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2004-06-17, 06:41 PM
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[Ignore Me] #1 | ||
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Lieutenant Colonel
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So last night I had some friends over for a late-night movie and snack, even though we all had work to go to the next morning. Among the people who couldn't come was a girl named Jackie, who just so happens to be dating a big-shot in our grade named Alex. Now, Alex's ego is large enough to have it's own gravity well, especially since he got accepted at Harvard. Plus, he's smart, athletic, and pretty charming according to the girls. He and I talk once and a while, but he acts like a prick a lot, so I usually steer clear of him.
Anyway, we all know that Jackie and Alex were planning to have sex for the first time last night, so we didn't even bother to call Jackie up for the movie. We get about two-thirds of the way through "Grosse Pointe Blank" when a cell phone rings right next to me. Allison, who happens to be a close friend of Jackie's, answers as I pause the movie. Being right next to Allison as she talked, I could hear their conversation quite clearly: Allison: "Hello?" Jackie: "Hey Ally, it's me." A: "Oh! Hi! I thought you were with Alex." J: "Well, I am. He's in the bathroom." A: "Aren't you two... you know, busy?" J: "Well, yes." *pause* A: "So... how... is it?" J: "Well, the condom keeps slipping off." *really long pause* A: "Uh. Maybe you have the wrong size? Does the package have a size on it?" J: "I think so. I think it's the smallest size, too!" *pause* A: "Okay, let me give you a call back." J: "No, don't bother, he's walking back now." Click. So mom and dad are still mad about all the soda and food we spilled while laughing our mouths off. The best part is that everyone who was at my house last night basically told everyone at school (where we work as day camp counselors) today, so essentially everyone in our grade knows about it... except for Alex. Ownage indeed.
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Last edited by UncleDynamite; 2004-06-17 at 06:43 PM. |
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2004-06-17, 06:43 PM
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[Ignore Me] #2 | ||
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Lightbulb Collector
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 Every man has a defect. If he appears perfect in every way...
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly. |
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2004-06-17, 07:53 PM
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[Ignore Me] #7 | |||
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Brigadier General
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2004-06-17, 10:19 PM
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[Ignore Me] #15 | |||
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Lieutenant Colonel
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 Hey wait, I'm Asian...  A Swedish-made penis enlargement pump would be a good gift for him. I just need people to chip in money for paying it, but that won't be a problem seeing that eveyrone at school knows about his problem now...
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