[Tirade]This is why I don't like Role-Playing Games

[AztecWarrior]

Before we begin, I'd like to say that I was deeply distrubed by the following reply I recieved in a thread:

Originally Posted by Neon Apocalypse

jesus christ aztec! Why the hell do you have to be such a downie. All you do is find a decent excuse for bashing people in whatever you do. Calm down man. Maybe you have no friends or something and you like making other people feel bad so you feel better. Get some help kid all you ever do is bash people. If you don't like what we post then ignore us or something. If you dont have any positive or constructive comments then dont say anything.

"Downie?" No, my self-esteem is high.

"Basher?" Hell yes.

I like the sweeping assumption made here: "maybe you have no friends or something".

Look. Don't take my response to that desktop thread that seriously, I put it in Size 7 Color Red for kicks.

Just kidding. I meant what I said. I have the right to disagree something in the mainstream, no matter how many other people like something. I don't derive pleasure from it, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, ok?And by the way, remember that last line, "If you dont have any positive or constructive comments then dont say anything." You will see it later. And by the way, "Rant", "Bash", and "Complain" appear to be taboo words, God forbid someone not like something, so I use a synonym of them all: "tirade."
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I hate Role Playing Games. All of them. Lineage 2, Final Fantasy XXLCVIIII or whatever it's at, you name it. Right off the bat, you are going to tell me that everyone to his own taste. Nobody's opinion is fact. Fine. This is my taste, I am explaining to you why my taste is different.

Next explanation on why this entire post is BS and Aztec is just a Mexican/Cuban/Nazi/***/Basher: "But they're fun!" I don't find them fun. This is why.

1: Level up!

I don't agree with the idea of leveling up. I have the Neverwinter Nights demo. I levelled up my character, and his Max HP spiked like six points. What the fuck? This is bullshit. "But they level up in Planetside!" Yes, but they don't become impossible to kill! Levelling up just creates a massive gap. Once you are level sixty, you fucking rape everything that is level one, be it monsters, NPCs, or other players (thus rendering this a shitty-ass system for multiplayer.)

2: If Tekken players complain about button mashing...

...then I don't want to know about RPGs. There is NO SKILL. All I have to do is press the X key and my character launches a spell, arrow, or lance, and hits the enemy. If he misses, it's the random inaccuracy factor. There is no aiming, nothing. What's so fun about pressing a button and watching your Half-Ogre in Bone Armor +3 swing his axe over and over to a Red Dragon? Speaking of battle...

3: BATTLE MODE!

I fucking hate Battle Mode. Even if the games have all the other features, I can sometimes play a game if it doesn't have BATTLE MODE. I was at a GameStop or some game store once. There was a PS2 with FF10 on it. I moved my character along an empty mountain trail.

All of a sudden I enter BATTLE MODE!

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM? THE ROAD WAS EMPTY! Wha...there are people in my group! I mean come ON, dragons don't pop out of nowhere! How about the devs and players grow testicles and LET THE ENEMIES FIND YOU! (Note: Thank God that this is not in ALL RPGs.)

4: In Soviet Russia, cliche Wizard/Fighter/Bowman picks YOU!

Let's face it. Lineage 2 is the epitome of this system, but the fact of the matter is, these games are mostly the same. Fight with magic or weapons. Lineage 2 has this down pat- those are LITERALLY the only two classes (exception is the engineer-type class, where you have to pick a whole 'nother race whose only class is that). NWN extends this so that it is pretty much the same thing, but with different kinds of magic/weaponry. (Face it, Druids and Wizards are pretty much the same shit.)

"But FPSes are all the same- guy with gun!"

There are no classes in most FPSes. The ones that exist are team-based and are based realistically off the modern army's tactical squad.

5: It robbed me of my friend

Dark Valor was the god of FPSes. I am his real-life schoolmate and friend. This guy knows pretty much EVERYTHING about EVERY FPS created, Doom to Half-Life, especially Duke Nukem. He also kicks ass at strategy games, and is our Rise of Nations demigod.

Then he tried Lineage 2.

I have yet to find the bastard who showed him it, but he is going to suffer. He has dropped all FPS play and once literally played Lineage 2 from 4:00 PM when he got home to like 2 in the morning. ON A SCHOOL DAY.

The sickness has infected him even into his AIM Away Message:
-
I am currently slaying the demons and dragons that inhabit the dark corners of the evil-infested land of Aden. If you choose to fight along side us warriors to cleanse the land, you may find me roaming the mountains and forests of Talking Island.
-

If you see him, frag and bag him, then tell him Aztec sends his regards. Or "PK" him, whatever you people call the act of murder.

6: And to advertise (insert MMORPG here), we're going to use scantily-clad elf women! LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING COMPANY.

This speaks for itself. Since EverQuest, most MMORPGs (Lineage 2 and FFXI come to mind) have basically put pretty little elf women spinning around so their underwear shows in all their ads, culminating in Lineage 2's website. The elf-other screenshot ratio is maybe 1 to 1. Ask Eine, AS YOU LEVEL UP IN FFXI AS ONE OF THE FEMALE RACES, YOUR CHARACTER LITERALLY LOSES CLOTHING! I'm not gay, I'm not sympathizing with FemiNazis here, but it's all the same! Even RPGs that don't do that suffer from Show Off Pretty Graphics in Screenshot syndrome. I want a fucking game that is as bright as World War 1. That would kick ass. A World War 1 FPS.

7: Same Old Situation (S.O.S)

RPGs (not all) have the same fucking setting. It's a quasi-medieval world, but with magic and other humanoid races.

We've seen it before! Stop trying to clone Dungeons and Dragons and MAKE SOMETHING NEW! SWG is a step in the right direction, something that's not Lord of the Rings-like for once. How about a present-day war RPG? How about a space wars RPG? For God's sake, don't you get TIRED of being an Orc against the Evil Mage Thurgior?

8: "I'm not an RPG guy, but this is pretty cool."

DON'T LET IT TAKE HAMMA!

Ok children, let the flaming begin.