if I wanted.
I thought to my self for a moment if this were rly something I wanted to do but then took my place in the galaxy.

As I got in there were already eleven other people in it, I took my place next to a heavy assault trooper and dragged the guard rail over my head and looked it in in front of me. It was so silent so you could hear a needle drop and for the first time I saw the faced on the people that were going to war.

Some were just sitting silent looking strait to the floor not saying a word, Others were writing what looked like letters home and when they were done neatly putting them inside there chest armor, I asked my newly met friend next to me if it weren't to late to write a letter home now and he looked at me and said: Those are not letters.... And I realized it were there "farewell" notes.

The gal started to vibrate while the engines were starting up and thru one of the small windows I saw the engineers take away the fuel hoses and doing the thumbs up, The pilot opened the cockpit door and said: we are on our way, You will be briefed while we are in the tube.

We took off from the ground leaving behind us a dust cloud and flew out over the vast planes of Esamir. The speakers clicked on and we heard a voice coming thru: We are going to war gentlemen, The Terran republic have been fighting this war years before you were born, DON'T hesitate to shoot them or they will take you down. They are a feared enemy, They know what they do and they are well organized so keep your head down, Fire only if you have a target and good speed. We are dropping in 2 minutes. The speakers once again went silent and I asked the kid next to me. Dropp in?

He looked at me with a smile and answered, Galaxy dropp? Never heard of it? I had no idea what it meant but I was going to realize it within seconds. 5 SECONDS TO DROP - HELMETS ON the pilot shouted and the light inside the galaxy went from red to green. I peaked out thru the window just to see twenty + tanks stuck in a fearsome fight below us. 3 SECONDS !!

With a metallic sound you could here the floor below us starting to move and within seconds I could see the ground far away below my feet. The seats in the galaxy started to tilt forward and we were now sitting with our heads towards the ground almost upside down. And before I could react we were freefalling thru the air towards the ground.

In the back of my head I remembered what the trainer said at the academy.
Spin 360 degrees in the air, Pull your knees up, Push the absorb module while 2 m from the ground and brace 4 in pact. You know while free falling true the air with gun fire all around you and explosions going of every where its a hard time to remember but I am glad that the trainer didn't let me leave the academy before I knewed it in my sleep.

Pt2 coming later : )
And every advice i get i will put in ps2 so it will be "easier" to read

Canaris · 2013-05-02, 11:47 AM

fun read, just a couple of small points, the Planet is Auraxis and one of it's continents is Easamir, unless that is intentional.
You should never use abbreviated words (txt spk) when writing a story like "thru" it's through & rly versus really or + instead of plus.

Spell checker ftw

Also to differentiate between the story narrative and talking, wrap the speech in "speech"

I enjoyed it though, always like fan made stories

DevilzRightHand · 2013-05-02, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by Canaris

fun read, just a couple of small points, the Planet is Auraxis and one of it's continents is Easamir, unless that is intentional.
You should never use abbreviated words (txt spk) when writing a story like "thru" it's through & rly versus really or + instead of plus.

Spell checker ftw

I enjoyed it though, always like fan made stories

Thanks : )

Yea this is my first time writing anything like that so i am a TOTAL 110% noob in writing these kind of things hahah : )

But i will take your advice and put it in pt2 that is coming later

Once again : )Thx 4 the help and advice

ShadoViper · 2013-05-02, 12:28 PM

My opinion follows;

First of all, If you wish to write a story about a universe, don't break the lore. If you do, have purpose/reason behind doing so, that fits the universe/makes canonical sense/can be explained.

Invest in the names, locales, and weapons of the universe as well. If you're not willing to invest in the universe, what's the point in the fan-fiction?

it's not a bad start. However, with that said, it's still very rough and average at best to read in its current state. It needs to be proofread because there are quite a few mistakes that could be easily fixed. Also, No text or leet speak. this breaks the flow and is hard to take serious.

I found that the story had a little too much unneccesary filler/repeating words. This became less interesting for me to keep reading.

For instance

"I stood there frozen just looking at everything going on around me when the same soldier that woke me up on the shuttle came running forward to me."

I think you are able to write something more engaging than that, but with less while also not making it overdone/fancy.

