My Review

[Jaged]

I recently got a school assignment to give a speech to try to sell something. Naturaly, I chose PS. If anyone is willing to take the time, I would love it if you could read it and tell me what you think. Did I leave anything out? Is some of the info incorrect? Do you have any suggestions on the writing itself? Please remember that my audience has probably never heard of PS before. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks anot!


Just imagine being thrust a into futuristic world in the midst of a gigantic civil war, a world where three empires are struggling for political dominance over each other. This is the experience you get in the computer game called PlanetSide.
PlanetSide is an MMOFPS or massively multiplayer online first person shooter. The first of its kind. This means that it is a first person shooter that takes place in a huge persistent world were there are no loading screens, and no games to join from a list. A ferst person shooter is a game where you run around in a first person perspective with a gun shooting anything you see. When you log in you join a gigantic battle raging across 10 continents going on 24/7. No other games like this have ever been created. Like I said, it will be the first of its kind.
PlanetSide puts you in control of a soldier in one of three empires, the Terran Republic, the Vanu Sovereignty, or the New Conglomerate. Each empire has its own beliefs, fighting styles, and equipment.
PlanetSide boasts a wide array of exciting features. For quick transportation and exciting combat, you can hop in any number of vehicles, including aircraft, tanks, buggies and transports. This game is player skill driven rather than character skill driven. This means that Someone who is just starting out is on an equal playing field with a veteran. You do however get access to more weapons vehicles and abilities with combat experience. How well you do with this equipment is based on your skills as a person. In PlanetSide, you don't have to worry about your own team members killing you. An excellent system is in place to prevent just this with a variety of penalties including banning.
Some may ask, why would I pay a monthly fee to play this game when I can play other similar games without the monthly fee. The truth is, those games don?t even come close the scale of PlanetSide. All those other games aren't ?persistent world?. A ?persistent world? game is a game that takes place in a world that is the same from day to day. The server never resets, and you never have to choose a game from a list. The battle is raging 24/7.
This game is not yet available in stores. It is scheduled for release at the end of March. I am very excited about this game and you should be to. PlanetSide promises to bring a new and exciting experience to the world of PC gaming. For more information on Planetside, visit www.planetside.com.

OK, I edited it and took out the paragraph on story and explained newbei and firts person shooter

[afex]

chances are high that your teacher and many of the students in your class (middle school? high school freshman?) will have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

all the game specific terms, online slang, etc that you are familiar with will be meaningless to the person thats grading it.

that = points off.

target audience is a very important factor in writing.

if i were you i'd change the subject to secure your chances for a good grade.

[Jaged]

Thanks for your ideas, but I thought I pretty much explained all the internet terms. If you diddn't read the paper, than I don't think this applies. But if you did read the paper and found some things that someone might not understand, than please point them out. I realy wanna do this as my topic, so i am trying to make it as non computer user friendly as possible.

[TGF NightHawk]

Auraxis...the planet bro!!

[Ludio]

I took a speech class last year and I did some speeches on gaming topics. It was a bit akward subject wise, but as long as you have a good persuasive speech it doesn't matter too much.

You should make it more newbie friendly though, because your target audience is clueless. Another thing to point out is that you can take out that paragraph on the story. If it were an informative speech it would be important, but as a persuasive you don't need it and it detracts from the sales pitch.

Try and show how this game is for everyone, the guys in the class will probably like it, but the girls are always tough/immpossible (at least for FPS).

[Revolution]

I give it a good rating. IMO.

Maybe you would want to write up a terms dictionary, to explain to the lower bitter or non gamers what some things mean.

But I looked at it like I was Joe Gamer and knew the world of MMOG's. So in that sense it is good to me. But, I understand Afex's points.

Now here is mine:
How many people bought a new car not knowing jack. Actually talking to telemarketers, etc.......... Take that into consideration. First new car I bought was a '96 Saturn SL2 fully loaded. What a rip in APR for me. Still, it was a great car and I recommend Saturn as a whole in quality and technology.

IMO even through college I did not really care what people thought I would make my projects how I wanted them and the best that I could do even if the teacher or students did not like them or even understand them(Yes my major was english )(cough *BS* cough) I still got a good grade. But maybe it was just me.

So I say you just put your best effort into it and make it the best when you read it. And screw the rest of them if they dont agree, there are always going to be people who dont, ALWAYS. Sort of like, people Flaming? Same difference. If you are happy with it, then keep it. If you are not happy with it, then change it. Unless its a project that means you pass or fail a class, and you have to BS, I'd say roll with it and make it great for you. Sell Yourself, in other words, on PS.

Thats my opinion.

[Ludio]

Revolution is right, the reason why I like to write about game related things is because it is so much fun for me. One time I had to do a short story and did a narration of capping the flag in TFC, the teacher didn't understand it at all and gave me a mediocre grade, but it was the best project I did that whole year.

[Sputty]

If you're going to use tht speech I hope you know what your status in youe school is. BTW, don't let any hgih school or younger students know anything about you or they will surely use that against you some day.

[Bighoss]

the best thing to do for projects like this is to make up a dream product. That's what I do for all these essays they give me that are like who is your hero and why? I just go on and on about this amazing person that could never exist. When your doing a project don't let personal interests intervein unless its sports.

[Revolution]

Sorry Hoss, but..........

[afex]

you'll get a higher score writing about something else

[Lexington_Steele]

Originally posted by afex
you'll get a higher score writing about something else

yes

[Tobias]

For the product you are trying to sell, try and sell a vibrating Dildo, and offer to show how it works with the assistance of one of the hotter girls in the class. That would be funny, but might cut short your stay at that school.

[Lexington_Steele]

Originally posted by Tobias
For the product you are trying to sell, try and sell a vibrating Dildo, and offer to show how it works with the assistance of one of the hotter girls in the class. That would be funny, but might cut short your stay at that school.

How about the Hello Kitty vibrator.

[Tobias]

Originally posted by Lexington_Steele
How about the Hello Kitty vibrator.

That such a thing even egisists disterbs me.