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Old 2004-10-31, 12:12 AM   [Ignore Me] #1
Octavian
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The Great EVE Online Scam


I found this story whilst I was browsing non EO-related forums. It's a great read if you understand the game.



"WHAT THE ****?" I slammed my finger into the MWD hotkey again; this must be some sort of joke, some temporary bug in the game.

"Your ship does not have a sufficient amount of energy to use that."

The bullets from his machinegun pinged off my shields, doing considerably damage, and I knew it was only a matter of time. I watched in terror and heartache as my ship slowly cruised towards the warp gate; each bullet into its side was like a cut into my heart. I was carrying 30 million credits worth of goods, and I was NOT going to let those goods be destroyed. My only hope was to try and enter hyperspace, try and get away, try ANYTHING to recover my money. But alas, a moment before my finger stroked the hyper-drive hotkey, his ECM ray drained my ship of its energy. I messaged Lando, desperate for survival.

"I'll give you 5 million credits if you let me go. PLEASE MAN."

He responded with a dual-volley of Phalanx Rockets. My formidably armored industrial ship was now on fire, each lick graphical lick of flame consuming the last vestiges of my morning optimism. I was dead now, and I knew it. I force-ejected from my ship, hoping that he wouldn't destroy it if it was unoccupied. My pod hovered in space, like a small child seperated from its parent. I jammed my finger into the hyperspace key, and moments later, I blasted off into the stars. By the time I was tens of kilometers away, I saw a small speck of light in the galactic horizon. The ****er had destroyed my ship.


http://static.circa1984.com/the-big-scam.html
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:14 AM   [Ignore Me] #2
AztecWarrior
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In case you haven't deduced by now, mining in Eve Online is about as fun as fucking a fat chick's festering corpse
This man deserves a Pulitzer.
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:24 AM   [Ignore Me] #3
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EVE can be a very fun game if you play it with a dedicated group of friends. If you're going to try playing it by yourself however, you will be bored.
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:40 AM   [Ignore Me] #4
Octavian
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Anyone actually tried reading the whole story? It starts to get interesting after the intro.
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:43 AM   [Ignore Me] #5
AztecWarrior
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Originally Posted by Octavian
Anyone actually tried reading the whole story? It starts to get interesting after the intro.
I just finished it.

O

M

F

G

THIS MAN IS AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.

Last edited by AztecWarrior; 2004-10-31 at 12:45 AM.
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:46 AM   [Ignore Me] #6
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holy fuck
hahah, that could be made into a movie
Just remove the geekiness of it being an mmo.
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:47 AM   [Ignore Me] #7
AztecWarrior
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Originally Posted by Sputty
holy fuck
hahah, that could be made into a movie
Just remove the geekiness of it being an mmo.
Agreed, completely. This would be fucking amazing. Hell, keep the futuristic setting.
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.
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Old 2004-10-31, 12:53 AM   [Ignore Me] #8
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holy shit, thats crazy
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:38 AM   [Ignore Me] #9
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And all of a sudden, just like the Persians at Thermopylae, they came. They came harder than Peter North on a stacked blonde. We built it, my friends, and they came
ROFL

That is the best story I have read in months. I'm actually going to print this out and hand it to friends, wow.
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:53 AM   [Ignore Me] #10
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Makes me want to play EVE more often
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:01 AM   [Ignore Me] #11
Octavian
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I was actually thinking of reactivating my account, but I wasn't sure if there was a dedicated PSU group. Plus there's H2 and HL2 coming out soon and all.
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:24 AM   [Ignore Me] #12
Lonehunter
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Holy fucking shit. That person is my new role model. I have a craving to play Eve now. That reminds me of my old computer instructor. He said he "knew a guy" that had broke into extremely protected peices of information, but did nothing. He only did it to see if he could. But DAMN that was one hell of a story.


Edit: That instructor was arrested, FBI never told us why.
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Originally Posted by Higby View Post
And if you back in 2003 decided you wanted to play RTS games, between then and now you'd have dozens of RTS games you could have played. If you decided to play MMOFPS' between then and now, there were none

Last edited by Lonehunter; 2004-10-31 at 01:25 AM.
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:31 AM   [Ignore Me] #13
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Is this what Eve is really like? Sounded ALOT more complicated then any other MMO, Talking about investments and CEO's , big time corporations, people actually have rep?! This actually made me want to play EVE. As for the guy who got those 300 million, What a lucky noob
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:42 AM   [Ignore Me] #14
Electrofreak
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EVE is insanely complex. Its a real turn-off to most people who just want to casually play the game. I haven't been playing it much because, well, its not much fun when you don't have some people to play alongside. However, theres a 14 day trial on the game you can always give it a shot. Join the PSU channel ingame and a few of us might even be on. A free expansion (yeah free) is coming out in a few weeks for the game too, should add a shitload of new stuff, and will probably draw myself and a few other players back to the game.
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Last edited by Electrofreak; 2004-10-31 at 01:46 AM.
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Old 2004-10-31, 01:54 AM   [Ignore Me] #15
ZionsFire
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Talk about...I mean...Holy shit.


/me quickly goes to download 14 day trial

Last edited by ZionsFire; 2004-10-31 at 01:55 AM.
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