Sleep

[Kaale]

Sleep

I don’t like to sleep anymore, the dreams that come at night are more horrific than anything we see in the war. For some they dream of nothing but I am now plagued by the sight of my comrades faces, their expressions at the moment when they are killed, when their bodies are damaged to such an extent that they can no longer function, no longer Kill.

In battle these moments are brief and the chaos will keep you busy, you can’t stop, you can’t reflect, you just do your duty, you help by locating and killing your enemies eliminating the threat. You help by resurrecting your fallen, by healing those who are yet to fall. You repair what is destroyed and what is damaged. You don’t think, training and time has taught you, instinct is what keeps you going.

But if you sleep that is when you see it all, every bullet fired and every bullet received. You feel the pain more then than you ever do during battle. On the battlefield an enemy that dies to your rocket is one less thing for you to worry about, at night it’s one more face contorted in agony. It’s strange that no one remembers feeling anything when we fight, but it comes back to you like a replay when you stop.

I have decided never to sleep again, for me I will fight until this war is over, my rest will be that temporary place between death and rebirth. When you’re in this stasis you feel nothing, you are nothing, just Nanites. A blueprint in the system waiting to be created into ‘you’ am I still the same person I was a year ago? Who knows, maybe the Vanu but they aren’t telling anyone how this works. What I know is my body does not need sleep if I am not alive, the war rages so constantly that the place between death and rebirth is easily obtained.

I am not he only one some of us that fight until we can stay awake no longer and then find a battle that is too much for us, sometimes the enemy is not obliging. There are many ways to escape this madness but they all lead back to the same place, we are reborn at the Warpgate and join our comrades for another battle. It will never end, I just know this is my future.