A letter to Mr. Smedley

[Charred]

I want this letter to serve as an oasis of sanity in Mr. Smedley's desert of foolishness. If you disagree with my claim that an increasing number of people abhor Smedley's insidious catch-phrases and are looking for alternatives, like the truth, then read no further. Smedley's understrappers are unified under a common goal. That goal is to promote the rapacious orations of impolitic schnooks. Smedley has planted his cultists everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance Smedley's ability to utilize unfathomable brutality against his castigators, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that he tries to assert his autonomy by attempting to make bribery legal and part of business as usual. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that we must not miss our chance to improve the lot of humankind? It is bootless to speculate on the matter, but it should be noted that people who believe that it is Smedley's moral imperative to crucify us on the cross of nonrepresentationalism need to be worked over with an oak table leg and then sentenced to 20 years of hard labor in order to straighten out their thinking. Disguised in this drollery is an important message: The irony is that his most malign epigrams are also his most unpatriotic. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent."

As is often the case, Smedley is utterly gung-ho about mandarinism because he lacks more pressing soapbox issues. He loves using big words like "interdifferentiation" and "honorificabilitudinity". As a result, he writes like a mentally ill person with a thesaurus. That got me thinking: Perhaps the memoirs that Smedley's minions are so proud of are woefully evil. Let's be sure that I've made myself absolutely clear: I have no interest in getting tangled in the rhetoric or dogma that Smedley frequently pushes. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further. Unfortunately, I can already see the response to this letter. Someone, possibly Mr. Smedley himself or one of his cult followers, will write a dotty piece about how utterly abusive I am. If that's the case, then so be it. What I just wrote sorely needed to be written.