A New Terrorist Threat (funny)

[Lexington_Steele]

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a
calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search
of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to
themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent
on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us
with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every
sphere of influence," the President said adding: "Under the circumferences, we
must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President
Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal
everything in their math on scalene never before seen unless we become
exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue
to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their
necks.