Confusion...

[oddfish]

Wow, I've been away a while only to return to some great news

PSU, here to stay rock on.

Well, here's where I've been:

Was in ohio for a long time. A very long time. I had a lot of shit all going on at once with myself and some very close friends of mine that really required my pressence...

I found out three weeks ago from my friend Jay that he was getting married. His girlfriend, Bliss (that's her name) of over a year just found out that she has ovarian cancer and that it's too far along to be operated on. It's entirely her doctor's fault for not knowing about it sooner since her grandmother DIED of ovarian cancer. That's neither here nor there. She's got cancer. And that's that.

So they're getting married. heh.. i'm actually really happy for them, though i can't bear to think about what this is going to do to Jay. He's going to have to watch her slowly wither away. He's going to stay by her side through this whole thing. Every step. And i know that it's going to fuck him up forever. The doctors are giving her 4 years. They're saying that in 18 months if it hasn't been beaten by treatments and chemo and all that then she's got a four year life expectancy.

So they're getting married... Jay made me his best man at the wedding. this is so fucking depressing because it makes me so damn happy for the two of them because i know they'll be happy, but at the same time i can see what's going to happen and... this just isn't fair.

on top of all that i was with Christina, Bliss's best friend, for quite a while over my break... she and i are going to end up together, hopefully. at any rate, we took a road trip to new york city over break because bliss really wanted to go. so we just went. it was great, but i could see how much it hurt jay every time she'd walk away or he and i would be talking and i'd catch him looking at her. he had that look on his face like he loved her so god damned much but knew that there was nothing he could do. then she'd look at him and he'd smile reassuringly at her and that'd be that.

we had the obligatory "i hate god" conversation. heh. even he laughed about that.

so, yeah.. i spent a lot of time with jay, who i've long since considered my brother seeing as neither of us ever had one. i spent a lot of time with all my ohio people. it was funny. we were watching the movie Garden State together one night and we all looked at each other and started laughing. anyone who has seen the movie will understand what i mean.

but, yeah. that was my break in Ohio. snow. cancer. alcohol. pool tables. bowling. plow trucks. printing presses. ex-girlfriends. road trips. sled-riding. christmas tree decorating. family. confusion. having to be everybody's rock.

i'm drained right now and i've been taking loads of pain medication because i shattered my hand over break. six broken bones. six. fourteen individual breaks. yeah. shattered.

but, that's another story for another time. possibly for IRC.

i'm glad to be back, though. i missed you guys very much and love you all.