A History of the Universe-Planetside Style

d3ath4u · 2004-02-16, 02:11 PM

I present to you, out of complete boredom and lack of sleep:

A History of the World- Planetside Style:

In the beginning, there was God�and csrDANB. Everywhere God looked, it was dark-like some sort of memory leak. So he did an /appeal for a light. Danb was like, "uh ok, im gonna let you go with a warning, but here is your light". And God was like, "w00t!".

He went to work on Earth, and placed humans and animals of all different shapes and forms on it. The people were indeed the very definition of newbies. And they were all lfr (looking for religion), so God sent them all an invite. Most accepted, some declined, while others were afk.

There were two users, who registered for Earth on the day of release-Adam and 3ve. They soon became buddies. 3ve however, was constantly doing bad things. Soon everyone was doing bad things. God became frustrated, and was like, "wtf ghey!" So he reset the servers and all accounts were lost.

God then decided to give this whole "admin" thing one more go. The second world seemed to be going ok for the most part. But God decided to mix things up a bit. He sent his son, GODJESUS, to Earth, and sat back to watch the fireworks, oh and of course, *grabbed popcorn*. And GODJESUS went to work on making the world a better place. The problem was, nobody would believe him when he told them he was Gods son. So he had no choice but to make alt people and use those alts to say how great of a person GODJESUS was. Some n00bs were getting really pissed when he started walking on water. One user was like, "wtf hax0red". And /appealed him. Another person saw him healing the sick and handicapped, and was like, "wtf nerf GODJESUS!", and once again, /appealed.

Soon the appeals began to mount. csrDANB had no choice but to remove him from the world. Soon, GODJESUS�s removal became famous. And so did the story. Some people were like, "omg im gonna write a book!". Others, choose to name there kids after GODJESUS. Such as, GODJESUS-PWNS-J00.

It turns out; the user who made the event into a book hit a jackpot. His book was read by billions. He died shortly after release, and nobody knows who he was. His book was read by Kings and Queens of countries in Europe. Who forced their squad members to read the book, and worship God. This made God happy. He sent them signs in their soup, and in the fields. Signs like, " :) and ;) and >:*)", but nobody realized they were signs.

A few years later, a man by the name of GAlil30 came along. Galil30 had some ideas he wanted to spread. He believed that the sun was the center of the Universe, and that Earth evolved around it. Some people believed him, and were like, "buff Galil30!!11" Other outfits, like the Church, saw his views as a slap in the face to the inquisition" They flat out told him to STFU. Galil30 was like, "fuck you guys, I know im right." Pope Paul V, who was nicknamed, "pop shit-for-brains the fifth", had him banned.Galil30 spent the rest of his life in his Sanctuary, muttering, "imho, the Inquisition needs to be nerfed. They are the biggest group of f*cktards ever" It wasnt until 1983, that the Church finally realized what a bunch of n00bs they were, and that Galil30 "might be right" *Church slaps themselves*

A few hundred years later, there came a cr5 named Napoleon. He was viewd by many as a hero of the french. Some peasants even went as far as painting their goat with the messege: "Napolean Rox0rs my Box0rs". Others found Napolean extremely annoying and selfish. Especially when Napolean took away soldiers that were needed to calm riots, by spamming country-alls saying, "FRENCH RAID FORMING UP AT RUSSIA WARPGATE IN 5 MINUTES!!!!!111" This pissed off many other cr5's. The raid took place in January, 1812. It was a disaster. Napoleon failed to bring enough transport. Everyone got stuck in the snow and were like, "wtf ghey.." By september, nearly two thirds of his forces had logged off. The Russian cr5, Tsar Kutusov was like, "omg his forces are weak, time to attack!" Kutusov's forces pwned all but a few that managed to wait out the "you are in an enemy sphere of influence, you will recall in 30 seconds.

A few years later, the British discovered a way to do things fast, and easy. Soon Britain began to revolutionize, and they called it, the Industrial Revolution. However, Britain did not wish to let other countries in on their secret. Until one man leaked the "industrial source" to the rest of Europe. All the other countries were like, "w00t!" Britain however, was like, "f*cking l33t hax0rs! */appeal*"

csrDANB was like, "omg I've had enough of this shit. I'm tired of listening to you people complain. So just STFU. From now on, I'm banning anyone who sends me an appeal."

A few years after that, along came a user named Einstein. Einstein was like, a l33t mathematician. Problem was, he was so smart on one side of the brain, he couldnt do simple things like, remembering which house he lived in. His neighbors were like, "dude, wtf, you house is the one with the RED door! Thats right, we paointed it so you wouldn't forget, you stupid f*cktard!" Einstein was like, "wtf just you wait. I'm gonna build a device to kill you and your family!" And Einstein neighbors were like, */ignore Einstein*

So Einstein packed his bags, moved to the U.S., and built the Atomic Bomb. At first, Einstein was like, "lol, what should I call this thing? How about, an Orbital Strike? Ya, that sounds cool. Or, I could call it an Atomic Bomb, which sounds less cool, but after all, I'm a retard who cant't remember to put my clothes on before I leave the house."

Finally, in WW2, the US put the Atomic Bomb to work. They dropped it on the Japanese. And they were like, "omfg we are so screwed.." And the U.S. were like, "ya thats what you get! Dont f*ck with us! You bomb our boats, we nuke your cities. At0mic Bombs 4 Evar!!!!111"

And after that, god saw his server, and was like, "well, I aint starting over, too many people gained BR and CR". And god noticed people sitting behind their computer typing up stupid stories about video games, and mocking serious stuff, and was like, "w...t...f"

I would like to thank the internet for its vast source of info, and of course, the Planetside Forums for the material. Thank you for reading.