Guide to Idiots in Battlefield 1942

[CrazyJoker]

After a very disturbing round of Battlefield 1942 in which I played with what I consider to be the largest group of idiots I have ever seen I decided it was time that someone made a list of the Who's Who of Idiots in Battlefield 1942. They are in no particular order but I made sure that the one's that would be referenced later would appear first (#8 in particular). Anyways, without further adieu, here they are, Battlefield 1942's Finest:


10. Luke & Bo Duke - These guy seems to think they're in the General Lee whenever they're driving a jeep (and any other vehicle for that matter). Unfortunately cliffs in Battlefield 1942 usually don't have that opposite side for them to land on. The Dukes can be seen in action wherever there's terrain that they should probably not be driving on. It is recommended that you not get into a jeep (or any vehicle for that matter) with someone named PLAYER.

9. Grenades R Me - This guy loves grenades, unfortunately he doesn't seem to understand the concept very well. To him there's an enemy behind every corner and over every wall. The color of your uniform is of no concern to him all that matters is hearing the explosions and seeing his name appear at the top of the screen. Grenades are universal on every map and so is this guy.

8. General Pickett - He's got a gun, he's got bullets, most importantly he's got feet. It doesn't matter if he knows for a fact that there are 4 Tiger tanks sitting on the other side of the hill, he's going straight for them. No matter how many times he gets gunned down, he's just going to keep going back to the same place to die again.

7. Mr. I'm Sorry, Were You Using That? - This guy has apparently never seen a wrench before in his life so he doesn't understand that someone is repairing their vehicle when they're standing next to it with one. Not only does he not care about stealing your vehicle he also tends to have Pickett's disease once he's in it. Don't expect to see your vehicle in one piece within the next 30 seconds once he steals it. Wherever there's a guy repairing his tank this guy is probably not far behind.

6. The Chaffeur - So you've taken several minutes to find a good spot on top of a hill where you can bombard the entire valley below with an artillery gun. Unfortunately this guy is bent on giving you a better view of your enemy whether you like it or not. He also has an extreme tendency to display Pickett's disease, which means if you don't bail you will probably be dead in a few seconds. Chaffeurs tend to be prevalent in the mountains and hills of any maps so it is suggested that once setting up your artillery, hop out and look around to make sure he wasn't following you the whole time.

5. Gollum/Smeagol - For this guy, the plane is much like the coveted ring in the movie. Sure he can seem like a nice, harmlesss guy when you spawn on the carrier but as soon as a plane appears it is suggested that you not go near his "precious". If he can't TK you to get to it then he will try to knock you off your balance with grenades and/or expacks. Also he won't hesitate to drop mines on the runway if he gets mad enough. Wherever there's a plane this guy is lurking and waiting to get in it at all costs.

4. Batman - This guy is only a hazard to himself and in many cases may actually help you out if you aren't caught off guard by his madness. I know for a fact that nothing can knock off the enemy's concentration more than seeing a guy jump out of a building only to hit the ground with a *thud*. Batman is not limited entirely to the city, however, and many times he can be seen attempting to jump off of bridges and cliffs. Most people tend to figure out that they can use their parachutes in some instances but this guy is convinced that he can survive any fall no matter how far the drop.

3. Can You Hear Me Now - aka The Spammer. This guy will let you know when the enemy is coming. He will also let you know when he needs a ride. He will let you know when he needs back-up. Unfortunately he does it about 5-10 times just in case you couldn't hear him the first time. Woe to the person in artillery who's attempting to get a lock on the enemy when this guy is spotting for them.

2. Benedict Arnold - What's that? We're losing? Not anymore! At least this guy's team isn't losing, not since he switched. Good ole Benedict can usually be seen on the winning team and if he's not then he soon will be. Benedict isn't as obvious to spot because its hard to keep an eye on the top of the screen at all times, but if you keep an eye on the who's on which team you can start to get a feel for who the traitors are.

1. The Pure 100% TKer - This guy has taken it upon himself to completely ruin the game for everyone else. These kills aren't accidental, they are actually people that have decided that shooting whoever they can, friend or foe is apparently lots and lots of fun. If you see someone doing this just go ahead and leave the server because eventually they will be on your team at some point.

(Editor's Note: I'm without a doubt a perfect example of #10. If you happen to get in a jeep with me please be forewarned that there is a 4-1 chance that we will not reach our intended destination alive. So don't be offended if you think you may fall into one of the above categories, we all do in one way or another.)