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2003-06-04, 04:53 PM
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[Ignore Me] #2 | ||
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Corporal
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all of mine are long and pretty perverted but ill post cause i can and this one is one of my weakest ones so ill post better if you like it at all
A Change Of Vows During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do." The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."
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In the beginning, God created Earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. |
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2003-06-04, 07:11 PM
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[Ignore Me] #3 | ||
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Corporal
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A Rabbi and a priest are on a plane sitting next to each other, The Rabbi is readint the trusty Tora and the Priest is catching up on his bible knoledge.
After reading for a while the priest leans over towards the Rabbi and says, "Tell me Rabbi, does your relegion still forbid you to eat pork?" The Rabbi sighs, and says "Yes it is still against my relegion to eat pork." The priest says "well, have you ever succum to temptation and tasted pork?" The Rabbi says "Yes, once" The priest seems satisfied with this and goes back to his reading. A little while later the Rabbi leans over to the preist and asks "Tell me father, is it still a requierment of your faith that you remain celebate?" The preist sighs and says "Yes, it is still a requierment of my faith that I remain celebate." The Rabbi asks "well father, have you ever succum to the temptation of the flesh?" The preist says "Yes, I have once" This seems to satisfy the Rabbi and he goes back to his Tora. He reads for a couple of minutes, and then leans back over to the preist and says "It was better than pork, wasn't it?" |
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2003-06-07, 02:57 AM
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[Ignore Me] #7 | ||
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Corporal
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+ Euro Joke
The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has been accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "0" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas...
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In the beginning, God created Earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. |
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2003-06-07, 03:43 PM
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[Ignore Me] #9 | |||
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Lieutenant General
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What did the penis say to the condom?
Cover me I'm going in.
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2003-06-11, 01:31 PM
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[Ignore Me] #14 | ||
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Corporal
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Hope you guys like this one to then
Marriage Joke A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?". The lady replies "I want to kill my husband." "I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist. The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position - the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife - and shows it to the druggist. He looks at the photo and says . . . . . . " Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"
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In the beginning, God created Earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. |
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