Frog's Artistic Interpretation of My Homework

[Triggar]

Here is my homework for Introduction to Space Flight. ObnoxiousFrog, the intellectual that he is, did it for me. It looks like a long read, but it isn't. Here is the result.


1. What is the primary reason humans explore space?
- We're running out of oil

2. What civilization named the 88 constellations that we use today?
- Whatever race K-PAX is from

3. What civilization named the 6 naked-eye planets as we know them today?
- Protoss

4. Why does the Earth's rotational axis change its orientation (precess)?
- Earth is actually just a pinball game. The directional change is just Cthulhu hitting Earth off the bumpers.

5. What is the period of the Earth's precession?
- 1 hour every sunday. 2 if its communion potluck lunch

6. Who was the first to develop the theory of the Sun-centered (heliocentric) universe?
- Marc Summers of Double Dare fame, following the Sun taking the physical challenge of "getting to the middle of the universe"

7. What was the center of the Aristotlean universe?
- The floating disembodied head of Andross

8. Why did the theory of Aristotle's physical world last for nearly 2,000 years?
- Because the Greeks and Romans were too busy fucking boys to worry about the world in which they fuck boys.

9. What are the three elements of the scientific method?
- Boron, Honda, Vespene

10. Which model/theory of the solar system was discarded due to the increased accuracy of planetary position measurements in the 16th Century?
- The styrofoam diorama

11. What is the name of the revolution responsible for the adoption of the heliocentric solar system?
- Counter-clockwise along the central shaft.

12. Describe the purpose of the first rockets?
- The first rockets were designed by the Russians because they really hated dogs and monkeys and thought it would be funny to launch them into space for no reason. Fucking dogs.

13. What major improvement did William Congreive make on the basic rocket?
- NAAAAWWWWWS

14. Who was Konstantine Tsiolkovsky?
- I don't know, but I'm betting good money he had a funny hat and loved borscht.

15. Who is considered the American "Father of Rocketry"?
- Commander Keen

16. Who is considered the German "Father of Rocketry"?
- Astro Hitler

17. Why did Robert Goddard avoid the media during the later development of his rockets?
- Tom Brokaw and him had a deal that if either of them talked about Fight Club, they would chop off his balls. Well, Goddard realized that Brad Pitt was just in his head so he squeeled.

18. Who was responsible for development of the V-2 rocket?
- Herbertenhiesen von Slachftengutshusteheistervich

19. Where did the German rocket scientists go after WW2?
- Way down to Kokomo. They got there SCHNELL and then they took it langsam.

20. When was NASA created?
- 3500 A.D., to combat the invading Mz'lk armies on the forefront of NeoYork in containment zone Alpha 5 on the Western District along the Atlantic Deserts.

21. What was the first nation to launch an artificial satellite?
- I'm not entirely sure if the Vatican counts as a country and if Jesus counts as an artificial sattelite.

22. When was the name of this satellite?
- "Certainly not Jesus! Fuck no! Hey, look at how old the Pope is, isn't that funny?"

23. What was its effect on the U.S.?
- Jerry Falwell

24. What U.S. launch vehicle was the first to attempt to orbit a satellite?
- that giant slingshot Wile E.Coyote tried to use to get that pesky Road Runner.

25. What was the payload on this first attempt?
- ACME brand dynamite

26. What launch vehicle successfully launched the first U.S. satellite into orbit?
- A Ford Pinto

27. Why was this rocket not selected for the first U.S. launch attempt?
- It tended to blow up on the reentry

28. What was the major discovery of the Explorer-1 satellite?
- There are four lights.

29. What are the names of the Mercury-7 astronauts?
- Fox Mcloud, Peppy Hare, Slippy, and Falco

30. What was the first country to launch biological life into orbit?
- US

What was the payload?
- Bigfoot

31. What was the first country to launch a man into orbit?
- Tatooine

When was this launch?
- A long time ago

Who was this person?
- Dash Rendar

32. What was the first country to launch a woman into orbit?
- Amazonia

When was this launch?
- Amazonia knows no time. Only bloodlust.

33. When was America's first woman launched into space?
- Sally Ride was the shit.

Who was this?
- Too bad she blew up and stuff.

34. Who was the first American launched into space?
- George Washington

When was this?
- Oh w8, he was just high on shrooms loller

35. Who was the first American to perform an EVA?
- An EVA? As on Peron? I didn't know Americans cared about Argentina crying.

36. During what program was this first U.S. EVA performed?
- Broadway, I'm assuming, but seriously, Eva Peron really doesn't have that much to do with space.

37. Name the first interplanetary probe to leave Earth's orbit.
- 1337ProbeH4xorfsckUCommys


To be continued when the Sensitive Artist completes it!