[Guide]Necrophiliac Guide - PlanetSide Universe
PSU Social Facebook Twitter Twitter YouTube Steam TwitchTV
PlanetSide Universe
PSU: Inbound enemy Trees!
Home Forum Chat Wiki Social AGN PS2 Stats
Notices
Go Back   PlanetSide Universe > General Forums > The Lounge

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 2004-03-31, 04:07 PM   [Ignore Me] #1
Squeeky
Contributor
Teh Masturbator
 
Squeeky's Avatar
 
[Guide]Necrophiliac Guide


The below guide contains NWS content, read at your own risk



I did not write the guide, you can find the orignal at

http://www.joker.si/mnenjalnik/viewtopic.php?t=59090
Be advised, the above link is NWS


[Sex Guide] Necrophilia for Boneheads

by Theoderich and The Pixel Fairy

I: Introduction

Very few text files have been written regarding the sexual tendencies and practices of necrophiliacs. While most people would prefer to believe that we do not exist we most certainly do as is obvious to anyone who visits a cemetery during our nightly rampages. Necrophiliacs prefer to go about their business alone; sharing is not a part of this alternative lifestyle as the corpse usually wears out fairly quickly. This is not to say that the occasional orgy involving four or five necrophiliacs and about a dozen or so corpses does not occur, but it is very rare. In this file I will describe common (and some uncommon) techniques which necrophiliacs use to gain satisfaction from their stiff partners. Hopefully these vivid descriptions will encourage you to go out to your local cemetery and to join our ranks!

II: Finding a Partner

Finding a partner for your necrophiliac activities is definitely the hardest part. You not only have to gain access to the corpse but you also have to find one which suits your tastes. Granted, some necrophiliacs would screw roadkill if given the chance but most of us are more discriminating. Your chances depend upon where you pick up your date. If you have access to a morgue it would definitely be your best bet as the corpses there are usually the freshest and have not yet been treated for burial. They may be a bit chilly because they've been lying in the meat locker for days but that really shouldn't make a big difference to the determined necrophiliac. Cemeteries are a bit harder to deal with as finding a screwable corpse is harder to do. However, if you know how to interpret signs this shouldn't be a problem. If a grave consists of a mound of fresh dirt and is covered with flowers, chances are that the stiff hasn't been laying here for too long. Rotting flowers on the mound usually hint to the state of the corpse as well. Some people are exclusively into 'porking the bone', i.e. sex with skeletons. In this case you can dig up almost any grave and hope that the inhabitant hasn't yet disintegrated into dust. Try to scope out a fairly secluded cemetery for your passions unless you like a sense of danger to go along with the sex. Having anyone catch you in the act is NOT fun, and if you're picked up by a cop chances are that you won't be able to screw anything but Bubba behind bars for the next few decades. People are generally not understanding of the necrophiliac lifestyle, so it will probably be a long time before we can come out of the closet.

III: Preparation

Depending upon where you are at this point you'll have either a little or a lot of work to do. The person in the morgue will obviously have to do little more than to open the locker, pull the corpse out and bang away. If you're one of the cemetery people you'll have more work to do. An experienced necrophiliac is always equipped with the bare essentials: a shovel, Vaseline and a box of rubbers. Why the shovel is needed should be obvious, but if the ground is hard then you might need more equipment to dig up your date. Vaseline is used to loosen the corpse up a bit. This makes it less likely for a body part to break off while you're having fun and it also prevents your mantool from becoming too irritated while screwing the dried out pussy. The BOX of condoms is used to play it safe; no necrophiliac should be without it. You never know which STDs your partner had during his/her lifetime, and believe me, it doesn't get any better after the person dies. You can put on more than one rubber for extra protection if it is warranted, but screwing a corpse without protection is just plain stupid unless you want to be the next date for a necrophiliac. If you're in a cemetery try to drag the corpse out of the grave and behind a bush or to another secluded place. Pumping away in the grave may seem more convenient, but it's a severe disadvantage to you if you need to take off in a hurry. Sometimes the corpse is too fragile to be moved; in that case make it fast. Or just break off the head, hand or lower torso and take it with you for added convenience.

Note from the pixel fairy: This is where i must warn you! Vaseline dissolves latex, meaning it will eat through your or dead-boy's condom. Use KY Jelly or anything else that's not oil-based.

Part IV: Techniques

So now you've got a stiff lying seductively in front of you, but you have no idea how to start. How you proceed from this point onward really depends upon what kind of person you are. The corpse will last longer if you treat it gently and with care, but if you prefer to go all out you'll probably receive greater satisfaction. There are many differences between screwing a live and a dead person which one needs to be aware of. Firstly, a corpse will never tell you to get off of it if you're being a bit rough and it will never complain no matter what kinky sexual practices you use it for. Screwing a corpse is also much more predictable because you can raise an arm, leg or whatever and it will still be in that position when you reach for it again. Take the arms and gently lock them in an embrace behind your back, or spread the legs to make sex a bit easier. If you want a great blowjob then lubricate your partner's mouth, lock it to your preferred width, insert and go for it. Although there's no tongue stimulation it's still worthwhile, and it's also safer than conventional sex. Corpses can also be recycled if treated properly. If you're a proficient embalmer you can keep a corpse for over five years if it has been properly embalmed. That's free sex whenever you want it! You naturally don't want to be too rough with an embalmed corpse though as they are more fragile. One final advantage of screwing corpses is that they are always in abundance. Based upon your sexual preferences you can designate a cemetery or a morgue as your territory and always find fresh partners to screw. Plus you don't have to resort to cheesy pickup lines or spend all your money in order to get a date. necrophiliac is a passion which is cheaply satisfied.

