Helpful hints when ordering pizza

[Strygun]

1. If using a touch tone phone push random numbers while
talking and ask the person to stop that.

2. Use CB lingo.

3. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this
conversation."

4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

5. Instead of naming the toppings, spell them out.

6. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST,
FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE.

7. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

8. If they repeat your order to make sure they have it
right, say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99, please pull to the
next window."

9. Try to rent a pizza.

10. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

11. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther away as you
speak. When the call ends, jerk it back and scream goodbye
at the top of your lungs.

12. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

13. Ask to see a menu.

14. Report a petty theft.

15. If they suggest something, adamantly declare, "I will
not be swayed by your sweet words."

17. Start your conversation with, "My call to Pizza Hut,
Take one... and.... ACTION!"

18. Act nervous and press 9-1-1 every five seconds
throughout the order.

19. After ordering, say, "I wonder what this button does"
and simulate a cut-off.

20. Start your conversation by reciting the day's date and
saying, "This may be my last entry."

21. Say, "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt" rather loudly and ask them if
they felt that.

22. Teach the order taker a secret code and use it on all
subsequent orders.

23. When the price is quoted, say, "Ooooooooo, that sounds
complicated. I hate math."

24. If they suggest a side order ask, "Why are you
punishing me?"

25. Have a movie with a car chase scene playing loudly in
the background. Yell, "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

26. Dance around the word "pizza" and avoid it at all
costs. If they say it, say, "Please don't mention that
word!"