This is my example;

I stood. Frozen. Unable to do anything but gaze upon the chaos and gunfire surrounding me. It wasn't until I felt a familar nudge from behind...

Something like that.

It's more or less about trying to find a balance between keeping it simple but also trying to find different ways to say things instead of repetition.

An example for me would be..

I went over to the market. I walked over to a stand. I talked to the man. I thought he was nice.

It's a good start, but you would ideally mold it into something more interesting for the reader.

With anything, things take practice, so it's good to see you're taking a step forward and trying.

Keep writing!

Keep in mind, this is also just my opinion. There are many writers/people with different point of views. I'm also not a writer, nor would I consider myself a linguistics pro.

DevilzRightHand · 2013-05-02, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by ShadoViper

My opinion follows;

First of all, If you wish to write a story about a universe, don't break the lore. If you do, have purpose/reason behind doing so, that fits the universe/makes canonical sense/can be explained.

Invest in the names, locales, and weapons of the universe as well. If you're not willing to invest in the universe, what's the point in the fan-fiction?

it's not a bad start. However, with that said, it's still very rough and average at best to read in its current state. It needs to be proofread because there are quite a few mistakes that could be easily fixed. Also, No text or leet speak. this breaks the flow and is hard to take serious.

I found that the story had a little too much unneccesary filler/repeating words. This became less interesting for me to keep reading.

For instance

"I stood there frozen just looking at everything going on around me when the same soldier that woke me up on the shuttle came running forward to me."

I think you are able to write something more engaging than that, but with less while also not making it overdone/fancy.

This is my example;

I stood. Frozen. Unable to do anything but gaze upon the chaos and gunfire surrounding me. It wasn't until I felt a familar nudge from behind...

Something like that.

It's more or less about trying to find a balance between keeping it simple but also trying to find different ways to say things instead of repetition.

An example for me would be..

I went over to the market. I walked over to a stand. I talked to the man. I thought he was nice.

It's a good start, but you would ideally mold it into something more interesting for the reader.

With anything, things take practice, so it's good to see you're taking a step forward and trying.

Keep writing!

Keep in mind, this is also just my opinion. There are many writers/people with different point of views. I'm also not a writer, nor would I consider myself a linguistics pro.

AWESOME : ) I will keep on writing and i will take your opinion and make god use of it : ) And i actually felt when i wrote that i could do better, Though i (like i said) am not so good at story telling so i was a little afraid 4 my own sake that if i start to write more and more detailed i take "water over my head" so to speak

.

But i will take your advices and use them in pt 2 : )
Thx 4 helping me - and sry my bad eng : )

(Some time spell check dont fix some words : /)

HiroshiChugi · 2013-05-02, 12:51 PM

Fun read, I cringed though as I am a major Grammar Nazi. :P Also, to prevent futher movements of your posts, there is a Fan Fiction section in the forums where these stories should go.

DevilzRightHand · 2013-05-02, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by HiroshiChugi

Fun read, I cringed though as I am a major Grammar Nazi. :P Also, to prevent futher movements of your posts, there is a Fan Fiction section in the forums where these stories should go.

hahah i can understand that

Sry that i made you cringe sir : )
I promise that part 2 will be better : )

And regarding the "Fan fiction section" Didnt notice that until i posted it here

Sorry about that. Pt 2 will be up together with pt1 on that site next

OCNSethy · 2013-05-02, 06:01 PM

Grammar and spelling, not withstanding, you have a raw talent there, my friend. Once you master those I feel you will be on the way to being a very good writer.

Your use of imagery and emotion is very good. I could see the places and people you where describing and felt what they where feeling.... This is the hallmark of a good writer.

Please keep it up and keep us posted with your new works.

Thank you for sharing this.

DevilzRightHand · 2013-05-03, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by OCNSethy

Grammar and spelling, not withstanding, you have a raw talent there, my friend. Once you master those I feel you will be on the way to being a very good writer.

Your use of imagery and emotion is very good. I could see the places and people you where describing and felt what they where feeling.... This is the hallmark of a good writer.

Please keep it up and keep us posted with your new works.

Thank you for sharing this.

Omg thanks so much for that nice comment : )
Pt2 wont let you down

Micro · 2013-05-04, 06:06 AM

Yea, what the others have said.
Otherwise, great start! Looking forward to read part 2!