[Story] Moon Unit, Jose, and the Cosmonauts.

[Squeeky]

This is a true story, enjoy

[00:31] <Squeeky> So there I was right
[00:32] <Squeeky> In my space shuttle
[00:32] <Squeeky> The capsule was coming in, and we had to contact Moon Unit for docking procedures.
[00:32] <Squeeky> Well, they didnt know cause they are cosmonauts participating in a joint effort with the United States to colonize the moon, but my mom named me Moon Unit.
[00:32] <Squeeky> So I was like "Moon Unit to Moon Unit, do you copy?"
[00:32] <Squeeky> They are like "We are Moon Unit, who are you"
[00:33] <Squeeky> I was like "Fuck you, I'M moon unit"
[00:33] <Squeeky> So we argued for a bit
[00:33] <Squeeky> Then mission control came over the speaker
[00:33] <Squeeky> and was like "U R BOTH MOON YEWNIT!"
[00:33] <Squeeky> So we made a compromise
[00:33] <Squeeky> I docked, and I walked off the craft.
[00:33] <Squeeky> I looked around, the place smelled like shit.
[00:33] <Squeeky> Fucking commies and their chechen barbeques
[00:34] <Squeeky> Out of nowhere popped this dude with grey hair
[00:34] <Squeeky> His name was Jose
[00:34] <Squeeky> No, he was not mexican, he was russian
[00:34] <Squeeky> I giggled at him and he got mad
[00:34] <Squeeky> We we're off to a bad start, but more on that later
[00:34] <Electrofreak> Had fun at space camp did you?
[00:34] <Squeeky> Anyways, he led me down a long corridor
[00:34] <Squeeky> Into the cafeteria
[00:34] <ultraviolet> and one time, at space camp...
[00:34] <Squeeky> Sitting around a big oval table were a half dozen men (not counting Jose)
[00:35] <Squeeky> They were all cosmonauts on a 6 month stay on the moon
[00:35] <Squeeky> They had been docked at Moon Unit for 6 months
[00:35] <Squeeky> They were tired, hungry, and horny.
[00:35] <Squeeky> Well, to let off a little tension they had Circle Jerks on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday.
[00:35] <Squeeky> Jose usually lead it, using the stringed pea's space paste as lubricant
[00:36] <Squeeky> It didnt work well, it almost exfoliated their penis's, but they didnt mind, these dudes were fucking horny.
[00:36] <Squeeky> After that they usually watched an old episode of I love lucie
[00:36] <Squeeky> Whenever that puerto rican dude would come on
[00:36] <Squeeky> and be like "LUCIE YOU GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO"
[00:36] <Squeeky> they'd all be in stitches.
[00:36] <Squeeky> The russians loved puerto ricans.
[00:36] <Squeeky> Anyways
[00:36] <Squeeky> I was up there for around 3 months
[00:37] <Squeeky> Most of my time was spent in my rover
[00:37] <Squeeky> rover wasnt a dog
[00:37] <Squeeky> It was a zero-gravity buggy designed by NASA
[00:37] <Squeeky> We usually would take it to the huge moon craters and launch it, but the dudes at NASA got pissed so we couldnt do that anymore
[00:37] <Squeeky> After I was banned from launching the buggy
[00:37] <Squeeky> I decided to take some hikes into the craters on foot
[00:38] <Squeeky> Jose wanted to come along, so I said "Ok Jose" (lol) and we went on our way
[00:38] <Squeeky> This particular voyage was an exciting one
[00:38] <Squeeky> NASA wanted us to head into the crater MAGNUSMIXMIMAMXUMS and extract some ore
[00:38] <Squeeky> The ore was in the center near the lava pits (Yes, there are lava pits on the moon, NASA just doesnt want us to know)
[00:38] <Squeeky> So we hiked down into the moon crater and started extracting the ore
[00:39] <Squeeky> I bent over, and as I did so Jose spanked my ass
[00:39] <Squeeky> This was the first sign of homosexuality he's displayed
[00:39] <Squeeky> I whisked my blaster from my holster and put 2 energy charges into his dome
[00:39] <Squeeky> I fucking toasted that homo ******
[00:39] <Squeeky> Then I realized it wouldnt be hard to dispose the body of a homosexual russian named Jose
[00:39] <Squeeky> So I dumped him in the lava pits and hiked back to Moon Unit
[00:40] <Squeeky> When I got back, I tried to act all sad
[00:40] <Squeeky> I was like "Jose was trying to get a sample and decided to jump one of the crevaces"
[00:40] <Squeeky> "He didnt make it"
[00:40] <Squeeky> All 6 of them cringed and sobbed
[00:40] <Squeeky> I felt bad, but he touched my ass, dickhead deserved it right?
[00:41] <Squeeky> After a week, everyone got over the loss of Jose and we started our expeditions again
[00:41] <Squeeky> We would do two 3 man expeditions every other day
[00:41] <Squeeky> the day we werent on expeditions would be used for circle jerks
[00:41] <Squeeky> That excited the man
[00:41] <Squeeky> men*
[00:41] <Squeeky> Anyways
[00:41] <Squeeky> The expiditions usually consisted of extracting ore, taking moon sand samples, and then documenting everything on TANGO FUCKWIT NINER ALPHA
[00:42] * Reign has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
[00:42] <Squeeky> TFNA was the computer used to transmit shit to NASA
[00:42] <Squeeky> I usually had the commies use it, cause I sucked with the TFNA
[00:42] <Squeeky> It always crashed on me, piece of shit made in russia
[00:42] <Squeeky> in soviet russia, TFNA documents joo!
[00:42] <Squeeky> keekle
[00:42] <Squeeky> Anyways
[00:42] <Squeeky> TFNA went down one day
[00:43] <Squeeky> So we had to repair it
[00:43] <Squeeky> Orion, one of the other cosmonauts was in charge of repairs and electrical wiring
[00:43] <Squeeky> He got down on his knee's and went into the guts of the TFNA terminal
[00:43] <Squeeky> He said "Ahh, here we go"
[00:43] <Squeeky> then BAMPH
[00:43] <Squeeky> fucker got zapped
[00:44] <Squeeky> He cut the blue wire instead of the green one. Apparently they dont have a russian version of the popular hollywood blockbuster SPEED
[00:44] <Squeeky> More when my fingers heal from all this typing
[00:44] <Squeeky> Any questions so far guys?

I know it's kind of long, but it's a good story. I'll continue it in a bit, off of IRC in this thread if you guys want me to.

Any questions? I'll answer then until my current state of mind ceases to exist.