Rebirth Part 2: Valhalla

[Calder]

[Preface: the following is part 2 of a 3-part series briefly examining how soldiers on each side might react to the Rebirthing process within the first year and a half of the war. I have tried to keep official lore and each faction's general philosophy in mind when writing these. Please enjoy.

For reference, the war starts with the assault on Kane Prison, Searhus, on June 21, 2845 according to official lore.]

Rebirth Part 2: Valhalla

AuraxiLog™ Entry 24

Trooper Gabriella Lundqvist, Armored Division, Hammerdown LLC

January 15th, 2846

It’s about time I wrote something other than requisition lists into this damn thing.

When Mom and Dad died fighting at the First Battle of Kane Prison, I was 15. I signed up with Hammerdown 2 days later. Wouldn’t have been able to do it if we were all still following TR rules, but then I probably wouldn’t have had to either. Fuckin’ amazing how that worked out.

Anyway, that was 7 months ago. I was scared for the first few weeks, but then I remember feeling excited. We weren’t just sitting around tables and grumbling about the so-called "Republic" anymore. We were finally fighting to live our lives the way we wanted and get revenge on those red bastards. Then everyone cracked the Rebirthing Matrix a couple months in, and I’ve been feeling less and less of anything ever since.

At first I felt like some kind of goddess, wading into the fight like nothing could ever stop me. Then it caught up with me: the endless pain, and the realization that everyone else was doing the same damn thing.

Some of the operators still keep tally sheets in their lockers, counting how many jackboots or zealots they’ve fragged today. Others keep tallies of how many times (or how few) they’ve had to come out of the tubes. It’s all bullshit. For every kill they mark off, someone on one of the other sides is marking a tube and then marching right back onto the battlefield. Totally pointless.

For a while my unit was linked up with some Jumpers, and there was this one hotshot who liked to talk about how this war wouldn’t determine who was right but who was left or something like that. I told him he could shove it and never spoke with him again. EVERYONE’S left, moron! I got tubed three times between breakfast and lunch, no thanks to YOUR jet-scorched ass!

AuraxiLog™ Entry 26

May 20th, 2846

I haven’t picked up a textbook since the war started, but last Wednesday I finally saved up enough to get through the paywall for the Onatha Historical Archive.

Thousands of years ago there was this tribe of people on Old Earth called the Danes. Their names sound a lot like mine (except it’s all men in the records for some reason), so maybe they’re my ancestors or something. Anyway, they used to have this crazy religion where they thought that if they died honorably in battle they went to this afterlife where they fought all day and drank all night and never died again. When I read that I laughed until I fucking cried. I kept crying for a pretty long time.

I read a little more, and it turns out that those warriors are just passing time until this big fight at the end of the world that they’re supposed to lose anyway. I wish those Vanu nutjobs had a time machine so I could nab it, go back, grab one of those Dane fuckers and bring him out here and show him how awful his fucking heaven is.

I can’t handle this nightmare anymore. Once my contract’s done, I’m done. Maybe Anna can get me a job at her courier business.

AuraxiLog™ Entry 30

October 7th, 2846

Given how the war’s going, you’d think the suits would’ve been more disappointed when I told them I wasn’t renewing my contract. As I walked back into the Hammerdown recruitment office this morning, I realized why they weren’t.

Civilian life was fine, I guess. Living and working with family again felt weirder than a battlefield at first, but I guess I was doing alright. Sometimes Anna would suggest that I start going to school again, but I’d just stare at her until she went away.

Go to school? Sit with a bunch of kids who haven’t shot pilots out of the air with a tank shell, who haven’t crushed a fucking zealot’s head under the treads or tried frantically to keep a MAX pilot from burning alive in his suit? Who don’t know what it’s like to have your chest torn open by a cloaker’s chainblade, only to be walking around fifteen seconds later like it was nothing? I bet they’d even try to teach me about the fucking Danes at some point.

Then there was that rainy day last week. I was driving home from work when this truck comes skidding into the wrong lane. A normal person would have at least swerved to try and dodge it, but I guess I was too used to driving Vanguards that would’ve punted that truck all the way to Esamir. In that moment before we collided, I remember thinking how... I dunno... how relieved I was that it was finally going to be over, and I remember feeling surprised that I would think that way.

Then I remember waking up in a tube.

The MPs tell me I was screaming a lot and that they had to leave me in a cell so I would calm down before they escorted me away from the warpgate. Turns out the techs have no idea how to remove someone from the Rebirth database. They figured not enough people would quit in the middle of a war for our independence and then get themselves killed afterwards to make any headlines. I can’t go back home like this... I can’t stand thinking about how Anna would look at me, the immortal freak who can’t fit in with the living. My new contract starts tomorrow.

You can live free in the NC, alright. You just aren’t free to die.

Ragnarok can’t come soon enough.