A History of the Universe-Planetside Style

[sTaTicshifTer]

I present to you, out of complete boredom and lack of sleep: Version 2!

Version 2-what the old forum censors wouldn't let you see!





A History of the World- Planetside Style:



In the beginning, there was God�and CSRDanB. Everywhere God looked, it was dark-like some sort of memory leak. So he did an /appeal for a light. DanB was like, �uh ok, I�m gonna let you go with a warning, but here is your light�. And God was like, �w00t!�.



He went to work on Earth, and placed humans and animals of all different shapes and forms on it. The people were indeed the very definition of newbies. And they were all lfr (looking for religion), so God sent them all an invite. Most accepted, some declined, while others were afk.



There were two users, who registered for Earth on the day of release-Adam and Eve. They soon became buddies. Eve however, was constantly doing bad things. Soon everyone was doing bad things. God became frustrated, and was like, �wtf gay!� So he reset the servers and all accounts were lost.



God then decided to give this whole �admin� thing one more go. The second world seemed to be going ok for the most part. But God decided to mix things up a bit. He sent his son, GODJESUS, to Earth, and sat back to watch the fireworks, oh and of course, *grabbed popcorn*. And GODJESUS went to work on making the world a better place. The problem was, nobody would believe him when he told them he was Gods son. So he had no choice but to make alt people and use those alts to say how great of a person GODJESUS was. Some n00bs were getting really pissed when he started walking on water. One user was like, �wtf hax0red�. And /appealed him. Another person saw him healing the sick and handicapped, and was like, �wtf nerf GODJESUS!�, and once again, /appealed.



Soon the appeals began to mount. CSRDanB had no choice but to remove him from the world. Soon, GODJESUS�s removal became famous. And so did the story. Some people were like, �omg im gonna write a book!� Others, choose to name there kids after GODJESUS. Such as, GODJESUS-PWNS-J00. And eventually Mel made a movie about the whole thing titled: The Passion of GODJESUS.



It turns out; the user who made the event into a book hit a jackpot. His book was read by billions. He died shortly after release, and nobody knows who he was. His book was read by Kings and Queens of countries in Europe. Who forced their squad members to read the book, and worship God. This made God happy. He sent them signs in their soup, and in the fields. Signs like, :-) and ;-) and >:*) but nobody realized they were signs.







A few years later, a man by the name of, Galileo comes along. Galileo had some ideas he wanted to spread. Galileo believed that the sun was the center of the Universe, and that Earth evolved around it. Some people believed him, and were like, �buff Galileo !!11�. Other outfits, like the Church, saw his views as a slap in the face to the Inquisition. They flat out told him to STFU. Galileo was like, �f*ck you guys, I know I�m right.� Pope Paul the fifth, who was nicknamed, �Pope shit-for-brains the fifth�, had him banned. Galileo spent the rest of his life, in his Sanctuary, writing in his journal, �imho, the Inquisition needs to be nerfed. They are the biggest group of f*cktards I have ever seen.� It wasn�t until 1983 that the Church finally realized what a bunch of n00bs they where, and that Galileo had been right all along. *Church slaps themselves*



A few hundred years later, there came a cr5 named Napoleon. He was viewed by many as a hero of the French. Some peasants even went as far as painting their goat with the message: Napoleon Rox0rs My Box0rs. Others found Napoleon extremely annoying. Especially when Napoleon took away soldiers that were needed to calm peasant riots, by spamming country-alls saying, �FRENCH RAID FORMING UP AT RUSSIA WARPGATE IN 5 MINUTES!!!!!1111�. This pissed off many other cr5�s. The raid took place in January, 1812. It was a disaster. Napoleon failed to bring enough transport. Everyone got stuck in the snow and was like, �wtf ghey�. By September, nearly two thirds of his forces logged off. The Russian cr5�s, were like, �omg we won!!� The weather then pwned all but a few that managed to wait out the �you are in an enemy sphere of influence, you will recall in 30 days�.



A few years later, Britain discovers a way to do things fast, and easy. Soon Britain began to revolutionize, and they called it, the Industrial Revolution. However, Britain did not wish to let other people in on there secrets. Until one man leaked the �Industrial Source� to the rest of Europe. All the other countries were like, �w00t!�. Britain however, was like, �f*cking firewalls, /appeal�



CSRDanB was like, �omg I�ve had enough of this shit. I�m tired of listening to you complain, so STFU people. From now on, I�m banning anyone who sends me an /appeal.�





In the 1930's, a man by the name of Hitler came along and told the Germans everything they wanted to hear. So Hitler had no problem finding squad members until he quickly reached cr5. Hitler made many country-alls telling his empire that they were the greatest. However, many residents had a hard time believing this, after all, they did lose WW1. Hitler was like, "oh, well that's because of the ****, they just refuse to work as a team and follow orders." Eventually, Hitler made the **** where the star of David for easy notification of who was cool and who wasn't. The **** were like, "wtf is this crap." ***** /appeal* *CSRdanB ignores *****



Soon, the treatment the **** were receiving was becoming really gay. So many **** decided to switch empires. Others tried to hide. During this whole "hey-lets-f*ck-the-****-over" plan, Hitler kept taking land that didn't belong to him. Other countries cr5's where like, "uh, he can't do that....maybe he'll stop after that last piece of land he just took..." But he didn't. Finally, Hitler conquered Poland, and Britain had an alliance with Poland, and with France, so the "Allies" as they called themselves, acted. And WW2 was born.



Luckily, a *** named Einstein left Germany before the shit hit the fan. He switched to U.S. Einstein was like, a leet mathematician. Problem was, he was so smart on one side of the brain, he couldn�t do simple things, and would forget which house he lived in. His neighbors were like, �dude, wtf, your house is the one with the RED door! That�s right, we painted it so you wouldn�t forget, you stupid f*cktard!� Einstein was like, �wtf just you wait! I�m gonna build a device to kill you� And his neighbors were like, */ignore Einstein*



So Einstein helped build the Atomic Bomb. Einstein was like, �lol, what should I call this thing? How about, Orbital Strike? Ya, that sounds cool. Or, I could call it an Atomic Bomb, because I�m a retard who can�t remember to put my clothes on.�



Finally, in WW2, the US put the Atom Bomb to work. They dropped it on the Japanese. And they were like, �omfg we are so screwed�� And the US is like, �ya that�s what you get! You silly Japanese, don�t f*ck with us. You bomb our boats, we nuke you cities. At0mic Bombs 4 Evar!!!!111�



Then, on September 11, 2002 terrorists flew two fully loaded galaxies into the World Trade Center. This horrific act forced U.S. military to step things up a bit. So, we sent some infiltrators into Iraq to spy on Iraq leaders, and get info on more terrorist groups. Unfortunately, all the Infiltrators were killed. It was believed that they forgot their primary mission and did their own mission "hey we're invisible, lets go kill people!"







And after that, God saw his server, and was like, �well, I ain�t starting over again, too many people gained BR and CR� And God noticed people would sit behind a computer and type up stupid stories about video games, and mock serious stuff, and was like,

�w�.t�..f.�





A note from the author,

Well this project took me an extremely long time to complete, but it was fun. I did not mean to offend anyone with this content, especially the *** remarks. As for the 9/11 spoof, I hope I didn't offend anyone there. Let me just say, I am a loyal American and only meant what I wrote and drew in a comical way. If I have offended anyone, I'm sorry.



Special thanks to:

Snorky, for letting a stranger take pictures of him

Hue, for helping me take the TR pics.

And of course, the Official Planetside Forum Community, for much of the inspiration (GODJOEY, etc)