UK Hurricane!

[Fragmatic]

Reuters -
A major Hurricane (Shazza) hit Essex in the early
hours of Monday. Victims were seen wandering around
aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately GBP30 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and
Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt
out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro
arrived.

Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Millie-Storm slept through it
all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.


Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought
after, items most needed include:

-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks

-- Rockport boots
-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required

foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Cider or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
GBP2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
GBP5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected.

**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where are
you bleeding from?' they asked - "Romford" said the girl, "woss that got to
do wiv it?"