The Gamers Credo

[Fragmatic]

"Don't call me on the phone. If I still had a dialup, it would just be busy. Now I have cable, don't call me on the phone, because I am playing a game and if I stop to talk to you, I will most likely die. What could you possibly have to talk about that you couldn't send me e-mail anyway? If someone is injured or in trouble, call the police or the hospital. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Don't invite me to your gatherings. It's not that I'm anti-sociable; I just need 100 more points to get a level 30 Necromancer. If I don't show up, don't say bad things about me because, rest assured, I will know about it and I will rain a meteor storm about you to silence your insolence. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Don't contact me about your past due bills. I know about them, but they are lying on my coffee table, spilling onto the floor, until I can finish this last mission and reap the reward to upgrade my weapons. Any amount that is left over will be needed to upgrade my computer to the latest technology and increase my frame rates. I will pay you when my employer pays me more. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Employer, don't expect me to show up for work on time, or some days at all. I have been up all night trying to snipe that **bleep** across the valley and somehow he always sees me first. Anyway, I am on a salary and I get paid whether I'm there or not and this is more important than listening to you tell me how smart you are, and how much you know, when deep down inside we both know that you are an idiot. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Don't tell me I'm not paying enough attention to you. If you really loved me, you would buy another computer and join my clan. You will have to go through the proper time and ridicule as a newbie of course, but after I kill you over and over, we will be together. And please .. Invite your Mother. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Don't comment on my personal hygiene. I'm in combat dammit !! I don't need to cut my hair, shower or shave. The rest of my squad looks and smells just like me so you are the one with the problem. If I bathed regularly, I would just stand out among the other warriors and would be picked off by that **bleep** I'm still trying to snipe. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Don't release your game with bugs. Don't tell me when I call tech support that I need the latest drivers. I'm a gamer dammit !! I have all that stuff. Don't rush your games out for Christmas expecting to fix everything in a few months with patches. If it isn't ready then keep working on it, but you better release it within a week of it's due date anyway, or I will vent my frustration with flames about your vaporware on your forum everyday saying how much the game sucks while secretly dying to get it in my hands. Don't blame me, I am a gamer.

Don't comment or sneer at my messy house. The only thing I need to clean is my monitor so I can see that **bleep** that is still sniping me. The half eaten food lying around me is not trash. At the end of a round I can use it for nourishment until the next one begins so please do not come in trying to clean up and "help" me. I do not need help. I just need that @#$%& sniper in my sights!! Please God just once!!! Don't blame me, I am a gamer."