Reason why Planetside will SUCK (and how I will fix the problems with my SUGGESTIONS)

[Sir Lucius]

There are many reasons why Planetside will be the worst game in the universe EVER in the enitre HISTORY of time, including all future games. It would be a HUGE task to list out all these flaws but I will do it anyways becuase I am so deicated to the well being of humanity.

First off I should introduce myself. I am an expert gamer, and I have been on a top ten team of the best ladder of every competetive game I have ever played. This includes counterstirke, quake 1 2 and 3, tribes and tribes 2, rtcw, sof2, starcraft, warcraft3, and I have been in the top rated guilds for ever quest and dark ages of camelot. Not only am I paied to review games for a living, I also develop them. So let's make it clear right now that I know more than you do about gamming and all things computers in general. In addition to that I also do all maintance on my car, all the electric and water works of my house, and I do my taxes myself. I know what the fuck is going on in the world while you're still trying to open up a fucking can of pudding.

Now that I have introduced myself I would like to go into the reasons why Planetside will suck, AND why it will fail. Let me make it clear right now that it WILL suck AND fail -- there is no alternative. I never eat my words so if you argue against these 2 major points the one eating their words will be YOU.

ISSUE NUMBER ONE: The WEAPONS!

The weapons of this game are the worst I have seen designed in fuctionality and aesthetics in the ENTIRE history of game mechanics AND vision.

The AMP:

What the fuck is this? It looks like a god damn garden hose attachment. This gun is designed for close range combat but no one is EVER going to use it b/c they know it will be weak as HELL. Perhapes its only advantadge would be to trick the enemies into thinking you were just the gardener watering the flowers and MABYE they won't kill you. Of course if you could do something as fun as watching vitural plants grow I don't know WHY the FUCK you would be playing Planetside. MOVING ON!


THE BOLT DRIVER:

Fucking worst idea EVER. "Let's have a snip0rz gun in our 400 ping game!" Assuming you ever hit someone with this they're not even going to know their dead till tomorrow. Why even bother? Please replace this gun with a Ham Sandwhich. DON'T ASK FUCKING QUESTIONS!


THE DECIMATOR:

So we're supposed to use this on vehciles? HA! Fat chance. The laws of nerfing apply. People will use this for quick kills on troop bodies and anything that one person does to a vehicle will be nerfed to pea shooter. Then you'll get people getting called rocket whores, and all the shit will get gayed up and look -- don't even bother with this gun, it's going to end up as worthless anyways (LIKE THIS ENTIER GAME).


THE FLECHETTE:

About all this has going for it is its name -- oh wait: IT HAS A FUCKING GAY ASS FRENCH PANSEY ASS HOMO NAME. This weapon has "I surrender" written all over. Please modify it SO YOU CAN FUCKING SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FACE -- ASS.


THE PUNISHER:

Uhhhh....this sounds, and looks like a fucking machine. All it needs is the "insert ass here" arrow. Didn't know this game's working title was Planet SEX WITH HOMOSEXUAL MEN's SIDES.


THE ROCKLET:

Ok, dead serious now -- who the fuck picked the name on this one? Any firepower this gun MAY have delivered is offset by it's gay ass Willy Wonka name. Jesus fuck, I really didn't think they could get this fucking stupid.


THE SUPRESSER:

How many guns that are all the same do you really fucking need? Jesus christ.


THE THUMPER

Omfg your kidding right? I'm sorry but there's no way it's coincidence now.

VANU WEAPONS:


What the gay shit ass shit are these? They look like they were fucking designed after a super soaker. And could you get any more dinky than the force blade? The thing barely even LOOKS like a weapon. It'd proabably go well with the AMP aka gardenhose. Gotta trim those hedges sometime!


TERRAN WEAPONS:


God damn, plz rename this race to: "Stolen weapons designes"
I see the Quake2 shotgun, the Q3F flame thrower, the UT pistol, and a pastery froster. Plz include an easy bake oven into the loadout, thx.


New Conglomerate....naw fuck it why bother. Blah blah blah, more gay weapons. Let's move on.



THE VEHICLES:

The vehicles in this game look stupid and are gay. I don't need to play it -- they are gay. You are also gay if you think otherwise. Good job being gay you ass thumpers.
Looks like you've got your jeeps and your tanks and your school busses -- and looks like most of your time will be spent trying to figure out how to get someone to ride one! Either they'll blow up too easiily, or they'll have no place to go. PLANETSIDE MAKES A GREAT DRIVING SIM! Shut the FUCK up! I'm sick of your shit. Either player unit combat will suck or vehilces will suck. Granted both can suck as well -- in fact this is expected; amazingly tho, one will suck even MORE than the other.



ARMORS:
All right! All the fun of Team Fortress without the actual fun! Do I want to be slow and suseptable? Or do I want to be weak and stupid? In the end it really doesn't matter what you pick b/c you're just gonna spend all your time hiking back to battle from the closest respawn before you even got to fire a shot. Why did you buy this game again? Oh that's right, b/c you're a dumbass.



RANKS:
Ah finally, a reason to play this game. Of course you know there will be absolutly no reason to play other than to get your rank up? Then you can boss around the newbs and bark out orders all you want! Not to mention higher ranks increase your penis size! It's kind of like getting cool loot without the satisfaction of actually having anything. SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST!



IMPLANTS:
Worthless unless you're a hot chick.



THE GRIEF SYSTEM:
Grow up and take it you fucking whining pussies!



GAMEPLAY AND THE WORLD:
This is a critical topic for everyone involved. I'll let you all in on a little secret tho -- the world suck, and gameplay sucks. The enviorments are bland looking washed out foggy pieces of shit. Trees have some fucked up gay ass looking giant square leaves that look like fucking cell phone towers at best. It's uninspired, ugly, and best of all you'll get to see it at 10 fps with a 700 ping.

Why would you want to bother capturing more terrortory in this game? So you can say: "My faction owns the ugly gray place AND the ugly brown place!"? I suppose you think it will be fun killing all those people! It won't be. You won't be able to hit them. If you could they would just hit you first and you'll end up dead anyways.

Save yourself now and just forget you ever head about this game. It's not worth your money. If you buy into this crap they'll just keep dishing out more. I'm trying to help your dumbass here so please try to take this seriously.

That's all I really have to say on the issue. I know SOME people will try to flame me. I'll preaddress that now: You're wrong, I'm right, live with it. You're also not as smart as me so don't bother trying to prove you are. I'm right b/c I'm the best -- you're wrong b/c you suck at everything ever. End of discussion.