Note from the pixel fairy: Necrophilia is not so cheaply enjoyed unless you already have such direct access.

V. Conclusion

I hope that this text file will encourage you to go out and try necrophilia. Not many people do it, but that's precisely what makes it so much fun; it makes you feel special! If no living person would touch you with a 10 foot pole then try having sex with a corpse! Some of them are real beauties and it's an experience you'll never forget. There is no greater experience for a virgin than having his/her virginity taken by a corpse. Anyways, have fun and if you have any experiences you'd like to share then by all means do! Maybe necrophilia will enter the mainstream because of your efforts.
Squeeky is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:12 PM   [Ignore Me] #2
Khronos
Lieutenant Colonel
 
Khronos's Avatar
 


ive been needing one of these, thanks!


just kidding, ugh.
Khronos is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:13 PM   [Ignore Me] #3
Sputty
Banned
 
Sputty's Avatar
 


There is no greater experience for a virgin than having his/her virginity taken by a corpse. Anyways, have fun and if you have any experiences you'd like to share then by all means do! Maybe necrophilia will enter the mainstream because of your efforts.
Sounds like Squeeky did something special
Sputty is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:14 PM   [Ignore Me] #4
HunterKiller
Second Lieutenant
 
HunterKiller's Avatar
 


Thats Fucking Disgusting!
HunterKiller is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:42 PM   [Ignore Me] #5
Cyanide
Major
 


Ok. That's just sick. Even Michael Jackson thinks that's sick.
__________________

Last edited by Cyanide; 2004-03-31 at 04:52 PM.
Cyanide is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:46 PM   [Ignore Me] #6
OfaLoaf
Colonel
 
OfaLoaf's Avatar
 


OfaLoaf is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:49 PM   [Ignore Me] #7
Dharkbayne
Lieutenant General
 
Dharkbayne's Avatar
 


What

The

FUCK
What

The

FUCK
What

The

FUCK
What

The

FUCK
What

The

FUCK
What

The

FUCK


Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK
__________________
[Sig removed by forums changing color. Ph34r the design change.]

+200 Cool Pts
Dharkbayne is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:49 PM   [Ignore Me] #8
Ogge
Master Sergeant
 
Ogge's Avatar
 


thats kinda old...
Ogge is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 04:59 PM   [Ignore Me] #9
Electrofreak
Contributor
Major General
 
Electrofreak's Avatar
 


Squeeky, thanks for confirming my suspicion that you are indeed a sick demented fuck.
__________________

Support the use of a dynamic XP system in PlanetSide 2!
Electrofreak is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 05:05 PM   [Ignore Me] #10
Bighoss
General
 
Bighoss's Avatar
 


well know that thats been cleared up I can die peacefully
__________________
Take what you can! Give nothing back!
Bighoss is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 05:06 PM   [Ignore Me] #11
Squeeky
Contributor
Teh Masturbator
 
Squeeky's Avatar
 


Originally Posted by Electrofreak
Squeeky, thanks for confirming my suspicion that you are indeed a sick demented fuck.
Hey, fuck you. I didn't write it, nor did i endorse it.
Squeeky is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 05:07 PM   [Ignore Me] #12
Cyanide
Major
 


Originally Posted by Bighoss
well know that thats been cleared up I can die peacefully
Just make sure you die somewhere where Squeeky can't find your corpse.
__________________
Cyanide is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 05:07 PM   [Ignore Me] #13
Onizuka
Lieutenant General
 
Onizuka's Avatar
 


Some people in the world just need to die, now.
__________________
Onizuka is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 05:09 PM   [Ignore Me] #14
OfaLoaf
Colonel
 
OfaLoaf's Avatar
 


No, that's the problem. Now we know what happens to them after they die.
OfaLoaf is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 2004-03-31, 05:13 PM   [Ignore Me] #15
Squeeky
Contributor
Teh Masturbator
 
Squeeky's Avatar
 


Wtf guys, all i did was bring this guide to your attention. I didn't write it, endorse it, or anything. You people make Baby Sqweeky cry :[
Squeeky is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply
  PlanetSide Universe > General Forums > The Lounge

Bookmarks

Discord


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:27 PM.

Content © 2002-2013, PlanetSide-Universe.com, All rights reserved.
PlanetSide and the SOE logo are registered trademarks of Sony Online Entertainment Inc. © 2004 Sony Online Entertainment Inc. All rights reserved.
All other trademarks or tradenames are properties of their respective owners.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.