Nebraskans obviously can't handle REAL Ultimate Power

UncleDynamite · 2004-07-15, 10:00 PM

http://www.bol.ucla.edu/~loco/msnbcninjanews8.htm

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Odessa, Nebraska Bans Book on Ninja
Can one small town stop the ninja?

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Odessa, Nebraska
June 25, 2004 � Famed for recent charges against his web site, www.realultimatepower.net, Robert Hamburger is yet again in trouble with the American public. A small town in Northern Nebraska has taken action to ban REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book, because of its potenial harm to youths.

The incident occurred at Carol Miller's Nebraska home on Friday. According to Ms. Miller, her two sons, Mathew, 13, and Zachariah, 15, had obtained a copy from the bookstore and were "diddling around with it in the living room." As they were doing so, Miller states that the boys became "rambunctious and uncontrollable" and excited their family dog to jump up and bite their baby brother's lip.

"I've never seen the dog act that way before," said Ms. Miller's sister, Bernice.

"Me neither," added a neighbor.

Since the incident, Ms. Miller, her sister, and their neighbor have worked tirelessly to keep the book out of their town. "As soon as Mayor Brian got the keys to the city council chambers, we were in there," said Bernice.

To Ms. Miller's delight, after a short deliberation with the council members, Mayor Brian [Brian Reming] agreed to ban the book from the two bookstores contained within the city limits. "We live in a respectable town. We don't need kids bringing garbage into the school. If I had more energy, I'd burn that young man's face," said Reming.

Ms. Miller plans on extending the ban to include all cities in the state and eventually the nation. To Reuters, she stated, "He didn't ask for this.... [he's] just a defenseless little baby. Baby Ryan hates that book, and so do I. Baby Ryan and I will work together to stop the book from hurting even more people. I will be in charge of communications, and Baby Ryan will be in charge of promotion. Three stitches on baby Ryan's lip! Robert Hamburger is a nothing, and Baby Ryan is one brave baby."

Several members of surrounding communities have joined the Odessa chorus.

"The family, the home, and the work place are sacred places. REAL Ultimate Power respects none of these things."
David Herman--Treebolt, Nebraska

"How are we supposed to produce respectful employees when the book is clearly encouraging people to go nuts? Just yesterday, I saw a large group of kids chasing two adults, and it was no game they were playing."
Aaron Stockton--Mayton, Nebraska

When asked about the recent ban, Hamburger stated, "I will find that dog and take him to a place where he can be whatever he wants to be, way far away from Baby Ryan. I don't know if you're gonna see this, dog, but I'm coming for you."

Odessa is famous for its reputation as the second largest gravel capital ofthe world.

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This article is a parody. Please don't hate Nebraskans, even though I wouldn't be surpised if they actually did this.

SDM · 2004-07-15, 10:02 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Fragmatic · 2004-07-15, 10:02 PM

WTF?

So they think the book made their dog go schitzo? Wierdos.

It's just a book, things like that take political correctness to far... and wait... they were "diddling" with it?

O MAI!

Hydralisk · 2004-07-15, 10:06 PM

LOLLLOL!!

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Article

Odessa is famous for its reputation as the second largest gravel capital of the world.

Who fucking cares?

MattxMosh · 2004-07-15, 10:07 PM

I really need to start a revolution to put a stop to these types of people.

Firefly · 2004-07-15, 10:12 PM

I thought it was real until I read this.

When asked about the recent ban, Hamburger stated, "I will find that dog and take him to a place where he can be whatever he wants to be, way far away from Baby Ryan. I don't know if you're gonna see this, dog, but I'm coming for you."