The Nalgene Bottle

[oddfish]

Yeah.. so, I was just rooting through some stuff in my nana and papa's refridgerator at their war torn house here in Heathrow. (war torn because of frequent butt rape by ol' Frances) And, well, i found a Nalgene bottle in the back of the fridge that's been in here for probably over a year. It still has the same Kool-Aid in it that i made a year ago. Tropical Fruit Punch.

so, i went to open it and see what the dilly was...

then i noticed somethng strange. it appeared that the Nalgene bottle was bent or like it had been stepped on. For those of you who don't know, this is a nalgene bottle


anyways, i had a yellow one with a black lid. it was in the fridge. i took it out, it looked like someone stepped on it. BUT, then, i slowly turned the bottle in my hand and noticed NOT ONLY was the bottle not bent, but that the little cracks where i thought the bend was started to move.

I figured, well, the stuff must've gone bad, right? But.. then.. it's fucking sugar water. How could it go bad? So then i thought, it must be the sugar, right?

So, i was about to open it, but then thought, perhaps i shouldn't.. shit's been in there a year, perhaps there's something wrong with it. but then i opened it because i don't tend to think too much before i do things anyways. so i open it and this little cloud comes out. probably because it was so cold inside or something, right?

then i look in the bottle and the stuff looks really weird. the middle-most part of the liquid inside is dark, and the outermost is very light. Like, the middle was BLACK and the outside was red and it was weird. So, i stuck my finger in it.

this is where it gets weird. it wasn't watery. it was like a kind of jell-o-like consistency, only a bit more liquidy.. like, it would pour out. so i poured it.. onto the floor. i don't know why.

it came out slowly at first and then fell to the floor with a splattering plop. the stuff scattered like a liquid, but there was still a considerable lump of it in the middle of the place where the splash initially impacted.

so, i poked it with a bic pen. it wiggled. so i stopped.

this is where the story gets weird.
as i poked it, it slowly started to grow. not noticably at first, but then i noticed it when it went from a couple inches to the size of an entire kitchen floor tile. yeah, i noticed it.

it kinda just spread out. like, it flattened out.
as it expanded it seemed to be making the pergo flooring underneath it start to bend and warp. so, naturally, i started freaking out. i ran to the closet and got a mop and a roll of paper towels because this was looking like a brawny mess.

then, all of a sudden, it stopped. when i went to sop it up with the mop, it was hard as a rock. like it had frozen or something. hard as concrete. i kept trying to mop it and finaly gave up when i realized how stupid it was to keep doing the same thing over and over with no results.

so, then i went into the garage and got this engine degreaser and a bottle of clorox.. it was what was there so i figured "what the fuck, i'll use it"

i poured some of it on the stuff, but instead of making it come up it just made it change from a reddish orange, to a dark blue..

so, i went back into the garage to find something else, curious as to what colors i could make this shit turn into. as i turned around to walk back into the house, the garage door started to open and a white light filtered in through the opening. There were a bunch of shadows and five guys in white hazmat suits walked in and one pulled me aside and escorted me out to a big black bus and sat me on the back bumper. they put an oxygen mask on me and then gave me some kind of injection..

i went right out. it was bizarre. everything looked liek it was done in Bryce 3D adn then the world went black.

i woke up the next day in the Hospital.








if any of you were believing a word of this story as i was telling it, you really need to stop taking LSD and drinking bottle after bottle of NyQuill...


much love for your time, hope you enjoyed the ambiguity.