Joke Time

Toimu · 2002-12-29, 05:52 PM

A small TR Outfit calls up the leaders at Vanu.

TR Outfit Leader,"Hey, we don't like your ideas, and are going to war with you."

VS Leader,"Well, we have 200,000 troops; thousands of tanks, attack planes, guns, etc..."

TR Outfit Leader, "Let me call you back tomorrow.

The next day.

TR Outfit Leader, "We have 1 Galaxy, 1 Maduader, 10 troops armed with Mini-Chainguns."

VS Leader, "Well, now I have 2 million troops, missiles, MAXs, etc...

TR Outfit Leader,"Let me call you back tomorrow.

The next day.

TR Outfit Leader, "We are calling the war off."

VS Leader, "Really, why the change of mind?"

TR Leader, "We came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell we can feed 2 million prisoners!"

FireFrenzy · 2002-12-29, 06:09 PM

Two guys were in a pub, sitting at the bar drinking. One of the guys just blurts out to the other guy "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOMMA!". Everyone in the pub waits in silence to see what happens next. He yells it out again, "I SAID I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOMMA!". The guy sitting next to him remarks "Go home dad, your drunk".

I can tell my own, right?

Navaron · 2002-12-29, 07:10 PM

Ok,
So these two guys are sitting at a bar on top of the empire state building, the first guy looks over at the second and says, "Man I learned the neatest thing yesterday. You can jump off the roof here, and the updrafts are so strong, by the time you hit the 10th floor they will stop your decent and fly you around the building and in a window on the tenth floor. "

"Bullshit" says the second guy.

"No man it's true" says the first. "Look, I'll show you".

The Bartender looks up and shakes his head.

The first guy then proceeds to leap the banister, and plumment down and down until .......

13th floor

12th floor

11th floor

woah!!! 10th floor -and then the updraft stops him, and he floats around the building and in a window on the tenth floor. He jumps in the elevator and comes back up.

"Holy shit!" says the second guy - "I just saw that with my own eyes and I don't believe it! It has to be a fluke, I mean a once in a lifetime thing".

"Nope" says the first as he runs and leaps off the roof yet again....

The bartender shakes his head.......

13th floor

12th floor

11th floor

woah!!! 10th floor -and then the updraft stops him, and he floats around the building and in a window on the tenth floor. He jumps in the elevator and comes back up.

"HOT DAMN" says the second guy, "I just saw that with my own eyes, and it was wild." "You think that would work for me???? I mean I could make a shit ton of money off of this thing betting people I could do it"

"I don't see why not" says the first guy.

The bartender shakes his head.

So the second guy jumps off the roof and........

13th floor

12th floor

11th floor

10th floor

9th floor

OOOO SHIIIIT SPLAAAAAT All over the pavement, that guy just flattens out.

The bartender looks up at the first guy and says, "YOU SURE ARE AN ASSHOLE WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK SUPERMAN"

Toimu · 2002-12-29, 07:11 PM

I hope everyone post some up.

diluted · 2002-12-30, 12:19 AM

lol navaron

two guys are in the woods hunting. out of nowhewre one of them sort of passes out and falls flat on his face and doesnt move. the other one grabs the cell phone and calls 911. the operator says "well.. you have to make sure he's even dead first". the guy says "ok" and puts the phone down. the operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone and says, "ok.. now what?"

corny but on the news it said 'funniest joke in the world' according to some research by psychologists.

FireFrenzy · 2002-12-30, 12:42 AM

I heard that too, worst joke ever. You don't need much smarts or a sense of humor to create something like that.

powdahound · 2002-12-30, 01:11 AM

Two guys walk out of a bar and see a dog licking his own nuts. One guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!". The other guy replies, "Don't you think he'd bite you?"

idk I always think that's a funny joke

Stalefish · 2002-12-30, 01:25 AM

How about a microsoft joke?

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"

SandTrout · 2002-12-30, 01:49 AM

lol, I love michrosoft jokes!

How about some Aggie jokes?

There's 2 Longhorns and an Aggie traped on a desserted island. One day they find a lamp, and all 3 start rubing on it. A genni(sp?) comes out and ofers them each 1 wish.

The first Longhorn wishes to be with his famly and loved ones.

The second Longhorn wishes his was with his friends at his dorm.

The Aggie then wishes his 2 friends were back here with him.

Hamma · 2002-12-30, 08:02 AM

Originally posted by Stalefish
How about a microsoft joke?

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"

�io · 2002-12-30, 12:22 PM

Ok another Microsoft joke then.

Ok so this MS representative walks into E3 and begins the big show, after a long introduction he unveils something called an Xbox and says "Ladies and gentlemen this is our new console"

What? I think it's funny.