I'm Bored, again, He's a few jokes

[ZeusCali]

whoa 45 sec per post okay guess i have to hit edit GRRR

Okay I Feel Ignored!!!! was what i wanted to say thats all good bye

[Happy lil Elf]

I'm confused. Where those supposed to be jokes, Zeus?

[Hamma]

I think they are supposed to be spam.

[Happy lil Elf]

Never cared much for Spam. It tastes funny

[Flammey]

When I go back to work Wednesday, I'll find a few more jokes for you people. I'm sure of it.

[ZeusCali]

seeing as i cannot edit again to my post above i will say it here:
That was not spam it was just stating that every one ignored my post on here before had in which i had writen about freedom and such

[Happy lil Elf]

Umm Zeus? NC's motto is freedom through force. There are no negotiations. Not only that but why are you comparing political views of various countries to the NC in a thread that is essentially for people to post jokes on?

[ZeusCali]

because you guys started getting into Political attacks on france

[GonePostal]

but france, sucks

[arctik]

Originally Posted by GonePostal

but france, sucks

[Flammey]

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money
and I'm not leaving until I do."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease.. and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

[Flammey]

Two women friends, incredibly drunk were walking home and had to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they take a detour
and do their business behind a headstone or something. One of the girls had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then chuck them away. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves so she proceeded to use that. They both stumbled off home.
The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "We'd better keep an eye on our wives you know, mine came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing" said the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck between her ass cheeks that said 'from all the boys at the firestation. We'll never forget you'."

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Never hold your farts in...........they travel up your spine............into your brain........... and that's where you get shitty ideas from!

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

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A woman went into a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said; "Look, I've got to tell you first, that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this for a moment, but decided she wanted the parrot, anyway. She took it home, hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said: "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought: that's not so bad.
When her two teenage daughters came in from school, the bird saw them and said; "New house, new madam,new girls."
The girls and their Mother were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said; "Hi, Keith."

[Flammey]

A little girl asked her mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the
block?"
Mum replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to
come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with
it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go
one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so
another dog is pushing her home."

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AS I'VE MATURED...

...I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.
...I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
...I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
jackasses.
...I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
...I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
...I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others. They are more
screwed up than you think.
...I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
...I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.
...I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your
house, one of your kids did it.
...I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you
too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real
pains in the ass are permanent.

[Flammey]

Can't find anymore than those few. I'll have to keep searching.

[Mango]

dead baby jokes never get old!