Rebirth Part 1: Headaches

[Calder]

[Preface: the following is part 1 of a 3-part series briefly examining how soldiers on each side might react to the Rebirthing process within the first year and a half of the war. I have tried to keep official lore and each faction's general philosophy in mind when writing these. Please enjoy.

For reference, the war starts with the assault on Kane Prison, Searhus, on June 21, 2845 according to official lore.]

Rebirth Part 1: Headaches

Personal Journal of Specialist Junichiro Tanaka, 122nd Mechanized Infantry, Terran Republic Army

27OCT46
2215 ZULU TIME

“Loyalty until death.” We hear it every day. We cheer it every day. Every day brings us a new victory... and a new death. It’s been months since I lost count of how many times I’ve climbed out of those chambers. I’d like to say that it’s almost as common as using the latrine now, but sometimes on really rough days it’s more like the other way around.

They told us in back in Basic that we would never be far from the fight, but they never told us how much it would hurt, both to leave and to come back. The new body forgets having a leg ripped off at the hip by a shell, having flesh melt and the bones beneath char under VS plasma, having your spine broken by one swing of a MAX’s arm. The mind doesn’t forget, though. Not at first.

Except...

Five days ago I had that splitting headache and I didn’t know why. I told Sgt. Gilder about it. He looked at me kind of strangely and said, “Well, Tanaka, I’m not surprised. You did take that Gauss round to the ol’ brainpan this morning. All over my goggs, too! Thought I’d gone blind ‘til the nanites did their thing and cleaned you off.” Then he barked out that sharp laugh of his and clapped me on the shoulder like it was the funniest thing in the world.

Command tells us that the Rebirthing Matrix is a flawless piece of Terran ingenuity, that it puts us back together perfectly every time, so there must just be something wrong with me. Lack of sleep, or something. Still... they never told us how much it would hurt.

30NOV46
0600 ZULU TIME

I can’t stop thinking about what happened last month. My training and my fellow soldiers keep me on my feet and in the fight, but I only have my own thoughts to help me deal with that day with the headache.

Gilder laughed it off, but I can’t risk telling anyone else in case someone catches on about the memory loss. I can’t risk getting branded as defective. We’re still so far away from making the Republic whole again... there’s still so much to do, and I can’t do any of it rotting in a camp. If the nanites would even let me rot, that is.

We’re assaulting Nott today. Sounds like there’s a large contingent of insurgent armor in the area. Hopefully they’ll put up enough of a fight to help take my mind off things.

30NOV46
1900 ZULU TIME

I can’t stop thinking about what happened last month. My training and my fellow soldiers keep me on my feet and in the fight, but I only have my own thoughts to help me deal with that day with th
-ENTRY MARKED FOR DELETION -

01DEC46
1830 ZULU TIME

Celery in the vegetable ration tonight. Loved it. Never liked celery before, don’t know why.
-ENTRY MARKED FOR DELETION -

09DEC46
2115 ZULU TIME

What is it exactly that comes out of that chamber? Is this some other world where I never died in the first place? Have I become a Terran Republic unto myself, a legion of Junichiro Tanakas all marching lockstep into the jaws of death for the greater glory of Me?

At my grandfather’s funeral back in ‘40, the dignitaries said that one of our finest architects had passed, that the Republic, though resilient, was weaker for his loss. No one will ever say that about anyone in this war. They’ll never know what the Republic loses, what we in the trenches lose, every time we lay down our lives and pick up new ones like you pick up a fresh magazine.

That's alright with me, though. We'll know. It's crystal clear to me that we'll still be around to know, and to tell, long after we've won the final battle. My grandfather believed in the Republic. I believe in the Republic. I haven't lost that. Not yet. Not ever.

Every time I fall, something will come back to carry on. And that something, regardless of how much of it is me, will still be 100% Terran Republic. Loyalty... beyond death.

[Sonny]

Nice! It really felt realistic the way that his thoughts develop over time. Also I love the stories about how respawning changes people over time. I look forward to parts 2 and 3!

Sonny